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“I'm flying sideways”
“I'm not Angry. People just used my name.”
“Birds were made to crap on people”
Birds are the most deadly creatures in the universe. Even the Flying Spaghetti Monster is somewhat terrified of this monstrosity. They have been known to mutilate trees and Fat People in a matter of seconds. There are many rumors stating that there is a secret bird order in Albania that is controlling the world. However, most scientists agree that there is no such thing.
Scientists TOTALLY agree on that, and this is not just fake info made up by the World Bird Order to distract you while they spy on you.
edit Famous Birds
Angry Birds. Actually, they're very famous. Especially that big fat red one that doesn't do anything special, just dive bombs green pigs with crowns and hard hats.
Also, Hitler. Hitler was a bird. We know because he was too evil to be anything else.
edit Sad birds, Angry birds
A game was released on 7th of July 2054. It is called Sad and Angry birds. The rule is simple. Kill human.
edit Why do humans eat turkey?
Because we think turkey is Jesus. Jesus, lol.
Birds. They are greater than or equal to "The Word."
Birds, who said anything about birds? Oh well, I don’t actually recall it. Alzheimer sucks. What was I writing again? The simple thought flew away from me.
Birds, yeah, birds, those cute little feathered bastards. It is a pity that they don’t taste all like chicken. I love chicken, don’t you? Well, nobody’s perfect. Pork is also delicious, especially with coconut cake. If you think about it birds are very inteligent because I couldn't flap my arms and have a crap in mid-air travelling from A to B, I doubt you could either.
RUN THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU
Until the problem of birds is solved it would seem that birds are free to shit all over Newtons memorial.
Not to be confused with flying fish.
Some recent theories from Professor August T. Bluckburnblust suggest birds belong to the natural order Ophidia and are actually related to whales, dolphins and other reptiles.
Or, according to the educational science series 'Look Around You': 'What is water? It's an interesting question because water is almost impossible to describe. One could ask the same about birds. What are birds? We just don't know'. It is quite obvious that the writer for this series did not want to let the world know what birds really are. The most evil animals in existence.
According to some scientists, birds seem to be related to the dinosaurs via their mothers' third cousin five times removed. Barney was invited to the bird family reunion; unfortunately (for him, anyway) he was suddenly smote dead by God in 2006 while the invitation was still in the mail. However, birds are known to hate all living things that are not birds, so they were likely going to kill him anyway.
edit Interesting Bird Facts
“The bird is the word”
- A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
- Also an English noun denoting the female of the species as in "My bird's got a cracking set of threps but if you so much as look at 'em I'll kill ya".
- Some bird have huge balls, which makes them unable to fly. Examples: Ducks, Ostriches and Madonna.
- Birds go "GAW GAW!" which stands for "God Always Wins! God Always Wins!", which shows that birds do praise God and indeed go to heaven, in accordance with His divine providence. Don't even try and tell me this is wrong, because my freshman year theology teacher said it was true.
MY THEOLOGY TEACHER.
TOTALLY NOT THE WORLD BIRD ORDER.
- Baby birds are called bees.
- Birds crap on your furniture to show adominates.
- Birds are sad because they have no penis.
- Birds can accidentially eat there poop. and be ok with it.
- Birds wish to commit suicide.
- Birds are unsuccesful at intercoarse :(
- Birds have beaks, which everyone knows they use to render people beaked through the head, the #1 cause of human death worldwide. Hence the expression "That's about as much fun as being beaked through the head". Recent studies have shown that this is, in fact, the #1 cause of death in any life whatsoever, and likely the cause of the extinction of the Dinosaurs.
- Due to their habit of eating insects, small birds are treated as sacred to Skuld, goddess of debugging, and were held in respect among her worshippers in ancient Geece.
- Birds are actually a cult that dedicate their lives to breaking car windows and headlights (or taillights in some extreme cases). They also are known to wait until your car is immaculate before they let fire a shower of crap on your windshield.
- The bird is equal to or greater than the word
- A small known fact is that birds evolved from trees and will in fact turn you into a goblin if you anger them.
- Birds are gay dinosaurs.
- A creature gargantuan in size known by the name of bird (or "Blake" by many humans). bird is found roaming the football fields of Pullman WA doing the Thriller dance while intoxicated.
- Most of these facts are fake information made up by the Secret Bird Order to keep the real info Top Secret.
edit The truth about birds
Birds suck. They just fly round, living it easy, crapping on people. No one understands why though. It just happens. Some birds have crap that smells bad, some just stains your clothes, either way, people hate being crapped on. The first ever guy to get crapped on by a bird said "UGHUGHFUGHTUAG" which loosely translates to "This white and black stuff tastes good!". In later generations, humans started to understand that it doesn't taste good which is why the second person said "DIE DAMN BIRDS!" whilst pointing his rifle into the air. People honestly think that being crapped on by a bird is good luck. Those people should be shot. This is due to the fact that I was crapped on by a bird and I don't think it was lucky. I punched several people that day. This info brought to you by the Totally Not the Bird World Order Society.
edit Types of Bird
- Dead gull
- It's a Dead parrot
- Oiled Birds
- Passenger pigeon
- The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times
- The Yardbirds
- Three Crows
- Screaming Poop
- OH GOD RUN FOR YOUR LIVES THEY'RE COMING
edit See also
- Birds and the bees
- UnPoetia:Well-Oiled Birds
- The Birds
- Beaked through the head