Berklee College of Music

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“SheeeeooooooZEEEeeeeeeeoooooWOOOOOOOWWWWRRRRRR...”

~ Reason 4.0 on Berklee College of Music

“The kids, they listen to the rap music. That gives them the brain damage. With the hippin and the hoppin and the bippin and the boppin, so they don't know what the jazz is all about! You see, jazz is like jello pudding. No, actually its more like Kodak film. No, actually jazz is like the New Coke. It'll be around forever. Heh heh heh.”

~ Bill Cosby on Berklee College of Music

“It's a pretty good school. I've met some smart kids there. I mean, it's no Cambodian banana University, but it's pretty good.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Berklee College of Music

“In Berklee College of Music, Cat jazzes you...”

~ Russian Reversal on Berklee College of Music

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Berklee College of Music.

John Mayer, in yet another apparent offense to good taste, sings his alma mater... I think... or else he is just whining unintelligibly, you can never tell.

Berklee College of Music (a joint venture of MySpace, Daddy's Junky Music, and American Idol) is a (pretty pretty) music institution whose purpose is to sell vaguely music-related products to unquestioning 'students', known as 'chuds', and is also known for its similarity in name to the University of California, Berkeley.

Contrary to what this article states, cats teach the majority of classes at Berklee.

While most classes at Berklee College of Music are taught by Elvis impersonators, the college is known for its diverse faculty of washed up ex-members of long defunct hair bands from the 1980s, and various guys in sunglasses who say 'cats' all the time.

A typical Berklee lecture may proceed as follows:

Student: "Teacher, teacher, why is the altered dominant chord moving to a tonic chord with a major triad?"

Teacher: "Ahh, shizzle I remember the time when I was playin' scales from outta mutha lovin' space and Dizzy 'G' mutha' lespie said 'Jazzhole', that's what he used to call me, 'Jazzhole, you got that shizzle down brotha down, I ain't givin' you no jive you know Imma feelin that mutha lovin' scale you be playin'. Is that some altered dominant shit? Yeah and then he says, 'and with the major mutha suckin' triad?' and at the time I didn't even play the saxophone, I was just humming it in my head and Dizzy could hear it all, like some kinda voodoo shit..."

Student: "Thank you. That makes it much clearer."