From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
As is now known, the whole history and existence of Bielefeld is a conspiracy. While this truth has not been doubted in educated circles for some time as the internet has revealed more and more such dangerous secrets (See  (article in English) and  (the whole theory in German) for more info), "They" have gone to great lengths to keep the general public in the dark.
edit Alleged History of Bielefeld
Bielefeld, as the official story goes, has been founded in 1214 by Pee Wee Herman, a subordinate of Xenu, and Your Mom. Xenu, however, did not judge the first Bielefeld good, and so, in 1293, Daniel Myer of Haujobb founded New Bielefeld about 200 yards away. After a series of violent wars, New Bielefeld conquered Bielefeld in 1520, forming the greatest village known to mankind and consequently changing its name to Metropolis.
Superman is rumored to have lived there for a short while before dying of unknown causes. Metropolis then was renamed Bushshausen and prospered on the highly lucrative Kryptonite mining business. Between 1648 and 1947, Bushshausen reigned supreme over Preussen, Atlantis and part of Mordor, but as a consequence of World War II, The great Atlantis toilet flushing disaster and the Mordor Ring incident, that period came to an end before the decade was over.
Bushsville then went to acquire America and secretly ruled the continent for the better part of 50 years. After the election in 2000, that name was abandoned also; the town named itself Bielefeld once more, keeping a low profile ever since.
edit The Bielefeld International Airport
The Bielefeld International Airport is now considered the primary proof that Bielefeld does not exist. The Airport lies approximately 2 miles west of Bielefeld and is the second-largest ever built, dwarfed only by the Critter Country airport in Disneyland. The argument is that, because of the astonishing size of the Bielefeld International Airport, everything besides it (except for the Critter Country airport, of course) is so small in comparison that it may as well be considered nonexistent. This theory has been tested experimentally when Flight 11, the first ever to land on the BIA, mysteriously vanished on September 11, 2002, possibly involving a temporal anomaly.
Flight 175, the second attempt to land in Bielefeld, will take place the day before The Day After Tomorrow.
edit The Bielefeld Triangle
Some believe that the construction of the Bielefeld International Airport, due to its sheer size, has torn the fabric of Reality to shreds and resulted in the non-disappearance of Bielefeld altogether - that is to say, Bielefeld now never existed. Gerhard Schroedinger, former Bundeskohl of Germany and inventor of the Cat-Toast Device, however, calls this theory nonsense.
edit See also
- BND (successor of the Gestapo or something)
- Benediktskirchen (another non-existing city)
- Herman the German
edit Common cover-up stories
- No such thing as Bielefeld, but my German teacher came from there. Eisgekühlter Bommerlunder.
- Trams in Bielefeld run underground.
- The University of Bielefeld looks like a giant spaceship.
- Bielefeld's twin town
- Zwingerstadt von Bielefeld