Billy Joel Arson Controversy

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“Yes he did! He did start the fire!”
~ Christie Brinkley on The Billy Joel Arson Controversy

The Billy Joel Arson Controversy is the controversy about whether or not Billy Joel actually did start the fire. Many believe he did, and many believe he didn't. The people who believe he didn't have been legally declared meany heads. The controversy first came up in 1948, one year before Billy Joel was born.

The Arson

It is believed that on February 29th, 1948, a young Billy Joel sneaked into the house of Michael J. Fox, at approximately 3:42 AM. He was supposedly naked, with banana pudding smeared all over him. He had no weapons, except his looks. He broke a window, and crawled in through, but Michael was too tired that night to wake up, because he had just got back from the future. While crawling through the window, Billy was cut up pretty bad by the broken glass in the window. He deminished the pain by taking "Powerup Mushrooms," which was just a name of a popular drug back then. He proceeded to move into the large living room of the mansion, where he found a CD with an illegally copied song of his on it, Give me my Piano, Man. He took the CD, pulled a torch out of his ass, farted, and it lit. He then set the couches, curtains, and other things on fire. He quickly grabbed Michael's cat, being a strong animal lover, and took it with him, as he escaped out the window. Right before he got in his Chevrolet Camaro, he threw the cat, knowing it would be safe from the fire, and his fire-farting ass, then he got in his car and left. It is highly speculated that Billy did not use a torch, but just his ass, but most people really don't care.

Evidence Supporting the Crime

  • It is a wide known fact that Billy Joel can indeed fart fire.
  • Michael J. Fox has admitted that he did illegally make a CD that had the song Give me my Piano, Man. The song had not yet been released and that is why Billy Joel would have went to retrieve it. It is also known that the CD was stolen from him on February 29th, the year of the supposed crime, it is just not known who actually stole it.
  • Angelina Jolie has said she personally saw Billy Joel do it, and we all know she would never lie.
  • February 29th is real.
  • On the night in question, Billy drank a lot of take-home pay.
  • Only the good die young, and the dude is old! Case closed.

Evidence Against the Crime

  • No one would use a Chevrolet Camaro as a getaway car, because they suck.
  • In the episode of Futurama where Fry moves the stars around to say something, if you look real careful, you can see that they say "Wheeeeeeeeee!" This obviously is referencing to the fact that Michael J. Fox does not own a cat.
  • At the time of the incident, Billy Joel was bathing at Cold Spring Harbor.
  • Billy Joel has sworn he is an innocent man, and honesty is such a lonely word.
  • Billy Joel supposedly wasn't alive in 1948.

The Trial

Elton John Billy Joel

Joel with his flaming defense attorney, Sir Elton John.

The trial started Spring of 1948, just a few months after the arson was reportedly committed. There is much evidence against Billy Joel, but a verdict has not yet been reached. As of right now, the trial is on recess, and is set to be continued after the judge beats Halo 3 on legendary.

The Song

In response to the trial, Billy Joel made the song I Swear I Didn't Start That Fire. It was a hit song, though considered a bad song by many. He mentions many things that have happened in his life in the song, like the death of John Steinbeck, how Barry Goldwater almost screwed the entire country in the ass, Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide, foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz, hypodermics on the shore, China under martial law, rock and roller cola wars, how he can't take it anymore, and the Pop Tart company being created by splitting from Kelloggs, then taking over the world. It is a wide known fact that he states all of these events to make you forget about what he supposedly did, and to get you on his side. See?

Political song?

While some interpret the song as a political song, others merely interpret it as a glorified list of names and stuff that happened.

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