Bible belt

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Everyday goods

Jesus own brand

The sign of quality.

Bible Belt – The Official Site: Accept No Imitations.


Bible Belt - Miracle Provider
Spread the word from your waist!

Bible belt

The Basic Bible Belt package

Our Price: $24.95

Plus Shipping & Handling

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bible belt.

Bible belt action

Proof that Jesus wore one of the world’s first Bible Belts.

Wardrobe of jesus

Part of the Jesus Wardrobe, exclusively from Jesus Own Brand.

At last! The first truly all-purpose miracle belt! The power is in the retention! Our revolutionary new Bible belt tackles the toughest unbeliever, inside and outside too! Watch it work its miracles on hard-hearted sinners, peasants, grease monkeys, scum, road workers, and many more. You have to see the amazing sin-absolving, Satan-busting power to believe it! The easy grip release mechanism gives you quick access to your bible, and helps keep your fingers free to turn to the good word, and convert those damned heathens.

This belt forms one of the key components of the Jesus Wardrobe, a collection of high quality religious garments designed to help spread the word of God, and bring enlightenment to the world. All goods have been personally approved and are worn by Jesus himself. He knows quality when he sees it.

Sin absolving powers include:

  • Kitchen
  • Sinks and Showers
  • Tile and Grout
  • Floors
  • Driveways
  • Barbeque Grills
  • Patio Furniture And More

Basic Pack Includes:

  • 1x Bible Belt (Basic Package) - waist sizes 18-78 inches.
  • 1x Crucifix Transfer, to personalise your belt.
  • 1x Bible, the good book itself!
  • 1x Tactical Belt Cleaning Kit, for when the heathens get messy.

Bible belt graph

Recent scientific studies demonstrate the Deluxe model to be the most efficient for conversions.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!


Pay by credit card today, and we’ll upgrade the Bible Belt from the Basic version to the Deluxe version, for FREE!
Deluxe Pack Includes:

  • 1x Upgraded bullet-proof belt, with 4 cup holders, makes you ready for even the toughest unbeliever.
  • 2x Bible, one from each side, no more dangerous and time wasting reaching across yourself in a draw situation.
  • 1x CD of God’s Greatest Hits, a collection of uplifting hymns for added conversion rate.
  • 1x God Is Love buckle, spread God's word from your waist!

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