Bill Murray
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“Girls go for me. Because I don't wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something covered in disgusting, smelly feces.”
~ Bill Murray on women
“I bashed him once.”
~ K.P. Figgs on bashing Bill Murray once
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Still commonly referred to as "funnyman" Bill Murray, usually by the same uncreative assholes in the media who have been calling Madonna the Material Girl for twenty years, Bill Murray has in fact not smiled or laughed since the mid nineties. The reason for this is " I'm fucking Bill Murray, and I don't have to be happy if I don't want to". And so it was written.
[edit] Origin
Well, when a mommy and a daddy like each other a lot, the get nakid and get jiggy with it alllllright. In this case some freakish alien tribe dumped in Hollywood and for some reason some smart guy director felt sorry for him and he got great roles like, Rushmore, the Life Aquatic, and so many more.
[edit] Dead Stars
Murray has also been implicated in, though never charged for, the deaths of several cast members of Saturday Night Live. Specifically, Murray's amazing recent career is believed to have triggered the murder-suicide of Phil Hartman by his wife Brynn, the drug overdose of Chris Farley, Horatio Sands's death from AIDS, and Chevy Chase's death by choking on horse cock. Bill Murray has caused the death of 840 people in the last century, many of them pale, freckly types like himself OF Adventure Comedy
[edit] Life As a Hobo
Somewhere in his career Bill Murray had no movies to be in and his wife ran away with Aiden McCrazy (creator of the Hiroshima tradgedy) and all of Bill Murray's money, so Bill Murray became a hobo. People would look at him and say "turn away honey, he'll want to be charming and make you laugh". This would anger "The Big Mur" so much he turned to drinking and became a drunk but looked extremely half dead. This is what caused Murray to adapt the Murray persona. He then decided that there was only one thing to do: go and kill Aiden McCrazy, get his wife back, get a big lawsuite getting the public aroused, then taking his anger out on his wife and threaten to kill her if she leaves him again.
[edit] His Secret Lover
Unknown to most, Bill Murray got freaky with Ralph Nader at the age of 12, thus birthing Keanu Reeves. Bill has kept this a secret, but it got leaked out in his ultimate edition hobo guide he released back in November of 2004.
[edit] See him
You cannot see him. if you do, he will simply state that "noone will ever believe you". and he is right, noone ever would.
[edit] Taking Out His Plan
He bought an uzi and set out to find the man who in one pelvic thrust leveled the city of hiroshima. He got them in the middle of Rough Gay Wolf Sex human style and the site was not pretty. Bam! the shot hit McCrazy right where the sun dont shine. Bam! Another shot right to the head. He grabbed his wife and said "your coming with me". She screamed and ran for the phone and dialed 911. His plan was working fine. His court date is semptember 11 2006. Hopefully Unnews will give you the details.
[edit] The Ghostbuster
One of Bill's many contributions to society was the brief time he spent fighting ghosts alongside Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd, Danny Phantom, Slimer, and Ernie Hudson, during which he brought the Statue of Liberty to life.
