Bipolar disorder
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[edit] Bipolar disorder's duplicitous origins
Bipolar disorder, also known as 'happy happy-not not' disease, is a psychosomatic condition developed in the early to late 1970'S (Not to be confused with Manic Depression which is an Impact Crater caused by maniacally leaping out of airplanes AT 20,000 Feet!).
[edit] Historical progression
Prior to 1670 sufferers of this illness were locked away in artist's lofts and poets' corners and kept away from the general public. It wasn't until the 21st century that the thinking changed regarding this mysterious malady. In May of 2005 renowned scientist Dr. Tom Cruise made the earth-shattering announcement before a stunned Harvard School of Psychological Sciences that bipolar disorder is "all in your head."
Tom Cruise was diagnosed with "Scientology Disorder" 3 minutes later in the same institution.
[edit] Causes and treatment
Scientists once believed that bipolar disorder was caused by a combination of parental, chocolate, and environmental factors. Most commonly the onset of this disorder would be linked to a fat, poorly dressed mother who forced her family to act normal when daddy came home drunk and used a shotgun to rid the dining room of it's cockroach problem. This stressful environment would then cause Junior to become the school bully and later in life, the chatroom troll. Modern science has since come to realize that children should be screened and not heard, and simply lock up the troublemakers in military school or an abandoned warehouse by a pier with pit bulls and feral cats who are really hungry.
As a result, President Bush has added Bipolar disorder to the list of psychosomatic illnesses no longer covered by Medicaid. According to White House spokesman Bill O'Reilly, "Yay! More money for the war chest."
[edit] Symptoms
Bipolar disorder manifests itself in numerous ways, most notably:
Depression: Tailgating interstate drivers who dare to drive only 85 mph; loss of interest in drugs and alcohol; difficulty oversleeping; inability to wait in long lines at the DMV.
Mania: Capable of infinite Uncylopedia one-liner entries due to decreased need for sleep; increased chatroom spamming and flooding; increased goal-directed activity such as prank phone calls and bathroom graffitti.
Fits of uncontrollable laughter followed by sobbing: This tends to happen wh-wh-whhhaaaahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahah omg omg omg *sob* I hate my life!! Aaaahhhhh *sob* *sob* whatamIcryingabout hahahahahahaah!
[edit] An Article by one suffering from Bipolar Disorder
Manic Joe:
Hey my name's Joe what's your name have you seen my shirt I don't know what happened to it but it was blue blue bluuuue skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face facing the right direction is important when you drive a car and I am driving a car right now as I type this are you driving too oh my god let's race[1]
Depressed Joe:
Hey. My name's...fuck, what's the point...going back to bed...
[edit] Treatment
Drugs and therapy. Some of those drugs are not prescribed. Jerry Garcia recommends LSD. Positive or negative therapy are helpful in alleviating symptoms. One's best friend telling one to "jump off a cliff" because one slept with his girlfriend can be classed as negative therapy. Usually the bipolar disorder sufferer will either be too depressed to get out of bed and go to the nearest cliff, or too manic to stop sleeping with the best friend's girlfriend. The best remedy for this situation is to take LSD. Side effects include indigestion, environmentalism, fondness for The Doors, further LSD use, anal miscarriage of galactic savior, etc. The best remedy for these side effects is to take LSD. Further side effects include unnecessarily annoying repetition, indigestion, environmentalism, fondness for The Doors, further LSD use, anal miscarriage of galactic savior, etc. The best remedy for further side effects is to take LSD. The other option is to to take LSD.
[edit] Notable bipolar sufferers
The Arctic Tern which annually migrates from the North Pole to the South and back again every year. When in manic mode, it flies from summer to summer. When depressed, it flies from winter to winter with a stop for cyanide nodules at the Galapagos Islands.
Admiral Richard Byrd was definitely bipolar.
Light Yagami was known well for his extreme bipolarness.
Stephen Fry, yeah he has Bipolar.
[edit] Bipolar Disorder in the Media
The Bipolar Express is a children's book on bipolar disorder. The book was written to help bipolar-ridden children come to terms with their terrible, untreatable disease through the jounrey of a bipolar-ridden boy who is on a mental health hospital cleverly disguised as a train with other bipolar-ridden children. The Bipolar Express's destination is Santa Clause Asylum and Zoo in the North Pole, a wonderful place where mentally diseased children are put on display for the entertainment of normal people. During his journey on board the Bipolar Express, he comes to terms with his disease and learns to just accept the fact that he'll never be normal and will have to live a hard life, bearing the brunt of bipolar jokes, satire wikis and being a zoo exhibit.
[edit] See also
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ edited for brevity. The full article goes on for some pages.
