Bioethics

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Clown1

A typical clone.

Bioethics is a field of science dedicated to thwarting the intentions of biology, and making the future a horrible dystopia where people die from diseases that would otherwise have been cured long ago. For instance, in Halo, the Spartans are a race of genetically engineered super-soldiers. Thanks to bioethics, that won't happen. For some inconceivable reason, bioethicists hate genetic engineering, cloning, weapon testing on prisoners of war, and fun in general. You can't clone humans. You can't genetically engineer your kid to have super strength. You can't kidnap people, remove their stomach, and sew their esophagus to their duodenum. Where will it end?

Involvement in 9/11

Bioethicists had no involvement in 9/11.

Bioethics-based opposition to reasonable ideas

Opposition to human genetic engineering

Bioethics strongly opposes genetic engineering in humans. Since it is tampering with the genetic information that God/Natural Selection/an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters put there, bioethicists view this as somehow "unethical". Genetic engineering offers boundless potential, including the prevention of genetic disorders such as Down's Syndrome and Muscular Dystrophy (as well as many types of blindness and deafness), enhancement of strength and intelligence to near-superhuman levels, removal of free will and human sympathy to create super-soldiers unable to tell right from wrong, capable of slaughtering civilians and enemy soldiers alike with horrifying efficiency and cruelty.

Doofus

A different kind of clone.

Opposition to the cloning of humans for the sole purpose of harvesting their organs should the purchaser of the clone fall ill

Bioethicists are quite adamant about this one. They claim that ownership of a human is "slavery", that the clones would suffer horrible anxiety and depression throughout their lives, and would have to be deprived of their right to life, as such a practice necessitates the forcible repossession of organs. But the true reasoning against organ harvesting is that such a practice would undermine their "no fun" policy. I mean, come on, a human being whose only value is spare parts, with no value given to the human as a whole? How cool would that be? Too cool, according to the bioethicists.

Opposition to turning old people into fertilizer

Bioethicists are not interested in the fact that the elderly contribute very little to society, even though that is an important part of the debate. The oldsters just sit there, taking our money to maintain their decaying bodies, and all the while they could be helping us to grow beautiful flowers for our gardens, or fruits and vegetables to feed the poor. They don't have very long to live anyway, and any objections they raise to being turned into fertilizer can be attributed to senility and discarded. Other than the mentally ill, there are very few groups who are better candidates for turning into fertilizer.

Clown1

A typical clone.

Bioethics is a field of science dedicated to thwarting the intentions of biology, and making the future a horrible dystopia where people die from diseases that would otherwise have been cured long ago. For instance, in Halo, the Spartans are a race of genetically engineered super-soldiers. Thanks to bioethics, that won't happen. For some inconceivable reason, bioethicists hate genetic engineering, cloning, weapon testing on prisoners of war, and fun in general. You can't clone humans. You can't genetically engineer your kid to have super strength. You can't kidnap people, remove their stomach, and sew their esophagus to their duodenum. Where will it end?

Involvement in 9/11

Bioethicists had no involvement in 9/11.

Bioethics-based opposition to reasonable ideas

Opposition to human genetic engineering

Bioethics strongly opposes genetic engineering in humans. Since it is tampering with the genetic information that God/Natural Selection/an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters put there, bioethicists view this as somehow "unethical". Genetic engineering offers boundless potential, including the prevention of genetic disorders such as Down's Syndrome and Muscular Dystrophy (as well as many types of blindness and deafness), enhancement of strength and intelligence to near-superhuman levels, removal of free will and human sympathy to create super-soldiers unable to tell right from wrong, capable of slaughtering civilians and enemy soldiers alike with horrifying efficiency and cruelty.

Doofus

A different kind of clone.

Opposition to the cloning of humans for the sole purpose of harvesting their organs should the purchaser of the clone fall ill

Bioethicists are quite adamant about this one. They claim that ownership of a human is "slavery", that the clones would suffer horrible anxiety and depression throughout their lives, and would have to be deprived of their right to life, as such a practice necessitates the forcible repossession of organs. But the true reasoning against organ harvesting is that such a practice would undermine their "no fun" policy. I mean, come on, a human being whose only value is spare parts, with no value given to the human as a whole? How cool would that be? Too cool, according to the bioethicists.

Opposition to turning old people into fertilizer

Bioethicists are not interested in the fact that the elderly contribute very little to society, even though that is an important part of the debate. The oldsters just sit there, taking our money to maintain their decaying bodies, and all the while they could be helping us to grow beautiful flowers for our gardens, or fruits and vegetables to feed the poor. They don't have very long to live anyway, and any objections they raise to being turned into fertilizer can be attributed to senility and discarded. Other than the mentally ill, there are very few groups who are better candidates for turning into fertilizer.

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