From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Bible Belt - Miracle Provider
Spread the word from your waist!
| Our Price: $24.95|
Plus Shipping & Handling
At last! The first truly all-purpose miracle belt! The power is in the retention! Our revolutionary new Bible belt tackles the toughest unbeliever, inside and outside too! Watch it work its miracles on hard-hearted sinners, peasants, grease monkeys, scum, road workers, and many more. You have to see the amazing sin-absolving, Satan-busting power to believe it! The easy grip release mechanism gives you quick access to your bible, and helps keep your fingers free to turn to the good word, and convert those damned heathens.
This belt forms one of the key components of the Jesus Wardrobe, a collection of high quality religious garments designed to help spread the word of God, and bring enlightenment to the world. All goods have been personally approved and are worn by Jesus himself. He knows quality when he sees it.
Sin absolving powers include:
- Sinks and Showers
- Tile and Grout
- Barbeque Grills
- Patio Furniture And More
Basic Pack Includes:
- 1x Bible Belt (Basic Package) - waist sizes 18-78 inches.
- 1x Crucifix Transfer, to personalise your belt.
- 1x Bible, the good book itself!
- 1x Tactical Belt Cleaning Kit, for when the heathens get messy.
Pay by credit card today, and we’ll upgrade the Bible Belt from the Basic version to the Deluxe version, for FREE!
Deluxe Pack Includes:
- 1x Upgraded bullet-proof belt, with 4 cup holders, makes you ready for even the toughest unbeliever.
- 2x Bible, one from each side, no more dangerous and time wasting reaching across yourself in a draw situation.
- 1x CD of God’s Greatest Hits, a collection of uplifting hymns for added conversion rate.
- 1x God Is Love buckle, spread God's word from your waist!