Black Jesus

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A painting of Black Jesus, found in his last real rap album.

Black Jesus (also spelled Black Jesuz) is known by the names Tupac Amaru Shakur (2Pac) and Makaveli. He is the Jesus of the ghetto.

He started out as a musician who made hip hop music and Thug Life. He loves the West Coast but was from Harlem where he created the Harlem Shake but was later stolen by some f(_)¢k!ng white guy Baauer. His parents were the Not-So-Virgin Mharyhetta and an unknown father who is thought to be Tha Gangsta Godd, the toughest hustla in Harlem. As a young kid, Black Jesus hardly saw his mother who worked at KFC. One day, the moved to Baltimore, the biggest city in the Redneck South. There he faced racism and the constant chant of "n!gg€r". He decided to call over his Apostles, his crew members and then drowned the rednecks so that's why there are barely and rednecks in Baltimore. Don't believe me? Go f(_)¢k yourself you ungrateful b!t¢# ! Be thankful of Black Jesus. Then he left to Compton where he met a buncha ganstas who taught him about rap. After, learning how to rap, Black Jesus decided to be a rapper known as "2Pac". He loved Compton so much that he started to dislike New York and become a California thug. He got into a "rap war" with The Not-So Notorious but very BIG. This rap war was not like any rap battle. But at the end, the Black Pontius Pilate decided to "assassinate" Black Jesus. This attempt failed since it was a 2Pac look-alike that was driving with "Suger-Bear" Knight to meet Black Jesus at the MGM Grand in Vegas. At the end, Tupac Amaru Shakur quit rap and gave up his property to his family and left to heaven.

Exit Tupac, Enter Makaveli the Black Jesus

When Pac officially became Black Jesus, he wanted to get revenge on Biggie for setting Black Pontius Pilate to try killing him twice. So, he decided to reincarnate into an assassin on the fateful day of March 9th, 1997 in Los Angeles and fired at four shots at Biggie before returning to heaven. According to Black Jesus himself, to live and die in Los Angeles was the place to be so Biggie ended up in Ghetto Heaven instead of hell. There he decided to make it up for Biggie by creating a successor named Marshall Mathers, who was supposed to be black but ended up white, but if you take off his shell(which makes him look white), he is actually brown so Black Jesus called him "Eminem". The successor made the Tupac: Resur-erection an album/movie on Pac's life that included a song with Biggie that was produced by Mathers. It was called "Runnin' (Dyin' for Fried Chicken)". Since Biggie was such a fat@$$, he decided to call it fried chicken since he practically went to KFC for breakfast, 10 snacks, lunch, 10 more snacks, and dinner including 10 midnight meals. With all this $#!t I'm typing, you people must think this is a fan-boy rant but actually it is the truth. Don't believe me? Then you must be a dumb whore. Makaveli was real. Go ask your grandpa. He'll tell ya. Enough of that. He kicked Biggie out of Ghetto Heaven since Biggie complained that there wasn't any fried chicken. Biggie was then reincarnated as some person back on Earth which was better for Biggie since Earth had fried chicken and KFC. Now, that fat @$$ was gone, Black Jesus decided to create fake rappers. First was Lil Wayne then Drake, Nicki Minaj, Wiz Khalifa, Tyga and Kendrick Lamar.

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