Bill O'Reilly/Quotes

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The following are some of Bill O'Reilly's popular quotes. We at Uncyclopedia do not condone any of his views, but we must admit, he is fucking hilarious.

edit Quotes

  • "When I said 'all niggers are faggots,' I misspoke. What I meant to say was 'all faggots are niggers.' I apologize if any niggers or faggots were offended by my previous statement." ~O'Reilly on being misquoted. (Not true, it is a quote from David Cross's stand-up album "It's Not Funny".)
  • "Shut up! Shut up! (To Producers) Cut his mic! Cut his mic!" ~Bill O'Reilly being "Fair and Balanced" as usual.
  • "What? Fuck you!" ~Mic on Bill O´Reilly cutting him.
  • "It's the fucking French" ~O'Reilly on the budget deficit.
  • "Jean Luc Picard sucks" ~O'Reilly on the budget deficit.
  • "Now, the first thing I'd do is use the falafel thing on him" ~O'Reilly in his interview with Bush explaining how he would have dealt with Osama Bin Laden.
  • "I'm a modest man. I take my private helicopter home from work, park it in my airport, and sleep in my ivory framed bed under panda-skin sheets just like everybody else." ~O'Reilly commenting on how he is just like "the folks" he defends.
  • "Nobody can identify the body if the head is chopped off and notable tattoos are taken off with a cheese grater." ~O'Reilly commenting on the proper way to dispose of dead hookers.
  • "If they can't find the body, it's not a murder - it's a 'missing person,' I tell you!" ~O'Reilly talking in his sleep.
  • "If you want to see something bigger than my ego, meet me in room 318 at the Holiday Inn at midnight. Woof, woof!" ~O'Reilly to every woman he has ever met.
  • "Today, in an fire in the Bronx, some dirty niggerscum died like the filthy black pigs they... Oh wait, did I say that out loud?" ~O'Reilly commenting on a fire in the Bronx.
  • "Your so called compassion has killed me." ~O'Reilly on logic
  • "Sir. Sir. Sir. SIR." ~ O'Rly on Sir.
  • "That's Mr. Sir to you, bitch"-Sir on O'Rly
  • "If I ever see a Holocaust survivor in person, I'm gonna kick his ass!" ~ O'Rly on the fundamentals of Europes economy.
  • "And in Malmedy, as you know, US forces captured SS forces and they shot them down. That's on the record and documented" ~O'Reilly on the Nazi war crimes in Malmedy to US soldiers.
  • "All Liberals are Nazis. Heck, Liberals are Jews. Jews are the real Nazis. They started all the wars of the world. Hey, producer, are you a Jew? Don't tell me to not say that. FUCK IT. I can say whatever I fucking want...you goddamn fucking Liberal Nazi Jew." - O'Reilly blabbing while totally sober.
OReillySpin

O'Reilly on Crack

edit O'Reilly Quotes About Famous People

  • "Never send a boy to do a man's job." ~O'Reilly on Adolf Hitler.
  • "I'd do him." ~O'Reilly on Ronald Reagan.
  • "Fuck you, Billy. Fuck you." ~Ronald Reagan's dead rotten corpse on perversion.
  • "Go cut your hair, you hippie." ~ Bill O'Reilly to Jesus.
  • "Only dunes and coons come from Iraq, and you sure as shit don't look like a dune - so that narrows it down a little." ~ Bill O'Reilly to the Iraqi Ambassador.
  • I'm just gonna pretend that never happened" ~ Bill O'Reilly on Obama's inauguration
  • "Ah, Ah yeah, that's it, dangle for me, DANGLE, AHHHHHHH!" ~ Bill O'Reilly masturbating to Saddam Hussein's execution.
  • "Please don't shoot me." ~Bill O'Reilly when he met R. Lee Ermey.
  • "Go do the helicopter, you trainhomo!" ~Bill O'Reilly in an unique exchange with Keith Olbermann.
  • "Do you understand what the New York Times wants, and the Far Left want? They want to break down the white, Christian, male power structure which you are a part of, and so am I, and bring in MILLIONS of Wetbacks!" ~Bill O' Reilly to John McCain.
  • "NO! It's not OOHH--KAAAYYY to say WHAT! all the time!" ~Bill O'Reilly on Lil Jon.
  • "We never met, period." ~O'Reilly on Oscar Wilde.
  • "I've still got her bear trap vagina." ~Bill O'Reilly on Ann Coulter.
  • "Oh yeah, baby mama. You really turn me on". ~O'reilly on Sarah Palin.
  • "BITCH!"~O'reilly's nickname for Hillary Clinton.
  • "What a nutjob this man is, he's bigoted, hateful and extremist."~ O'reilly's school yard gang bully Michael Savage.
  • "I don't like the way he breathes, you know? It makes me think he's trying to make America gay." On Buddha.
  • "What the fuck are you talking about?" On Dennis Miller
  • No I have never drank alcohol nor have I ever smoked marijuana MMMMMMMMMIIISTERRR LIBERAL! I just sniff my children's underwear late at night to get a quick buzz! - O'Reilly acting his usual planet X-ian self.
  • FUCK Bill Maher. - On seeing an ad for the film 'Religulous'.
  • Myyyyyyyy Braaaaaaaaaiiiiin!- On the day of November 4th, 2008.
  • " well I just pretend I have tourettes syndrome, really." - O'Reilly on preparing for his show, The O'Reilly Factor.
  • He seems like such a great man...Filled with wonder and knowledge! - O'Reilly on meeting his twin brother inside his brain Bill O'Reilly.
  • "Live" - O'Reilly on how his show's outro should fucking be done.
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