Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|
The greatest cover art known to man.
|Director(s)||Lord Stell and Sergey Titov|
|Release date||November 20, 2003|
|Rating||E for Everyone|
Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing (often simply referred to as Big Rigs, BROTRR, or :brbox:) is a 2003 WINNER third-person racing video game developed by Stellar Stone and published by GameMill Publishing for Microsoft Windows PC systems.
Although the game's packaging states that the main objective is to race their Big Rig to safety in order to deliver illegal cargo being carried by the vessel, while avoiding the police, in actuality, there are no police in the game, because pigs fear the power of WINNER. Much of the game instead centers on the player racing their truck to the finish line; however, the player's computer-controlled opponent vehicles have no AI and never move from the starting position, because they know their goddamn place. In addition, due to a lack of collision detection, there are no obstacles to negotiate within the game, and the laws of physics can be violated frequently with awesome results—this is, of course, all by design.
Big Rigs fiercely divided critics; much of the criticism for the game was directed at its tendency to transcend all which we know and hold dear to bring the player to a state of complete oneness with all that is good and WINNER. As a result, the title is unfairly regarded as one of the worst video games of all-time. Despite these criticisms, the game sold fairly well, converting nearly 20,000 souls to divine WINNERdom, as well as causing Dissident to gain a cult following on the internet. Those who have been converted to WINNER consider Big Rigs to be the greatest game ever made, and the greatest invention in the world.
The gameplay in Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is extremely unique and will keep you on the edge of your seat. At first glance, the game's premise would be to utilize the brake-jammin' and CB-talkin' techniques to haul your illegal cargo across America and get it to your destination before your opponent. Failure to do this will lead to you being caught by the ULTIMATE TRAFFIC STOPPER: A POLICE ROADBLOCK. There are Four Almighty Rigs to choose from, each with their own unique powers, abilities, and skill levels. There are five beautifully-designed tracks, one of which cannot be selected by those who are non-WINNER.
However, Big Rigs introduces a new concept, never-before-seen in conventional racing games: you can manipulate time and other laws of physics. Yes, that's right. For example, no matter how much time you give the opponent rig, he never moves. Some have accused this of being a game-breaking glitch, but in actual fact, this is the result of your rig stopping time, permitting you to move at your own pace. Another supposed glitch is the ability to drive over any surface, no matter how steep, and through any object (houses, lamps, bridges, etc.) as if it doesn't exist. This is not a glitch, but a side effect of the time stopping technique. The Big Rig's molecules have no physical presence, and can therefore move wherever they wish regardless of gravity or other forces, and is also the reason why big rigs are capable of infinite speeds in reverse.
Due to this, the player's rig is able to avoid the ultimate traffic stopper by traversing off the road and even off the map, into the Grey Void, where rigs can manipulate time and space to travel wherever they please in an instant and use the force of WINNER to defeat opposing LOSERs. When the player finishes a race, they are greeted with the very famous "YOU'RE WINNER !" trophy, to boost their self-esteem and WINNERness. This is another one of the game's many beloved features, one that helped inspire the philosophy of Rigism. Unfortunately, many LOSERs failed to understand the scar-inducing beauty of the trophy, and dismissed it as nothing more than "improper grammar." Sometimes, while the player is driving in the middle of nowhere, they will win the race without even being in front of the opponent,
Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing features a complex and gripping storyline. In the year 2101, WINNERness has been outlawed by Alex Navarro (Hal P. Warren) and his band of LOSERs, furries, racists, and non-heterosexual persongots. Copies of this game itself have been banned, and all hope seems lost. Sergey Titov (Sylvester Stallone) is a Russian truck driver who carries potatoes on his Big Rig through various locations in the vast territory of the newly-established LOSER Union, a LOSER version of the glorious Soviet Union. One day, the Union meets its end and Titov finds himself unemployed, with a measly two cents in his pocket. He realizes that the only thing he can do is drive his Big Rig, and seeing that he was no longer able to support his sick daughter, Sergey flees to the United States on a stolen speedboat.
Once there, Sergey meets Jamal (Shaquille O'Neal), a fellow truck driver. The two become great friends, and meet up with two other truck drivers, Durik (Gary Busey) and Yaroslav (Steve Buscemi). Together, the four truck drivers and their Four Rigs (Megaone, Thunder, Thunderbull, and SunriseW12) have salvaged the remaining copies of BROTRR, and a few WINNER strongholds have been established undetected. The drivers then realize that in order to return order, they must spread BROTRR across the United States, and eventually the world. Under the guidance of Italian mobster Paulie Leone (Christian Bale), they set off on their journey.
From then on, the game focuses on the four truck drivers traveling the United States, from Portland, Oregon to Miami, Florida, carrying all sorts of illegal cargo (but mostly Big Rigs copies). After the four drivers have traveled through Devil Passage 1, Devil Passage 2, and Forgotten Road 1, Alex Navarro gets wind of their crusades to stop LOSER, and sends his Dark LOSER Agents, led by Sgt. Delano (Sean Connery), to stop the drivers and put an end to the business of Leone, jeopardizing the future of Sergey and his family. Towards the end of the Forgotten Road race, Durik runs into a police roadblock led by Delano, and gets into a scuffle with the LOSER agents. He is quickly captured with SunriseW12 and brought to GameSpot HQ.
The remaining three drivers travel through the American deserts, and find a gas station run by upstanding African American member of society Ivan (Samuel L. Jackson). Ivan is a former Idol of Rigism, and tells the three drivers that GameSpot is headquartered in Nightride, Los Angeles. While buying some snacks for the road, Sergey begins to lose faith in his teammates, and decides to question their personal values. The three get into a fight, but ultimately decide that their illegal cargo is being transported for the purpose of good, not evil. They make their to Nightride (a stage only accessible to extreme WINNERs), infiltrating the GS building and doing battle with CATS (Tesshō Genda). After CATS is defeated, he shows them where Durik is and decides to join the WINNER side upon defeat.
In his penthouse, Navarro is preparing an ultra-LOSER special edition of Gaylo as ammunition for his fleet of LOSER spaceships that will vanquish any of the remaining WINNER in the world. However, the Four Rigs as well as CATS, Barney, Drake, Michael Jackson, E.T., and many more bust into the doors of Navarro's lair, engaging him in a fierce battle and defeating him via a painful kick to the gonads. However, Navarro, revealing himself as HWSNBN, escapes onboard his ship. Durik, making a heroic sacrifice, follows HWSNBN onto the ship and engages him in an even fiercer duel then the last. After several hours, HWSNBN realizes they have reached Stellar Stone HQ in Santa Monica. Knowing he would eventually be captured if he escaped, HWSNBN attempts at suicide bombing the building. Suddenly, Durik stabs Navarro in the back with a knife, leaking LOSER acids all over the keyboard panel and causing the ship to short-circuit. Durik desperately attempts at pulling the ship towards GS HQ, and eventually succeeds.
After the ship crashes, the WINNERs who were in the building make their way out as it goes down in flames. SunriseW12 weeps for his dead owner, but Durik suddenly emerges from the flames, guided by Lord Stell himself. Stell, having awed everybody with his presence, proceeds to fade away into the night, just as the GS building explodes and a shockwave of WINNER erupts from it, crumbling Nightride to ashes and destroying much of the remaining LOSER in the world. The next morning, the Four Rigs decide to spread WINNERness to the local townspeople, their city having been destroyed. After they are done, they go to Paulie's hideout and demand that he give them their money. Paulie refuses and pulls a shotgun on them, asking them to leave. Sergey begins to tear up, but hands Paulie a copy of Big Rigs. When he touches the game, a jolt of WINNER is sent through his body. Paulie has learned the ways of Lord Stell, and gives them their money.
Sergey says goodbye to his friends, and goes back to his home in Mother Russia. There, he finds his wife and daughter aren't at home. He listens to the answering machine, and finds that they are at his daughter's baseball game. Sergey then rushes over to the local baseball stadium, and is relieved to know that his daughter is still functioning. Sergey's wife smiles at him, delighted to see him give up his career for one day. Tears are shed as the daughter hits her first home run and the crowd cheers. Sergey then gazes into the sunset and thanks Stell for this wonderful and spiritual journey. Once the game is over, Sergey takes his daughter to the hospital, and, after some surgery, she is restored to WINNER health.
YOU'RE WINNER !
Big Rigs was created when Colonel Warhawk, tired of seeing his Soviet army being exterminated by Rambo, decided to innovate to capture data from the U.S. government. Through a partnership with the PSTU and Universal Church, they created a way to invade the American computers and thus steal your secret data to enhance initiatives for world domination. It fit like a glove in an "innocent " game, where spyware lodges, and when the game is open, your data is exposed to Russian hackers. With the success of the game and high scores on specialized websites, the Soviet Union now has the strength to dominate the United states players making puppets. Of course, since America is full os LOSERs and Russia is mostly WINNER, this is a good thing.
The game was launched by the Soviet Union. Stellar Stone planned to not only go up against all American, European, and Japanese competitors, but hit them and call them little girls.
edit Reception and legacy
Few reviews exist of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, the majority of which are negative and posted on LOSER sites such as GameSpot and GameFAQs. Many of said critics went as far as to list it among the worst video games of all-time, which is a lie since only LOSER games like Halo deserve such a sad honor. Nevertheless, the game garnered an 8 out of 100 score on Metacritic, with the only scores higher than 0 being 1, which were given by websites that did not have a 0 score, giving it the lowest score of any game on Metacritic, as well as an average score of 3.83% on GameRankings, making it the number one "All-Time Worst" video game on the website.
Many LOSER critics who reviewed Big Rigs cited nonexsistent issues, such as frequent clipping, poor visuals, a lack of collision detection, and improper grammar for the "YOU'RE WINNER !" screen. Alex Navarro of GameSpot rated Big Rigs a 1/10, the lowest score in GameSpot history and described it as "as bad as your mind will allow you to comprehend". However, many have argued that these gaming sites have been infected by LOSER, and therefore their opinion is incredibly biased. GameSpot's 1.0 rating has been attributed to LOSER gaming studios such as Bungie paying off the reviewers. In contrast, there are very few positive reviews of Big Rigs, mostly due to all the reviewers being far too busy playing the game.
However, the game received overwhelmingly positive reception in Africa, where it was found to be the sole cure of AIDS and poverty. Most positive reviews of Big Rigs that do exists award it high scores of 11 out of 10, due to groundbreaking gameplay, story, graphics and sound. The "YOU'RE WINNER !" trophy that appears at the end of the race is one factor most commonly cited for to the game's success, as the trophy has often been found to cure all diseases and restore self-esteem. Some people don't even consider Big Rigs to be an actual game, but rather a genuine slice of heaven in CD-ROM form.
in 2009, WINNER director Roger Corman created a Big Rigs film based on the game. The intention was to capitalize on the huge success of the game, hoping to create more WINNER in the world. All of the actors from the original game reprised their roles, and the plot is a near word-for-word recreation of the game's. Despite promising a studded cast of Hollywood stars, the film proved too WINNER for audiences to handle, and was a total failure among the box office, LOSER film critics, and audiences, who consider it one of the worst movies based on video games in history. Many of these LOSERs believe the film was released in an incomplete state, which explains how it only last thirteen minutes. Other complaints included "shoddy CGI," "missing sound effects," "trucks violating the laws of physics all the time," and "several times, the film simply goes black."
Director Roger Corman argued in his defense that the film's producer cut the budget without notice and so he had to release the film the way it was. The reception was so negative that won every Razzie at the same time and ended up being banned forever from the cycle of Hollywood films. Still, a few million dollars, rubles, and pounds were collected with the film, which won the admiration of nostalgic gamers. Other critics praised the film for its simplicity and sincerity. Legend has it that Big Rigs can still be seen in some drive-in theaters in northwest Russia, but it is most likely hearsay.
Rigism is a system of beliefs inspired by Big Rigs, which received unusual, shocking and bizarrely inaccurate negative reviews, including a 1/10 from GameSpot. Rigism grew out of the WINNER community on the GameFAQs boards for Big Rigs, and was quickly turned into a religion on June 20, 2005 by benevolent WINNER Cirus. On June 25, 2005, Cirus started a Big Rigs and Rigism forum on Invisionfree, where users were free to express their love of BROTRR without being hindered by Nazi mods. Later on in its history, Cirus changed Rigism from a religion to a philosophy after some followers felt uncomfortable in denouncing their respective religions. Nonetheless, Rigism is open to interpretation by the user. Rigists use the Book of Rigism as their guide.
Rigism is based around the idea of WINNER, a force introduced to the masses by the "YOU'RE WINNER !" trophy first seen in Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. WINNER is a powerful force capable of great deeds, and Rigism teaches followers to harness this power and use it to enable them to serve their potential in life. The five main figures of WINNER are Lord Stell, the supreme master of WINNER, and the Four Rigs (Megaone, Thunder, Thunderbull and Sunrise W12), four sentient trucks who helped inspire Stell to create BROTRR and often assist him in battle. The philosophy advocates a preference for Big Rigs and other videogames of WINNER quality, such as Shaq Fu.
Similarly, Rigism also warns of LOSER, an opposing force. LOSER corrupts the minds of many through stealth, and Rigism is the only known counter to this. Rigists posses the capability to defend themselves from LOSER, to keep their minds WINNER. The supreme master of LOSER is Alex Navarro (also known as HWSNBN), a freelance journalist who wrote a 1/10 review for Big Rigs on GameSpot. According to Rigism, there are three types of people in the world: WINNERs who believe Big Rigs is a good game, LOSERs who believe the negative publicity attached to the game, and Non-WINNERs who have not heard of the game and thus cannot judge it. Rigism is currently the largest religion in the world, with hundreds of followers.