Biology

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[[Image:800px-Cataract surgery.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The increasingly popular eyeball piercing; rated by online voters as 7.4 (average) on the '''The Flannery Scale'''.]]
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[[Image:CAT.png|thumb|How Biology is taught today.]]
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[[Image:BioKillBill.jpg|thumb|right|175px|Quentin Tarantino's ''Kill Bill'' series was arguably was one of the most important biologies of the last decade.]]
'''Biology''' is the branch of science that is concerned with studying anything that requires a certain amount of brain capacity reduction that Chemists and Physicists are unwilling to go through.
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A '''biology''' is a series of two related works of fiction. It is one less than a [[Three|trilogy]], two less than a quadrilogy, and one more than a stand-alone work.<ref>Obviously.</ref> The biology has been a popular form of distributing and publishing fiction since it was first introduced in 480 BCE by the [[Greek]] poet [[Homer]] and his works ''The Iliad'' and ''The Odyssey'', though it fell out of favor somewhat when [[British]] linguist and author [[J.R.R. Tolkien]] invented the trilogy with his ''Lord of the Rings'' series.
   
If students are forced to take science classes, only [[morons]] and [[Oscar Wilde|trust-fund babies]] will be found in Bio. Everyone else will be in real sciences like [[Chemistry]] or even [[Physics]].
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Though the biology no longer commands the popularity it used to, it is still more conducive to narrative storytelling than the overwrought and cumbersome quintilogy and hexology, and more commercially lucrative than a mere stand-alone work.
   
People who study biology are generally known as dorks, but some crude American slang dubs them as "intellectuals." Many biologists are known to be underqualified for [[chemistry]] but overqualified for baseless [[literary study]].
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==Entomology & Background==
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{{Wikipedia}}
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“Biology” is a compound word made up of the prefix “[[bisexual|bi]]-”—which means “two”<ref>As exemplified by the term “[[bisexual]],” which means “a sexual attraction to the number two or things that come in sets of twos.”</ref> —and the suffix “-ology,” a Greek suffix that can be used to mean anything as its actual meaning has been lost to [[history]].<ref>The entomology of the suffix “-ology” is the primary question of Ologyology, or the study of the history of the entomology of the suffix “-ology.”</ref>
   
It is often cited as ‘the science of the 21st century’, a notion which causes understandable discomfort to physical scientists and has resulted in the emergence of pointless hybrid subjects, such as biophysics and [[creationism]].
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The term “biology” was first coined by European monk and pea plant enthusiast Gregory Mendel, who—oddly enough—used it to describe not two related works of fiction but the study of [[life]] and living organisms.<ref>Even though such a field—if one existed—would be called “livingstuffiology.”</ref> Though Mendel went on to become incredibly important in the fields of Peaplantiology and Howtraitsarepassedoniology, he was certainly no entomologist, and it would be left to literate people<ref>Like myself.</ref> to use the word in its proper manner.
   
The reasons for physical scientists’ superiority complexes is currently unknown, but unpopularity at school and unfulfilling [[sex]] lives have been cited as two possibilities. However, such speculation remains the domain of true [[pseudoscience|pseudosciences]], especially [[psychology]].
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==Theories of Biology==
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[[Image:BioDarkKnight.jpg|thumb|right|175px|Because both ''Batman Begins'' and ''The Dark Knight'' were good, the series is considered irrelevant by most biologists.]]
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There are several distinct schools of thought regarding the use of the biology in fiction, and how the use of the biology affects an otherwise continuous narrative.
   
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===The Sequel===
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A '''sequel''' is defined as a biology that is created when a new narrative chapter is added to what was previously a stand-alone work. Sequels are common in [[Hollywood]] and videogame circles, possibly because good<ref>Here, the term “good” is used to mean “commercially successful.”</ref> ideas in those respective fields have been all but exhausted.
   
==Foundations of Modern Biology==
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One of the primary advantages of the sequel is that any stand-alone work can be made into one, regardless of how little the sequel has to do with the original work.<ref>As exemplified by the second and third ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' movies.</ref> Furthermore, sequels are almost always more financially successful than the original, stand-alone work, meaning that they are a sure-fire financial successes.
   
There are four unifying principles of biology:
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===The Two-Parter===
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Works that are actually planned as biologies are referred to as '''two-parters'''. Two-parters have the advantage of making far more narrative sense than sequels. However, this is also their greatest drawback, particularly in the cinematic medium: with the ever-declining [[quality]] of both screenwriters’ originality and moviegoers’ taste, narrative two-parters are becoming an [[endangered species]].<ref>An endangered species is defined as a form of media or fiction that is in danger of permanently falling out of favor. The metaphorical [[Panda|poster child of the world’s endangered species]] is the dramatic stage production, which has remained in a faltering state since the death of [[Oscar Wilde]].</ref> The last known two-parter was [[Quentin Tarantino|Quentin Tarantino’s]] ''Kill Bill'' series, movies that—at the time of writing—were released nearly half a decade ago. Several filmmakers, movie theatres and companies have been attempted to preserve the two-parter in the form of midnight double-features and special edition DVDs, though their efforts have met with varying degrees of success.
   
* Taco theory. All living organisms eat at least one taco in their life, the basic unit of energy in all organisms. In addition, the core mechanisms and chemistry of all tacos in all organisms are similar, and taco meat emerge only from preexisting tacos that multiply through [[Taco Bell]].
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==Notable Biologies==
* [[Scientology]]. The world was created by Zenu and his spirits create our emotions. [[Tom Cruise]] proposed this theory.
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Many of the world’s greatest pieces of fiction have been biologies. From ''The Iliad'' and ''The Odyssey'' to ''Batman Begins'' and ''The Dark Knight'', biological fiction has played a central role in Western Civilization.
* [[Sex]]. Babies are made when people stick their hot dogs into a girl's donut. It's a perfectly normal and fun process, don't laugh.
 
* Homostasis. The physiological processes that allow an organism of one sex to enjoy sex with an organism of the same sex.
 
   
==Grossness quantification==
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===The Iliad & The Odyssey===
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[[Image:BioKong.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Cinema's first biology.]]
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Homer’s ''The Iliad'' and ''The Odyssey'' were the first example of a biology in Western Literature. Though the first half of the famous series—''The Iliad''—was originally intended to be just a stand-alone work, the immense commercial and critical success of the [[Trogdor the Burninator|lyrical epic poem]] prompted Homer to pen a sequel. ''The Odyssey''—which is decidedly more fantastic and Odysseus-intensive than its sister-work—was met with mixed reviews. Some critics praised its imagination and psychedelic visuals, while others were turned off by Homer’s liberty with Aegean [[geography]].<ref>Particularly [[Greece|Heraclitus]], who was fairly disenchanted with just about everything.</ref> 2500 years and a spin-off by Virgil later, and Homer’s biology is considered one of the consummate works of the Western cannon.
   
The [[Holy Grail]] of Biology is a quantification of grossness. Currently, researchers must rely on qualitative descriptions such as "icky" or "foul", but this has made repeatable experiments essentially impossible. (Leading some scientists to reject biology as [[pseudoscience]].) Many attempts at gross measurement have been made, but all have fallen short.
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===King Kong & Son of Kong===
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The first proper biology of the modern era, ''King Kong'' and its sequel ''Son of Kong''<ref>It should be noted that [[Orson Welles|Orson Welles’s]] epic masterpiece [[Citizen Kong]] was not related to either film.</ref> would set the standard for film sequels for the rest of the 20th century: an excellent first film followed by a hackneyed sequel. Because of this distinction, the ''Kong'' biology remains one of the most influential and important film series in the history of cinema.
   
'''The Blackwood-Gerber Method''' involves immersing a sample in a volume of water proportionate to the sample's mass. After one hour the water is drained and its concentration of gross particles measured. This method is unacceptable, however, because many things which are not gross become gross when immersed in water. (Indeed, most gross things are more gross when soaking wet.)
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===Transformers & Transformers 2===
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[[Michael Bay|Michael Bay’s]] epic film ''Transformers'' and its sequel ''Transformers 2'' have set what many are calling the new standard for biologies in film today: a [[shit|shitty]], commercially successful movie with an even shittier, more commercially successful sequel. Though Bay attempted this pioneering biological structure with ''Bad Boys'' and ''Bad Boys 2'', it was only with the ''Transformers'' series that he truly perfected this new, exciting form of biology.
   
'''The Flannery Scale''', developed by Sean Flannery, is sometimes promoted by biological texts, but in reality is a thin veil on qualitative descriptions. Flannery surveyed people on how gross various things were, then compiled the results into a numerical scale. The scale was unusable in practice, since there was no way to place a non-surveyed thing on the scale. Flannery's own data is often cited by biology critics who note the frequent cyclical grossness. For example, people rated dead fish as more gross than bread mold, bread mold as more gross than broccoli, and broccoli as more gross than dead fish.
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==Footnotes==
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{{Reflist}}
   
Biology is usually taught to high school students by the old and jaded, but ultimatly brilliant, Mr Sheppard. His trademark method of teaching is to hold up two fingers with his right hand in a 'upyours' position, and shout "WEAK AS PISS!". Although he often swears in class and makes racist jokes, he insists that he is only joking.
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==See Also==
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* [[Three|Trilogy]]
People who study, or have studied biology can be recognised by a few distinguishing characteristics:
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* [[Hollywood]]
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* [[Portal:Literature|Literature]]
- In absolutely NO case do biologists use deodorant, resulting in a stench which can be smelled approximately 5 miles away.
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* [[Portal:Theater|Theater]]
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* [[Portal:Film|Cinema]]
- Everything is recycled, nothing is thrown away. Therefore many biologists end up living in houses made out of empty milk packages and candy wrappings.
 
 
- Biologists tend to be so fond of animals, that conventional sexual urges are replaced by.. not so conventional ones. 89% of all animal-sex websites and 92% of all animal-sex farms are owned by biologists.
 
 
 
'''When taking Biology in school and have no friends in your class...''' it is imperative to find a valid partner. This method is intense to the x-treem, so listen closely:
 
[[Image:1129889717KHIjVu.jpg|right|thumb|200px|''Lesbians initiating the mating process'']]
 
Step one: Spin around, arms spread out wide. Should you hit someone, grab a hold of their hair, and haul them in your direction. This shows that you're interested.
 
 
Step two: Once hauled, make them sit down in your chair. Dig around their hair and search for delicious bugs. Should you find any, stick them in your mouth and begin to chew, then swallow. Repeat process if possible, and if it comes up, ask to be their partner. If they run away, knock them down and ask. If you knock too hard, drag them to your table and make them sit down.
 
 
And you're set.
 
 
===Biology and Breasts===
 
[[Breasts]] are biological. They are made of bouncy bio-stuff and tipped with biotic nipples. This is the only reason that men study biology. They hope to see breasts.
 
 
Sadly, most biologists never, ever see any real live breasts, not even their girl friend's breast, and just end up surfing the Internet one-handed because the other hand is too busy. Real biology is concerned only with shit and piss and blood, which actually repels those with breasts, resulting in a cycle of pointless, self-defeating behaviour. Sadly enough they continue in their hopes of evolving the ability of "self-pollination", but in the meantime continue work on a robotic woman with [[breasts]].
 
Biology is taught by the greatest teacher in the world
 
 
===Sexual Biology (aka: Anatomy)===
 
 
Legend has it, that [[boobs]] and [[sex]] in the biological society of the world are an extent to where sex actually comes from. The study of where sex comes from and sexual biology is known as, "anatomy". But who gives a fuck about anatomy? Biologists believe that anatomy is actually the study of the human body, itself. Well, they're too erroneous about the fact that anatomy is bullshit and a facade knowing for that they frankly don't give a shit about a tit. Biologists are not uncertain, but they're close to use the fact that anatomy isn't about sex, it's about the [[penis|penis]], which is the "g-spot" that serves anatomy. Today in our biological society, we have used a special theorem to support our details about why anatomy is about sex. We call this, "The Oliver Clothesoff Theorem". Unlike [[The hairy ball theorem|The Hairy Ball Theorem]], the Oliver Clothesoff Theorem is a sexual theory about whether or not anatomy is about sex and the study of sex, itself. What we use in this special theorem is that we use sex-related details and genetically enhanced questions to answer our biggest question in biology today: "Is anatomy the study of sex or the human body?". No war or conflict has been resented, albeit the fact we discover the relationship between sex and sexual parts of our body. As of today, we have finally answered our question. The answer is: "both; because not only does it mean the body and sex, it means where we [get] our sex." In other words, because the Oliver Clothesoff Project is finished, anatomy is the study of sexual parts of our living body. Despite the fact we mentioned a calculus-related theory, our biological society has ended conflict with and began the new scientific discipline known as, "anatomy".
 
=Further Reading=
 
*[[The Indestructible Properties]]
 
 
[[Category: Science]] [[Category: Biology]]
 
 
[[da:Biologi]]
 
[[de:Biologie]]
 
[[es:Biología]]
 
[[fr:Biologie]]
 
[[he:ביולוגיה]]
 
[[it:Biologia]]
 
[[ja:生物学]]
 
[[no:Biolog]]
 
[[pt:Biologia]]
 
[[zh-tw:生物學]]
 

Revision as of 17:05, August 19, 2009

BioKillBill

Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill series was arguably was one of the most important biologies of the last decade.

A biology is a series of two related works of fiction. It is one less than a trilogy, two less than a quadrilogy, and one more than a stand-alone work.[1] The biology has been a popular form of distributing and publishing fiction since it was first introduced in 480 BCE by the Greek poet Homer and his works The Iliad and The Odyssey, though it fell out of favor somewhat when British linguist and author J.R.R. Tolkien invented the trilogy with his Lord of the Rings series.

Though the biology no longer commands the popularity it used to, it is still more conducive to narrative storytelling than the overwrought and cumbersome quintilogy and hexology, and more commercially lucrative than a mere stand-alone work.

Entomology & Background

Bouncywikilogo9
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Biology.

“Biology” is a compound word made up of the prefix “bi-”—which means “two”[2] —and the suffix “-ology,” a Greek suffix that can be used to mean anything as its actual meaning has been lost to history.[3]

The term “biology” was first coined by European monk and pea plant enthusiast Gregory Mendel, who—oddly enough—used it to describe not two related works of fiction but the study of life and living organisms.[4] Though Mendel went on to become incredibly important in the fields of Peaplantiology and Howtraitsarepassedoniology, he was certainly no entomologist, and it would be left to literate people[5] to use the word in its proper manner.

Theories of Biology

BioDarkKnight

Because both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were good, the series is considered irrelevant by most biologists.

There are several distinct schools of thought regarding the use of the biology in fiction, and how the use of the biology affects an otherwise continuous narrative.

The Sequel

A sequel is defined as a biology that is created when a new narrative chapter is added to what was previously a stand-alone work. Sequels are common in Hollywood and videogame circles, possibly because good[6] ideas in those respective fields have been all but exhausted.

One of the primary advantages of the sequel is that any stand-alone work can be made into one, regardless of how little the sequel has to do with the original work.[7] Furthermore, sequels are almost always more financially successful than the original, stand-alone work, meaning that they are a sure-fire financial successes.

The Two-Parter

Works that are actually planned as biologies are referred to as two-parters. Two-parters have the advantage of making far more narrative sense than sequels. However, this is also their greatest drawback, particularly in the cinematic medium: with the ever-declining quality of both screenwriters’ originality and moviegoers’ taste, narrative two-parters are becoming an endangered species.[8] The last known two-parter was Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill series, movies that—at the time of writing—were released nearly half a decade ago. Several filmmakers, movie theatres and companies have been attempted to preserve the two-parter in the form of midnight double-features and special edition DVDs, though their efforts have met with varying degrees of success.

Notable Biologies

Many of the world’s greatest pieces of fiction have been biologies. From The Iliad and The Odyssey to Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, biological fiction has played a central role in Western Civilization.

The Iliad & The Odyssey

BioKong

Cinema's first biology.

Homer’s The Iliad and The Odyssey were the first example of a biology in Western Literature. Though the first half of the famous series—The Iliad—was originally intended to be just a stand-alone work, the immense commercial and critical success of the lyrical epic poem prompted Homer to pen a sequel. The Odyssey—which is decidedly more fantastic and Odysseus-intensive than its sister-work—was met with mixed reviews. Some critics praised its imagination and psychedelic visuals, while others were turned off by Homer’s liberty with Aegean geography.[9] 2500 years and a spin-off by Virgil later, and Homer’s biology is considered one of the consummate works of the Western cannon.

King Kong & Son of Kong

The first proper biology of the modern era, King Kong and its sequel Son of Kong[10] would set the standard for film sequels for the rest of the 20th century: an excellent first film followed by a hackneyed sequel. Because of this distinction, the Kong biology remains one of the most influential and important film series in the history of cinema.

Transformers & Transformers 2

Michael Bay’s epic film Transformers and its sequel Transformers 2 have set what many are calling the new standard for biologies in film today: a shitty, commercially successful movie with an even shittier, more commercially successful sequel. Though Bay attempted this pioneering biological structure with Bad Boys and Bad Boys 2, it was only with the Transformers series that he truly perfected this new, exciting form of biology.

Footnotes

  1. Obviously.
  2. As exemplified by the term “bisexual,” which means “a sexual attraction to the number two or things that come in sets of twos.”
  3. The entomology of the suffix “-ology” is the primary question of Ologyology, or the study of the history of the entomology of the suffix “-ology.”
  4. Even though such a field—if one existed—would be called “livingstuffiology.”
  5. Like myself.
  6. Here, the term “good” is used to mean “commercially successful.”
  7. As exemplified by the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
  8. An endangered species is defined as a form of media or fiction that is in danger of permanently falling out of favor. The metaphorical poster child of the world’s endangered species is the dramatic stage production, which has remained in a faltering state since the death of Oscar Wilde.
  9. Particularly Heraclitus, who was fairly disenchanted with just about everything.
  10. It should be noted that Orson Welles’s epic masterpiece Citizen Kong was not related to either film.

See Also

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