Big Sandwich

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Big sandwich

You want extra ham on that?

“The best condiment is more meat.”
~ Seth the Immortal on Big Sandwiches

A Big Sandwich is somewhat larger than a standard 6" x 6" sliced loaf sandwich. Large bread is not all though, oh no, the Big Sandwich or 'Yarnosarus' or 'Yarnold Schwarzanegger' must contain a minimum of 3 types of Meat. The BSRC (Big Sandwich Regulatory Commission) state that "Cheese is a kind of meat, a friendly tasty treat" Therefore in the rules of Big Sandwich construction it as seen as a given that cheese is one of the minimum of three meats.

edit Big Sandwich Regulatory Commission

The BSRC was founded in 1901 when Sir Blenderfist declared his oversized sandwich a "marvel" and "an affront to God" Blenderfist also described the day (Wednesday) to be forever referred to as "Big Sandwich Wednesday" Blenderfist went about establishing a team of Big Sandwich Officers, he toured the world finding the finest meats, finest cheeses, largest breads and most importantly Big Sandwich eaters of great knowledge. The BSRC was officially recognised by the British Crown on November 2nd 1904.

edit Rules & Regulations

  • A big sandwich should contain a minimum of 3 meats (Cheese is a kind of meat)
  • A big sandwich must measure at least 12" along one axis
  • A big sandwich eater must fully eat his/her whole sandwich to fully appease God
  • The construction and building of a big sandwich must be taken as seriously as a precision piece of engineering and as passionately as a piece of art.

edit Terminology

Since entering the 21st century new terms to describe a big Sandwich have emerged, below is a list of some of the names and any explanation available:

  • Yarn - The term yarn originated in the South of England, the term loosely applies to a Big Sandwich but more refers to any size of sandwich that is of particular quality.
  • Yarnosarus - Specifically referring to a Big Sandwich which is dinosauric in proportions.
  • Yarnold Schwarzenegger - This term was first coined in reference to the sheer size of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and how his stature as a human being is similar to that of a particularly meaty, no foolin', not-messing-around large sandwich.
  • Sub - This term was created by a company who tried to cash in on the Big Sandwich, but ended up creating the largest bastardisation of a food ever.
  • The French Duke Napoleon Super Bastard - This refers to a classic Big Sandwich, when the crafter cuts a French loaf into two slices and proceeds to construct a sandwich without cutting the loaf into separate sandwiches. The French Duke Napoleon super Bastard requires some skill to hold and "an Iron stomach to consume" -Brian Blessed

edit Consumption

The consumption of a Big Sandwich should alter the eaters voice, it should sound like something is lodged in the throat due to consumption of so much bread and meat. When eating a Big Sandwich one should always keep it as one piece, never slice the Piece into smaller pieces.

“A real man should be able to hold all that he intends to eat within his fists while he eats.”
~ General Heinz Guidarian

It is considered extremely rude to not finish a Big Sandwich, some would say you are a big poofter-nancey-French-boy if you cannot complete it.

edit See Also

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