Belly dancing

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'''Belly dancing''' (''belyora insocumdancia'') is a horribly debilitating [[disease]] afflicting nearly 7% of the world's population. The disease causes a person to ruthlessly claw at their abdomen uncontrollably, breaking the skin and eventually tearing through the muscle tissue. The disease is referred to as belly dancing because once the abdominal muscles are breached the stomach flops out and begins writhing about and giving small hops when contacting a hard surface. The movement of the stomach is actually caused by stray nerve signals which are the product of the disease disintegrating the cerebral cortex.
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[[Image:Bear_Walking_On_Guy_copy.png|right|thumb|Poor Man]]
   
==Origin==
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{{Q|Next to ceilings, a belly is the best thing to dance on|Lionel Richie}}
   
The disease first appeared in [[Australia]] in 1982 when a strange meteorite that had struck the ground centuries before was unearthed by Chester C. Huxlem in the town of Dondortha. Huxlem immediately contracted the disease, but before dying had managed to spread it to 80% of the towns people. This is because the incubation period is several weeks and Mr. Huxlem, soon after unearthing the space debris, attempted to sell it door to door. Mr. Huxlem died in a Wendys restaurant in front of about 17 people. As onlookers watched on in horror as Huxlem's stomach hopped about on the floor a small child exclaimed "His belly's dancin'!".
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{{Q|Nice to tap-dance all over your belly. To tap-dance over your belly, nice|Bruce Forsyth, The StomacX Factor}}
   
==Prevention and Cure==
 
   
[[Image:Bellybelly.jpg|thumb|200px|left|In the final stage of the disease, lesions in the form of shiny beads start to appear. The patient here is dancing her way out of the cruel disease.]]
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'''Belly dancing'''<ref>Not to be confused with ''Bell End Dancing'' which is quite another thing.</ref> (''belyora insocumdancia'') is the art of placing a large [[woman|human]] or a [[bear|animal]] on the stomach of an inebriated [[twats|teenager]], and then performing a dance on it.
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==History==
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Belly dancing was created by the [[Somerset]]-born [[Swindon|Swedish]] philosopher '''Johann Dyke''' who, after repeatedly suffering stomach aches from drinking too much [[vodka]], trained a wild bear to dance on his Solar Plexus while forcing the animal to grunt the tune to Boz Scaggs' seminal 1978 classic ''Lido Shuffle''.
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Dyke, who had been told that a dancing bear on the stomach was a successful cure for stomach ache discovered that he was sadly misinformed. After several moments, Dyke was [[dead]] due to the immense weight of the bear crushing his internal organs.<ref>According to medical experts, bear stamping can swiftly turn internal organs into external ones.</ref> The bear, a Himalayan Brown called Lucky, then ate Dyke's body before being shot to death by [[Elmer Fudd|poachers]].
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From this tragedy began the popular parlour game of Belly dancing.
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The dancers, or 'Bellyrinas' as they came to be known by police, were formed originally from an underground movement, and would frequently meet at various tube stations on the Northern Line. Bellyrinas would wear the traditional costume of vest, stilleto shoes and ballerina's skimpy Desmond Tutus. Often, the female dancers would wear the same.
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==Bellyrinas At Large==
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Belly dancing achieved wider fame in spite of the series of shoe-fetish television and radio commercials from the [[1980s]] starring celebrity [[Conservative]] bellyrina [[Ann Widdecombe]]
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[[Image:Fattystats.JPG|thumb|A Bellyrina displaying her wider fame.]]
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==The StomacX Factor==
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Possibly the most obvious progession for any banal and vaguely interesting act is to base a Saturday night talent on it.<ref>But not too obvious for Uncyclopedia</ref> And this happened on minority terrestrial channel [[BBC|BBC 1]] in [[2000]]. '''The Stomacx Factor''' was presented by [[Bruce Forsyth|Sir Brucie Bonus]], ably assisted by the lovely [[David Dickinson]]. Unfortunately, owing to a shortage of celebrities willing to die for such low pay, the show was cancelled after only one series.
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{{q|On Saturday nights, we're coming on a belly near you!|
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strapline for The StomacX Factor}}
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Previous StomacX Factor dancers are:
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*[[Michelle McManus]]
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*[[Rick Waller]]
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*[[Johnny Vegas]]<ref>They're all large. We get it!</ref>
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==Feetnotes==
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<references/>
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There is unfortunately no known cure for belly dancing. Preventative methods are limited only to complete avoidance of infected persons. Because of the 100% mortality rate and extremely contagious nature of belly dancing, people who are infected are encouraged not to go to a hospital for help and to instead run into a nearby forest and lie down. Most modern hospitals are now equipped with snipers trained to take down any approaching people that show even the slightest signs of belly dancing. For this reason it is now highly dangerous to scratch your stomach near a hospital zone.
 
   
{{idea}}
 
[[Category:Diseases]]
 
 
[[Category:Dance]]
 
[[Category:Dance]]
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[[Category:Absurd]]
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[[Category:Failure]]
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[[Category:Sad]]

Latest revision as of 01:07, December 24, 2009

Bear Walking On Guy copy

Poor Man

“Next to ceilings, a belly is the best thing to dance on”
~ Lionel Richie
“Nice to tap-dance all over your belly. To tap-dance over your belly, nice”
~ Bruce Forsyth, The StomacX Factor


Belly dancing[1] (belyora insocumdancia) is the art of placing a large human or a animal on the stomach of an inebriated teenager, and then performing a dance on it.

edit History

Belly dancing was created by the Somerset-born Swedish philosopher Johann Dyke who, after repeatedly suffering stomach aches from drinking too much vodka, trained a wild bear to dance on his Solar Plexus while forcing the animal to grunt the tune to Boz Scaggs' seminal 1978 classic Lido Shuffle.

Dyke, who had been told that a dancing bear on the stomach was a successful cure for stomach ache discovered that he was sadly misinformed. After several moments, Dyke was dead due to the immense weight of the bear crushing his internal organs.[2] The bear, a Himalayan Brown called Lucky, then ate Dyke's body before being shot to death by poachers.

From this tragedy began the popular parlour game of Belly dancing.

The dancers, or 'Bellyrinas' as they came to be known by police, were formed originally from an underground movement, and would frequently meet at various tube stations on the Northern Line. Bellyrinas would wear the traditional costume of vest, stilleto shoes and ballerina's skimpy Desmond Tutus. Often, the female dancers would wear the same.

edit Bellyrinas At Large

Belly dancing achieved wider fame in spite of the series of shoe-fetish television and radio commercials from the 1980s starring celebrity Conservative bellyrina Ann Widdecombe

Fattystats

A Bellyrina displaying her wider fame.

edit The StomacX Factor

Possibly the most obvious progession for any banal and vaguely interesting act is to base a Saturday night talent on it.[3] And this happened on minority terrestrial channel BBC 1 in 2000. The Stomacx Factor was presented by Sir Brucie Bonus, ably assisted by the lovely David Dickinson. Unfortunately, owing to a shortage of celebrities willing to die for such low pay, the show was cancelled after only one series.


“On Saturday nights, we're coming on a belly near you!”
~ strapline for The StomacX Factor


Previous StomacX Factor dancers are:

edit Feetnotes

  1. Not to be confused with Bell End Dancing which is quite another thing.
  2. According to medical experts, bear stamping can swiftly turn internal organs into external ones.
  3. But not too obvious for Uncyclopedia
  4. They're all large. We get it!
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