Berlin Wall
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“East Germany's Closed, due to, uh... Wolves. Yeah, that's it, wolves.”
“It's aboot time we built one of thoose ta' keep teh English oot!.”
~ A Scotsman
The Berlin Wall was originally constructed in 230BC by Berlin citizens lead by Hadrian whose architectural successes to that date were comprised of Stonehenge, Hadrian's Wall, and the first toilet. The monument was designed by Hadrian "to show those Chinese that they weren't the only ones who could build a kick ass wall thing", and thus to rouse the spirit and the patriotism in the German people. (in fact the Chinese wall is 1000 times longer, and even if the whole of Germany was built into a brick, it would still be 100 times shorter, when they discovered that, their morale dropped so much that it caused mass depression in Germany.
Contents |
[edit] Impact
The impact the Berlin wall on the German people was very great, mostly because they kept forgetting it was there and driving fast into it. A pragmatic way to distinguish between East and West was the so called banana compass - one had to put a banana on the wall, and the side which grew bite marks was the East. The wall also sparked trade disputes, because trucks carrying Bratwurst couldn't get through.
Used parts of the wall are in high demand with Druidic rituals involved with forcing artificial lunar solstices. It also caused all the Stegosauruses in the world to go extinct.
[edit] Pink Floyd Album
The virtually unknown band Pink Floyd produced a Heavy Metal concept album based on the subject of the Berlin Wall entitled simply: "The Wall". In it Pink Floyd member Roger Waters, not realising the Berlin Wall was constructed using cement, wrote and sung the band's (s)hit, but virtually ignored, single, "Another Brick in the Wall (Part 12 of 72)" about the 412th brick used in constructing the wall. This was revealed in a popular interview held last weekend in Fred's Shed.
“To be specific, we reckoned the 412th brick was the most important brick and therefore the one to sing about”
~ Roger Waters on Another brick in the wall.
[edit] Misconceptions
Many People believe that the Berlin wall was simply a separation between East and West Germany. Well, these people are missing part of the story. Occupied East Germany was always cloudy, with lightning storms, and had intense frightening music playing all the time, no matter what the weather or conditions anywhere else. Besides that, if a living creature of any sort were to cross from West to East, it would instantly be transformed into a powerful yet zombie-like blood thirsty creature, ready to spread disease and hate to anyone who entered East Germany. Many such creatures became "female" members of the East German Olympic Team. Incidentally if a living being were to cross back over to the Western side, free enterprise and corporations and the stink of oppressed proletariat would turn them inside out and cause them to bleed to death. It was all actually quite cool.
[edit] The Fall of the Berlin Wall
Near the end of October of 1989, your mother grew a penis and cock smacked the wall down and many fellow Germans (Aliens) had a nice juicy shit on the rubble and could be smelt as far as Norway. The whole world watched in horror...and the thought of a reunified Berlin and Germany? It's like to watch Nazi SS troops cross the Austrian border in 1938 all over again!
[edit] Andreas of Hønefoss and Eric the Moose
Andreas of Hønefoss, Norway was a worker at the Berlin wall. He and Eric the Moose helped make the wall. At the wall you can hunt animals and eat supper at 2'o'clock.
The people of Berlin gathered their tools and some beer and began to tear down the wall in order to build a wall of better quality in its place. However, after 2 hours, they got bored and decided to just blow it up. Then, they spent days and days drinking and celebrating. This lead to another noted characteristic of human males, they half-finished the job, became distracted by other projects and left it in a state of ruins. To this date many male Berliners still have rebuild Berlin Wall on their to do lists. The projected finish date is currently 2032.
The falling of the wall ended up having no long term results, other than the death of 13 Germans...oh, and the end to decades of Communist oppression.
