Bisexuality
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Bisexual bi·sex·u·al [bahy-sek-shoo-uhl] -- the romantic and/or sexual attraction to two vices at the same time, Lust and Greed. Bisexual are also known as Greedy. Bisexuals tend to be agnostic biathletes with a strong attraction toward mulattoes, griffins, half-and-half creamer, purple, and anything Hegelian. Note that 80% of admitted bisexuals are active pornstars. They are the type of people who put there hand's down someone's pants and dont care what they touch.
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[edit] Symptoms
If caught in time, bisexuality can be cured by meat injections. The belief that bisexuality is communicable by a dirty toilet seat is untrue. That's Ebola. The disease is characterized by several symptoms:
- 50% less free weekend and leisure time
- acquiring friends with benefits
- sudden onset of being an attention whore
- production of art and/or poetry
- making out with everyone, even you
- extremely sore genitalia
- interest in paganism or witchcraft
- being a girl between the ages of 12-21 who weighs over 250lbs.
- Creating an account on UnCyclopedia
- Causing instant seizures to people who look at you
[edit] Those At High Risk
- The Dutch
- Emo Kids
- Beggers, who can't be choosers
- That guy at the gym
- Twilight fans
- People who watch Bravo
- Anyone on Project Runway
- Curious people
- Porn Stars
- Your ex-girlfriend
- The cool kids
- Tom Cruise
- Amy Winehouse
- Your Mom
- People who know any of the above in any remote way
- Blind people
- You
[edit] Science
Many scientists are trying to figure ways to make all women bisexual, without making them lesbians. The scientist who would figure this out would become the most praised man in history. J. Michael Bailey is currently believed to be the front-runner, having already succeeded in eliminating those gross bisexual men.
[edit] Poll
[edit] Reasons for Bisexuality
There are many theories conjecturing on the reasons for bisexuality. The five most exhaustively researched are presented below.
- The "Best of Both Worlds/ Self Worth" View: Bisexuality not only opens doors for you, it opens ALL the doors for you. Regardless of the results of this openage, at least you know you tried your hardest and explored all the options.
- The "Just in Case" View: What if you claimed to be straight and all the opposite gender died? What if you were gay and everyone of the same gender died? Where would you be then? Obviously this better planning prevents hypocrisy, disregarding the somewhat ridiculous improbability of this situation.
- The "Threesome" View: There is only one type of threesome that does not involve either bisexuality or spectacular awkwardness. Obviously, same-sex trios could involve only one at a time. Consider the awkward possibilities of two men and one woman where both men are straight.
Dude 1: Hey do you mind? I'm kind of busy, could you avert your eyes or something?
Dude 2: Come on man, sharing is caring. I'm here for the same reason you are.
Dude 1: I cannot believe you would presume I am sharing. I am obviously the dominant male
here. I assumed you were here because you had nowhere else to sleep. and etc.
The two women, one man version of this tale is fairly similar, but with more references to hair and clothes (or lack thereof). Bisexuality makes threesomes exponentially less uncomfortable, as threesomes are wont to be.
- The "I am an arrogant jerk and convinced that everyone wants me" View: I am an arrogant jerk and I am convinced that everyone wants me. I keep track of a ratio of men to women that I've done. I was trying for a Guinness World Record until I died of a complex condition resulting from syphilis and herpes having one child and gonorrhea and AIDS having another and lifetime rivalry of the two resulting in duo-homicide.
- The "Rasputin" View: I do everything that moves. Enough said.
