Bill O'Reilly

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{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Reilly, Bill}}
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[[Image:Oreilly_vibratorzone.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Read Bill's new book. It's doubleplusgood!]]
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{{Q|I'm a modest man. I take my private helicopter home from work, park it in my airport, and sleep in my ivory framed bed under panda-skin sheets just like everybody else.|O'Reilly|modesty}}
[[Image:Oreilly_vibratorzone.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Read his new book. It's doubbleplusgood!]]
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'''William Baba "Bill" O'Reilly''' (born September 10, 1949) is an accomplished journalist renowned for his strictly unbiased approach to news, and famed for his ability to address the nuances and subtleties of a story while raising his voice. He hosts ''The Me Factor'' on [[Fox News]], which is the gold standard for [[United States]] journalism.
   
{{Q|The only guy I know that's actually both imbalanced and unbalanced|Me|Bill O'Reilly}}
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==Early life==
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{{Wikipedia}}
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O'Reilly was born on September 10, 1949 to parents Mary Baba and Terry Reilly in [[New York City]]. Growing up on Long Island, Bill was mischievous, and killed a raccoon at the age of four. However, one day, he found [[Jesus]], who directed young Bill to the way of [[conservatism]] and prompted him to reform.
   
'''William Ignatius Molly Kill "Bill" O'Reilly VIII''', (professional name Bill Oh'Really). Born September 10th, 1949, best describes himself as ''''' 'a self-made -faking '''[[American|Irish]]''' [[Liberal|Hitler]] who hates Niggers more than he hates [[Jews]], spics, womps, [[France]], [[liberals]], Chinks, flips, [[Sal Fasano|moustachiosas]], sand niggers, [[Lesbians|dykes]], and fags'''''', and has been known to shoot Jewish African-Americans on sight.
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In 1964, O'Reilly won the Nobel Peace Prize for helping wipe out leprosy in New York. His strategy? Compel them with the Power of Christ.
   
An accomplished journalist, Bill is renowned for his strictly unbiased approach to news and is famed for his ability to address the nuances and subtleties of a story without raising his voice. He has also been described by himself as a hugely successful, well recognised and respected journalist for his show '''''The Me Factor'''''.
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==Career==
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===ABC News===
== Early Career At ABC News ==
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In 1986, great network news and sports god Roone Arledge hired O'Reilly as a reporter for ''[[UnNews|World News Tonight]]''. His overly conservative views clashed with demi-god anchor Peter Jennings, a diehard liberal. Jennings begged the boss to get rid of O'Reilly, and soon enough Arledge budged. O'Reilly was sent on repeated assignments to [[Saudi Arabia]], where he interviewed rebel and "war hero" [[Osama bin Laden]]. However, the Saudis barred O'Reilly after he threatened to bring one million Christians and "wipe you damn dirty Muslism off the face of the earth."
In the year of 1979, the great network news and sports god Roone Arledge made the first of several deals with [[satan]] to bring Bill O'Reilly in to be a reporter for [[UnNews|World News Tonight]]. His overly-conservative views led the network's demi-god anchor, the omnipotent [[Peter Jennings]] to loathe O'Reilly, since Jennings was a die-hard liberal. Jennings was quoted as saying "There's only room for one dickhead at this network, and I'm going to be the only one." However, Arledge had purchased O'Reilly for life. Jennings used his power and constant threats to have the first born of Arledge slaughtered on live television, and to have Howard Cosell anchor in his place, to get Arledge to send O'Reilly where he could get easily killed. O'Reilly was sent on repeated assignments to Hell, where he interviewed [[John F. Kennedy]] and [[Satan]] himself. However, [[Hell]] barred O'Reilly after he threatened to bring one million Christians to wipe Hell off the face of the earth. [[Satan]] stated in repeated interviews that he would never forgive Roone Arledge for what he did, and got his payback when he got Arledge for all eternity in 2002. Nonetheless, Satan and Arledge have managed to patch things up since God revealed that Unitarianism was the only true religion and, thus, he was able to use O'Reilly's crusaders as a substitute for the ailing infernal plumbing system.
 
   
 
Afterwards, Jennings used his influence to delegate O'Reilly to doing business briefs on the network. O'Reilly would always open his briefs with the same line "I'm Bill O'Reilly, and this is a business brief, and I'm not wearing any briefs." The briefs came to an end after only one year when an apparently drunk and high O'Reilly came on air, announced that the Economy was screwed, and attempted to have sex with [[Barbara Walters]] on camera.
 
Afterwards, Jennings used his influence to delegate O'Reilly to doing business briefs on the network. O'Reilly would always open his briefs with the same line "I'm Bill O'Reilly, and this is a business brief, and I'm not wearing any briefs." The briefs came to an end after only one year when an apparently drunk and high O'Reilly came on air, announced that the Economy was screwed, and attempted to have sex with [[Barbara Walters]] on camera.
   
==Reputation==
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===Fox News===
He is renowned in the field of political science for his scintillating wit and profound sense of courtesy. His techniques have been described by leading news analysts Ann Coulter, Joseph Goebbels, and Lyndon LaRouche as "[[Fox News|fair and balanced]]".
 
 
Despite being mischievous in his childhood (Bill killed his first black man at age 2) Bill reformed and became a conservative. He won the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize for helping wipe out leprosy in California by killing all lepers under the age of 7. "I still hate n*****s" said Bill, "but I'm willing to help 'em if I can kill some of 'em in the process".
 
 
==2005 Phone Scandal==
 
In 2005, it was revealed that O'Reilly was having ''phone sex'' with [[Ann Coulter]]. Unfortunately, O'Reilly's head got stuck under his matress, which he was pretending was Anne's ass. O'Reilly remained stuck for 2 days as his family was visiting relatives in Vermont. O'Reilly nearly died in the incident. For the 2 days he was stuck, [[Bob Saget]] took over for him on his show. On taking over the show again, Bill retold the story in explicit detail. It was rebroadcast at 4pm the following day for those children who had been in bed during the original transmission.
 
 
==Other Scandals==
 
[[Image:Oreilly_parade.jpg|thumb|right|250px|PARADE magazine tells all]]
 
O'Reilly also became the only man to have sex with [[Terri Schiavo|Terri Schiavo's]] corpse. O'Reilly was taping his show on location at the morgue of the hospital Terri passed away at.For a few minutes after the camera was off, and no one else was around, Bill took the opportunity to engage in [[necrophilia]]. No one knew about this incident at first. However, the next day, after enjoying his rendezvous with "enlightenment", he privately spoke about the incident to [[Rush Limbaugh|Rush (I have a small penis, that's why I'm mean) Limbaugh]] when he stated emphatically that he will "continue trying to fuck America in the ass on television with Nancy Grace's dildo". Unfortunately he said that in his studio without his knowledge the microphone was on. O'Reilly was nearly fired for the incident. However, as of 2007, his Fox News Show and his radio show still exist, and O'Reilly still has not apologized to the public, nor to Schiavo's family, nor to Nancy Grace.
 
 
===Quotes===
 
*"It's the fucking [[French]]" ~O'Reilly on the budget deficit
 
*"I'm a modest man. I take my private helicopter home from work, park it in my airport, and sleep in my ivory framed bed under panda-skin sheets just like everybody else." ~O'Reilly commenting on how he is just like "the folks" he defends.
 
*"Nobody can identify the body if the head is chopped off and notable tatoos are taken off with a cheese grater." ~O'Reilly commenting on the proper way to dispose of dead [[hookers]].
 
*"If they can't find the body, it's not a murder - it's a 'missing person,' I tell you!" ~O'Reilly talking in his sleep
 
*"If you want to see something bigger than my ego, meet me in room 318 at the Holiday Inn at midnight. Woof, woof!" ~O'Reilly to woman.
 
*"I'm Irish" "No Bill you're American". ~Real Exchange
 
*"If I ever see a Holocaust survivor in person, I'm gonna kick his ass!"
 
*"You're poor because you're a drug addicted alcoholic faggot!"
 
 
== The Zero' Reilly Factor ==
 
 
[[Image:Oreilly_shutup.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Billy wants YOU to shut up...]]
 
[[Image:Oreilly_shutup.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Billy wants YOU to shut up...]]
The 0 Reilly Factor is a much respected and renowned television show, critically acclaimed for its elegant format and unbiased intellectual discourse. The show lasts 60 minutes, during which O'Reilly reads fan mail to the camera reminding viewers why he is the smartest man alive. Then at the end of each show, he shoots two liberals in the knee caps. If the gun jams, he just looks sheepishly at the camera and mumbles "Frodo Lives" until they break for a commercial.
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In 1996, O'Reilly packed his bags and moved over to [[Fox News]], where he started his own show called ''The O'Reilly Factor'' (also known as ''The Me Factor''). It is a much respected and renowned program, critically acclaimed for its elegant format and unbiased intellectual discourse. The show lasts 60 minutes, during which O'Reilly reads fan mail to the camera reminding viewers why he is the smartest man alive. Then at the end of each show, he shoots two liberals in the knee caps. If the gun jams, he just looks sheepishly at the camera and mumbles "Frodo Lives" until they break for a commercial.
   
O'Reilly's continued efforts on his show to smite the [[liberal media]] and secularists provided means for his selection as a major General of the Second Civil War, or the [[War Against Secularism]]. This format has proven to be immensely popular with 3,000 viewers every night, making The O'Reilly Factor the 4th highest rated evening show after Green Acres reruns on that timeslot.
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O'Reilly's continued efforts on his show to smite the [[liberal media]] and secularists provided means for his selection as a major General of the Second Civil War: the War Against Secularism. This format has proven to be immensely popular with 3,000 viewers every night, making The O'Reilly Factor the 4th highest rated evening show, after reruns of ''Green Acres.''
   
 
O'Reilly fought with alarming success alongside [[Fox]] against secularists such as [[Scientists]], [[Liberal Terrorists]], The [[Evil Atheist Conspiracy]], and [[Doctors]]. By the end of this bloody crusade, O'Reilly had rid the world of hot lesbian sex, turned back the filthy, heathen effort to cure [[cancer]] at the eleventh hour, and reinstated [[cholera]] and tetanus as primary killers of all demographics.
 
O'Reilly fought with alarming success alongside [[Fox]] against secularists such as [[Scientists]], [[Liberal Terrorists]], The [[Evil Atheist Conspiracy]], and [[Doctors]]. By the end of this bloody crusade, O'Reilly had rid the world of hot lesbian sex, turned back the filthy, heathen effort to cure [[cancer]] at the eleventh hour, and reinstated [[cholera]] and tetanus as primary killers of all demographics.
   
[[Image:OReillyTheGrouch.png|thumb|250px|right|O'Reilly The Grouch with his friend Arnold Schwarzenegger]]
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==Political views==
=="Far-left communist" billionaire George Soros is taking over the world theory==
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O'Reilly is renowned in the field of political commentary for his scintillating wit and profound sense of courtesy. His techniques have been described by leading news analysts [[Ann Coulter]], [[Glenn Beck (person)|Glenn Beck]], and [[Rush Limbaugh]] as "[[Fox News|fair and balanced]]".
Bill O'Reilly's latest feat is a stunning report on the network that [[antichrist]] [[George Soros]] has surrounded himself with.
 
The reports on this were amazingly accurate and completely true.
 
Critics prone to disbelieving such theories were harshly silenced with the advent of the following graphic on Bill O'Reilly's.
 
As is abundantly clear, the arrows indicate the flow of Jesons, atoms of [[Christian]] power that leftist communists like Soros have, in the past, hijacked and used for [[evil]]. Soros uses his money and political connections to acquire these Jesons, which are then channelled in arrow-shaped flows as shown. The diagram is visually accurate. Once the Jesons have entered the mainstream [[media]], they are beamed directly to other filthy socialists, who share the Jesons with other communists as part of a barter system that foregoes US [[currency]], since this is their equivalent of [[kryptonite]]. He continues to do so to this day, hoping one day to distribute enough Jesons to raise the liberal prophet [[Josef Stalin]] from his grave, with the aim that the Man of Steel will be able to crush [[freedom]] and [[democracy]], Soros's two main pet hates. Previous attempts using Liberons were thwarted, due to the fact that the strength of said liberal atoms were only 12% of the strength of Jesons.
 
 
Some people have suggested an inherent and fundamental flaw in O'Reilly's term "Far Left Billionaire George Soros", but they are sadly mistaken. This is evidenced by the fact that none of these so called 'critics' have their own [[television]] shows [reference not found]. Some have been graciously allowed on the O'Reilly "Talk Louder Than" segment, but all have been drowned out by well-aimed insults from the Big Bear.
 
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
[[Image:Wtfkopie.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Bill's reaction.]]
 
* [[Glenn Beck]]
 
* [[Homosexuality]]
 
 
* [[Kill Bill]]
 
* [[Kill Bill]]
* [[Sean Hannity]]
 
* [[Ann Coulter]]
 
 
* [[Fox News]]
 
* [[Fox News]]
 
* [[Neocon]]
 
* [[Neocon]]
 
* [[Bill O'Reilly/O'Reilly Factor theme song|The O'Reilly Factor theme song]]
 
* [[Bill O'Reilly/O'Reilly Factor theme song|The O'Reilly Factor theme song]]
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*[[A Bold Fresh Piece Of Humanity]]
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{{GOP}}
   
{{AoED}}
 
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Reilly, Bill}}
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Reilly, Bill}}
 
[[Category:Fox News Channel]]
 
[[Category:Fox News Channel]]
[[Category:Assholes]]
 
[[Category:Followers God Would Rather Not Have]]
 
[[Category:Minions of Satan]]
 
[[Category:Attention Whores]]
 
[[Category:Nightmares Made Flesh]]
 
[[Category:Really Angry People]]
 
[[Category:Powerful Supernatural Creatures]]
 
[[Category:American political writers]]
 
[[Category:People who could benefit from getting laid more often]]
 
[[Category:Douches]]
 
[[Category:Idiots]]
 
[[Category:Wankers]]
 
 
[[Category:Republicans]]
 
[[Category:Republicans]]
[[Category:Liars]]
 
[[Category:Racists]]
 

Latest revision as of 16:46, August 3, 2015

Oreilly vibratorzone

Read Bill's new book. It's doubleplusgood!

“I'm a modest man. I take my private helicopter home from work, park it in my airport, and sleep in my ivory framed bed under panda-skin sheets just like everybody else.”
~ O'Reilly on modesty

William Baba "Bill" O'Reilly (born September 10, 1949) is an accomplished journalist renowned for his strictly unbiased approach to news, and famed for his ability to address the nuances and subtleties of a story while raising his voice. He hosts The Me Factor on Fox News, which is the gold standard for United States journalism.

edit Early life

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bill O'Reilly.

O'Reilly was born on September 10, 1949 to parents Mary Baba and Terry Reilly in New York City. Growing up on Long Island, Bill was mischievous, and killed a raccoon at the age of four. However, one day, he found Jesus, who directed young Bill to the way of conservatism and prompted him to reform.

In 1964, O'Reilly won the Nobel Peace Prize for helping wipe out leprosy in New York. His strategy? Compel them with the Power of Christ.

edit Career

edit ABC News

In 1986, great network news and sports god Roone Arledge hired O'Reilly as a reporter for World News Tonight. His overly conservative views clashed with demi-god anchor Peter Jennings, a diehard liberal. Jennings begged the boss to get rid of O'Reilly, and soon enough Arledge budged. O'Reilly was sent on repeated assignments to Saudi Arabia, where he interviewed rebel and "war hero" Osama bin Laden. However, the Saudis barred O'Reilly after he threatened to bring one million Christians and "wipe you damn dirty Muslism off the face of the earth."

Afterwards, Jennings used his influence to delegate O'Reilly to doing business briefs on the network. O'Reilly would always open his briefs with the same line "I'm Bill O'Reilly, and this is a business brief, and I'm not wearing any briefs." The briefs came to an end after only one year when an apparently drunk and high O'Reilly came on air, announced that the Economy was screwed, and attempted to have sex with Barbara Walters on camera.

edit Fox News

Oreilly shutup

Billy wants YOU to shut up...

In 1996, O'Reilly packed his bags and moved over to Fox News, where he started his own show called The O'Reilly Factor (also known as The Me Factor). It is a much respected and renowned program, critically acclaimed for its elegant format and unbiased intellectual discourse. The show lasts 60 minutes, during which O'Reilly reads fan mail to the camera reminding viewers why he is the smartest man alive. Then at the end of each show, he shoots two liberals in the knee caps. If the gun jams, he just looks sheepishly at the camera and mumbles "Frodo Lives" until they break for a commercial.

O'Reilly's continued efforts on his show to smite the liberal media and secularists provided means for his selection as a major General of the Second Civil War: the War Against Secularism. This format has proven to be immensely popular with 3,000 viewers every night, making The O'Reilly Factor the 4th highest rated evening show, after reruns of Green Acres.

O'Reilly fought with alarming success alongside Fox against secularists such as Scientists, Liberal Terrorists, The Evil Atheist Conspiracy, and Doctors. By the end of this bloody crusade, O'Reilly had rid the world of hot lesbian sex, turned back the filthy, heathen effort to cure cancer at the eleventh hour, and reinstated cholera and tetanus as primary killers of all demographics.

edit Political views

O'Reilly is renowned in the field of political commentary for his scintillating wit and profound sense of courtesy. His techniques have been described by leading news analysts Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh as "fair and balanced".

edit See also

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