Blonds

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“I have lots of tall blond ladies so i get laid!”

~ Kim Jong-il

Blondes ar A spesific spicies of women. They can be recognized mainly by there hair color, witch is normally somewhere between a yelowish-wite and a dark yellow color. Those women who clame to be blonds (and there are many of them), but don't have hair in these colors, are actually not blond. Generally, 95% of women that apear to be blond are actually brunets and redheds who are jealous of blonds acurate speling and the atenttion natral bimbos- I meen blonds get. !! Note* when I found this it couldnt be read so I translated it from bitch- blone to human... damn blondes

[edit] How to recognize a blonde

Blondes can, like, normally be recognized by their completely unnatural hair color and, like, their intelligence, you know? They are often characterized as, like, ditzy, air-headed, and umm . . . THEY SO ARE. They tend to be, like, totally obsessed with their exquisite breasts, and, like, they are totally misunderstood creatures who are planning a massive takeover of California (they are so dumb, how else would they do it except sleep with every political leader in California)? All blondes are born from sea lions and have 500,000 less brain cells than brunettes and redheads, which enable them to spit fire and engage in sexual intercourse with a male countless times and keep coming back for more even though he says, like, "leave me alone, you crazy psycho bitch!" They tend to have perky breasts, and they tend to engage in prostitution, work in strip clubs, and give blow jobs at slightly higher rates than the general population. They are also known for going around saying "I don't get it," and "do I look fat?" They can often be the found at local goth shops trying to look all hardcore wearing black. They say it's slimming . . . that MUST be the reason.

[edit] Why men like blondes so much

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In 2004, scientists conducted studies as to why men inevitably prefer any blonde over any redhead or brunette. The results were as follows:

• Blondes generally have it going on . . . everywhere. Men tend to prefer this.
• Blonde chicks usually take care of themselves more.
• Blondes usually are too dumb to question what men say and, therefore, can be led on easily.
• Blondes tend to be freakier than brunettes and redheads and are generally more willing to engage in oral sex on men.
• Blondes tend to put out on the first date so are what guys go for and understand the words "get out now" and dont stay and hope for a relationship because they are too stupid to understand what one is.
• Blondes are always the village bike, it has been proven because brunettes have abit of class and redheads are just too ginger to get that much action, in the case of subject A. who we have called emma, she is a tall blonde and has sex 5 times a day with different men, and doesnt even charge them, subject B. is a brunette, she has sex once a week, she is bordering slut level sexiness but cos she is a brunette she isnt as slutty as the blonde subject A. subject C is a ginger girl called sarah, she dyed her hair so people would have sex with her, but still people can tell by the eyebrows and no one wants a ginger to have sex with unless they are either dying, drunk or for a bet

[edit] Why all the blonde jokes?

see Blonde Jokes

The jokes about blondes have been made by Chuck Norris. This is because he wants to confuse His enemies. The plan is to make people laugh so bad, that they might die from it. So far, the plan has been succesful, as we all can see. People laugh much about it. Let's just face it: the jokes about blond bimbos are funny enough. The blondes have now started to work on their itelligence. Their secret headquarters is stationed right under the South Pole. Actually, they had planned to place it on the North Pole, but they did like Columbus, and went the wrong way. The reason why they wanted to go to the North Pole, was because they wanted Intoplarictoriphimucousitis, a rare illness caused by massive losses of brain cells.

[edit] Why are blondes so dumb

The truth is, blondes' boobs practically control them. The reason they are so dumb is because when god made them, he installed a special chip. This chip "controls" how fast their boobs grow (if it doesn't work then they get plastic surgery to make there boobs bigger). Here is how it works: A blonde is asked, "How many sides are on an octagon?". Before she can say the right answer, 8, the chip in her boobs redirects her. She shifts from side to side, moving her boobs and trying to act seductive. Moving them also helps the chip work better. This is what she is now thinking: Well, an octopus lives in the ocean. The ocean is blue. There are 4 letters in blue. So her answer would be 4. This is how the chip works.

[edit] Common Statistics

• 96% of blondes have an IQ of 69, making them obsessed with sex
• 85% of men have had sex with a blonde
• The average blonde score on the SAT's are 350. (Q: Wait, I thought the minimum was 600! A: They spelled their names wrong)
• The average bra size for a blonde is a D-cup.
• The average grade for a blonde is also a D.
• And that's because 70% of middle school male teachers are actually pedophiles who stare at the blondes' boobs.
• The average price for a blonde prostitute is $90/hr. In comparison, the average price for a brunette prostitute is $5,000000/hr.
• 94% of blondes think a 401K is a large bra size
• 92% of blondes are made out of plastic
• 99% of blondes have screwed up on their Sex.Ed tests (Does that mean i can fuck you mr.teacher?)

[edit] Positives

• Blondes tend to be energetic and adventurous. Always looking for a thrill, whether it be sex or some other form of entertainment.
• Blondes also make the world brighter
• You have a higher chance of finding a sexy, cute, or beautiful blond than in any other other species of woman
• Since their beauty is almost always higher than other species of woman they are capable of being with some of the sexiest and the most famous of men

[edit] Famous blondes

• Ben Stien
• Paris Hilton
• Pamela Anderson
• Adrienne Barbeau
• Oprah Winfrey (in disguise, painted skin and dyed hair)
• Cameron Diaz
• The Blonde One
• Laura Bush
• Fabio
• Lestat de Lioncourt
• the high school girl
• the hot band geek
• Led Zeppelin
• Your mom
• Green Day
• Communists
• posers
• bonnie creely