Black Sabbath
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Black Sabbath are an Gospel rock band, formed in Birmingham in 1968 by Ozzy Osbourne (lead vocals), Tony Inkatomi (guitar), Old Maid (bass), and Ward Bill (drums and percussion). The band has since experienced multiple lineup changes, with a total of five hundred former members.
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[edit] Formation, Early Career, and Rise to Fame
One day Tony and Ozzy were stoned and so they saw a scary movie, then they said lets make scary music. so they did and they were so scary people wouldnt even come to there concerts, amazingly they got a record deal {{Infobox Band |Name = Black Sabbath |Img = PolkaTulkBlues.jpg |Img_capt = Humble Beginnings |city_of_origin= Heaven and Hell |Genre = Mormom Choir music |Years_active = 1968 –present
[edit] Early experimentation
Mumbling baritone Ozzy Osbourne had tried out for the Fifth Baptist Church of London's choir, and was rejected without so much an explanation. He assumed it was because of his ethnicity, and brought his grievances to fellow African-Americans Tony Inkatomi, Ward Bill, and Old Maid, all of whom repeatedly asked Ozzy to repeat himself. It was eventually decided that Ozzy would be an excellent singer as his indecipherable singing would distract away from the still-learning musicians Tony, Ward, and Old.
In honor of their ethnic background and love of Christ, they took on the name Black Sabbath. They began to write up-beat gospel hymns, and sought out a record deal. Despite moderate popularity playing church ice cream socials (and even one Bar Mitzvah), they could never seem to attract the attention of radio stations or record executives. Their sound eventually transformed into a blend of blues, rock, punk, funk, junk, and a throbbing headache, mainly because of Inkatomi accidentally chopping off his penis, leading to him tuning down his guitar to negative F-billion so he could strum it with his new "stub" more easily.
The new sound didn't impress the gospel promoter who eventually did give the band a listen, and suggested they stick to "something you're good at, like rap or basketball." Not understanding what rap was (having not been invented by Snoop Doggy Dog yet), but understanding the racial slight of the basketball stereotype, Black Sabbath made a choice that would forever change the face of rock music.
Blaming their being black on their lack of musical success, they also began blaming God for making them black. The next logical step was to blame God for their lack of musical success. They eventually became "unborn Christians" and devoted their lives, and their music, to Satan.
[edit] Early Success
American and British youth, high on Alice Cooper songs and eager for more dark and sinister music, instantly gravitated towards the ominous sounds and whiny vocals of Black Sabbath. In spite of not having written an entire song as of this point, the band members complained of writer's block. Figuring if they came up with a cool name for the album that the songs would soon follow, Ozzy and company locked themselves in the basement of an abandoned church, drank goats' blood, and prayed to Satan for inspiration. Four days later they emerged, having chosen an album title of "Black Sabbath". By this time, their antics began to attract a lot of attention, and even a record deal. Desperate to create their first hit single, they band once again turned to Satan and a year and a half later came up with the title for their first song, which was "Black Sabbath".
Up against a deadline (the next day) to release their album, and having no real musical talent, Ozzy mumbled his way through a critic's review of the 1963 Italian cult-horror film, "Black Sabbath" while Tony and Old played the same three notes on their guitar and bass respectively. The album was released with only one track, and that track lacking drums. The album was a smashing success none-the-less.
Once concluding their successful tour, the band was pressured to release a follow-up album. Old Maid, being a fan of Robert Downey Jr. movies, penned a song about the super-hero Iron Man. Then one of the most memorable riffs in all of music was created. Interrupting a Satanic prayer of the other bandmates, Old showed them the lyrics and was reported to have said, "And the bass riff for the song will go something like, Da...da...da.da.da...dadadadada.da...da.dada." Tony followed up with, "I've got a really cool guitar riff to go with that. It goes: Da...da...da.da.da...dadadadada.da...da.dada." Eventually, Bill created a drum beat sounding sort of like Da...da...da.da.da...dadadadada.da...da.dada. Ozzy, not wanting to be the odd man out, simply sang Old's lyrics in the same droning rhythm and the classic song was born.
By this time, Tony learned his second power-chord on his guitar, and this opened up a new area of the band to explore. The more complex, progressive sound of usitilizing two power-chords created the hypnotic, mesmerizing sound that eventually became the song "Paranoid". Sabbath made further use of the two chord sound for "War Pigs", which also incorporated the two-symbol percussion sound. These songs eventually found their way into their next album, "Paranoid".
Black Sabbath's two chord sound would dominate most of their music, although fans also responded well to songs like "Children of the Grave", which they felt was a effort on the part of Black Sabbath to pay homage their one-chord roots. Consequently, this song would forever be the basis of every musical creation of Rob Zombie (not to be confused with Al Jourgenson, who is not to be confused with Al Jolson).
[edit] Falling Out
Success of the band went to the head of Ozzy Osbourne, and he felt he could make more money in television. After a bitter rant to his bandmates (most of which they could not comprehend or understand), Ozzy left the band. He would go on to have great success on television, creating the product jingle for "Gravy Train", and having an Emmy winning, long-running television show consisting of his home movies.
In the meantime, the band was desperate to keep their momentum and needed a replacement singer. Unfortunately, the only person to show up and audition was an ugly midget doo-wop singer named Ronald Padavno. Having a God complex and a boring name, he was dubbed "Ronnie James Dio" and immediately given the job.
While Ozzy's voice was incomprehensible, Dio's lyrics themselves filled that void. For decades, college professors and research scientists are still trying to understand the meaning of the lyrics of such later Black Sabbath hits as "This Job Rules", "Heaven is Swell", and "Freon Nights".
[edit] Falling Out, the Sequel
Fame and fortune would eventually give Ronnie James Dio an even bigger God complex, where he would eventually change his last name from the Italian word for "God", to "Ronnie You Will All Worship Me Because I Am the God of All Major Religions and Cultures". He would form his own heavy metal band, and Ronnie You Will All Worship Me Because I Am the God of All Major Religions and Cultures would have many hits like "Holy Diver" (written after he bought his swimming pool) and "The Last in Line" (written while trying to get his license renewed at the DMV).
Black Sabbath, on the other hand, struggled to remain relevant. When you're rejected by a mumbling drunk AND an ugly dwarf, it's hard for potential singers to take you seriously. Black Sabbath would eventually break-up, reform, re-unite, reform, break-up, break-up again, carry on with no original members for a few years, re-unite to reform, then finally re-u-form and tour. Although never quite reaching their level of earlier success, each band member was thankful to have a job.
[edit] Image and Legacy
Black Sabbath has left a lasting mark on the hard rock and heavy metal music business, much akin to a1 skid-mark. To honor their groundbreaking work, the Local Union of Heavy Metal Garage Bands passed a by-law that every band must not only be able to play the song "Paranoid", but must also perform it at every practice and gig.
Guitarists with only two fingers (much like Tony Inkatomi...I suppose that should have been mentioned earlier), or those with little to no talent, were still able to impress their friends when "You, Too, Can Learn to Play 'Iron Man' and 'Smoke on the Water'" was issued with every new guitar purchased.
[edit] Discography
1. "Sacrificial Swine" (1967) 2. "Lucifer Sam and the Coal Black Demonboy" (1969) 3. "Master of Underworld Realty" (1974) 4. "Dancing With The Pale Fairies in a Winter Wonderland...In Hell" (1976) 5. "A Cold Day in Hell" (1987) 6. "Kicked Out of Heaven and Hell" (2009) 7. "Pre-Natal Paranoia: The Origins of Black Sabbath" (2011)* 8. "Ex-Nihlist" (2012)**
- - Planned compilation of gospel-era material mentioned by Inkatomi, but unconfirmed by the surviving members.
- - Possible title for a new album mentioned in an internet chatroom.
Barmy British Stuff 
