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~ SPIKE, to all new users
“I personally constructed an arcade of thrusting and rotating dildo machines from old kitchen mixers and hammer drill motors. Normal vibrators simply cannot quench my anus's insatiable desire for powerful tool”
~ Mhaille on pleasure
~ Oscar Wilde
“I used to drive sharp things through my own penis just to see what it felt like. It was delightful, but then I ran out of iodine. I kept going, and that was a bad idea. The infections caused the left side of my dick to atrophy. Now it isnt straight anymore”
~ SPIKE on ironic statements
“Improv? Im great at improv. For instance I have found myself without sex toys on several occasions. Anything can work for stimulation as long as its firm enough. A pickle, a mayonnaise jar, even a bratwurst if you have one handy. A freshly peeled Spanish onion slides in with ease and gives a pleasant tingle on insertion. At one point last year the entire contents of my refrigerator had been inside my anus”
~ SPIKE on improvisation
“When I was a child I had no idea I would grow to be the gayest man in the world. My mother helped me to see the light. She would chain me to the radiator and beat me with implements. Wooden spoons, hairbrushes, shoe trees. Sometimes she used her own pendulous, shriveled teats. All the while she would force me to watch bootlegged videos of rich homosexuals having orgies. When I turned 13, I began to widen my anus with a series of graduated measures. Eventually I got it so big that I could insert an unlubricated hockey puck sideways without tearing. At that point, I knew that I was ready for the Gay Circus”
~ SPIKE on finding ones path
~ SPIKE, to all new users

Belgian ruin

general look of a Belgian city


Wankcity (Popular in new culture by meat loving people all over the world)


This little marginal city just next to Aalst is known for the corrupt police apparatus and mayor, who owns the nightlife by starting a shitty club called "de kuip", you can recognize carrot men by their unibrowns. Also look out for the graanmarket, the epicenter of marginality!


The most fearsome city of the world it it famous because of the dictator J. Vanslembrouck69 and his "movies", he is helped by his warriors (called The Psychopatics ), his coup of beernem is legendary


The beautiful city of Stalhille is famous because of its superior resident WYBO.

It's located not far from Jabbeke who lies in new new bruges.


Biggest city of whole Belgium. This is the place were the most bright & smart people live (sure it is). Belsele is best known for its skylane, which is made up of hundreds of huge skyscrapers and shopping complexes. It's also home to the most advanced research centers in western europe.

Paris Hilton got kicked out Belsele because she was stealing AGAIN !

Also hometown of the famous torrent site: The Pirate Bay, which has attracted a nice population of prostitutes and drunks.

If u want to, u can come watch to a show of "vincent van driese", it's called: "Look at me, i'm gay and wearing Pink clothes!"


Strange little place, located somewhere near the river schelde(have no idea where that is, do you know where?)

Ruled by the benevolent dictator: Gertjan Van Damme aka wargarurumon aka graaf tel tot tien aka just plain smarter than you( known to be the slayer of the 50 ft chicken/VB'er of Berlare, to be the best fuck the three armed prostitute of Haut-Katanga has ever had, to have won this guy's Nobel prize, and the only person in the world to have ever won from Marc Reynebeau in a staring contest).

Dendermonde is well known for its escape artists, a giant wooden horse that strangely isn't filled with Greeks and to be the current base of operations of the penguin army of doom.

The city/citadel/glorious kingdom/town/hol/whatever you want to call it, is at the moment in a fierce struggle with the city of aalst. A struggle which nobody except for a handful of bearded guys and drunk college boys care about, but sadly has cost the lives of many hippies, apple fanatics, a bunch of my little ponies and the last remaining nun in the city, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, eh eh I mean, how sad.

It all started in the year 70,48945² B.C. when eh, eeeeehhhhh, ehm eehh well ehm they started it.

P.S. well so can I


Town that attracts tourists by claiming it's coastal, while really it's just close to a river, called Chechenskoe More (usual abbreviation: 'tsètche") by its main Gastarbeiter contingent (Chechens who were lured there thinking it was the capital of judo and discotheque refurnishment). Traditionally, local elections are decided in a mud wrestling match between the best local basket ball player and the best local judo fighter. In 2006, the basket player (Johan Vande Lanotte) for the third consecutive time beat the judo fighter (Jean-Marie De Decker).

Varsenare City

Home of the wonder that is called Vandamme, Jan Vandamme. Varsenare is a typical idyllic city lying in the hart of Belgium: the polders. It's also one of the first settlements of mankind, dated back as far as 1984 AD. But the myth says that a group of homo erectus, who were very horny at the time, started a camp near the Gistelsestoneroad. Fortunately for them a group of lesbian erectus came from the other side and joined the herd. The homo's and lesbians mated which started an enormous growth of the population. Last counting reported over 6 citizens and still rising.

Empire bruges

the empire of evil

Brugge ( Bruges )

The Capital City, not only of West-Flanders, but also of the world. Brugge (or Bruges in English) recently restarted annexing neighbouring cities, including Assebroek (which literally translates into Asspants) , Dudzele, Koolkerke, Lissewege, Sint-Andries, Sint-Kruis, Sint-Michiels and is now looking for more Lebensraum, especially focusing East-Flanders. Bruges has no university, because the Belgian Government is afraid that a West-Flemish university could lead to West-Flemish independence and world supremacy. There is, however, a campus of KU Leuven in Kortrijk, but 90% of their students are West-Flemings in the age bracket [7-12] so no-one in West-Flanders takes that campus seriously. Because of this, thousands of young West-Flemish go to the University of Ghent. This has lead to tensions however, because West-Flemings are generally smarter than their East-Flemish counterparts. Some East-Flemings therefore founded the party "Nieuw-Gentse Alliantie", which wanted to expel all West-Flemings out of Ghent. However, they didn't had the intelligence to back up their movement and thus failed miserably. As a result West-Flemings still dominate the University of Ghent.


Home of the terrible socialistic dictator Freddyy WIlloXxx and his jumping (as in Dj Furax) followers. It is generally accepted that WIlloXxx is only a puppet and that the real dictator is wil|y lam0n, who's planning to opress the whole region by hitting his opponents with his stick.

In a nearby village there lives a creepy Dutch teacher too. He teaches all the kids DUTCH...

Sint-Niklaas is the home of SNC Punx. But what's most amazing about these citizens is that they really are all so cool... you can't believe it.

some quotes: "sinnekloas, hell yeah" "can we stay here?"

home to hooverphonic


Home of one of the world's most famous wingman, "chilly willy". And we ain't talking about wingman in the nerdy 'I can fly' kind of way, nono, we're talking about the .


This is probably the only city in the world where being bald ("KAAL") is an actual sport. Home of one of the oldest universities in Europe, the K.U.L. ("Kale Universiteit Leuven"). Famous citizens: Senator Lonsdale and Judge H. Ardcore, both known for their policy about foreigners. (Also known as drug abusers or "Die Ausländer".) With great places such as The colff, The Rock Café with earlier whole lotta rosie as bartender, and now a communist boy) and Johnnies (referring to mindless fools listening to hardcore music) call Leuven their true home.There's also a school called the Ring and it's full off hippies and dumb communists. I would like to kill them bunch of faggots. Thursday nights are of great importance to the inhabitants of Leuven, since it is the only time they have an opportunity to drink and get laid like hell. The university owes its greatness to the FAKBARS, where academics meet and play Fussball during exchange of ideas. Also, the term "Marginale Driehoek" (marginal triangle) originates from here, which says much about the populace of Leuvens' social skills and respect for their neighbours.


Also known as "oilsjt" for the local citizens. This city is mostly inhabitated by hairy monkeys who listen to Kettle Metal. Every year at carnival, they are taken to Leuven, to make sure they don't overpopulate. Aalst is exclusively inhabited by transvestites, men caught not wearing fishnet stockings and Basques are routinely lynched.


Village of the ice farmer. Village that hates Tienen. It was struck by an earthquake, making it the largest ghost town in Belgium. The mayor of this town is Piet Piraat.


This city recently made the world press announcing a 'devils pact' with Brugge. Seems like 'die Drang nach Osten' was simply to strong. Waffles? Under the brave leadership of Sir Maarten Tielt is trying to maintain and fortify its position as world leading economy in the production of dead socialists . Great and noble times are ahead of us my friend. You can also call it Matthiastown, named after the most incredible creator of that town. The only problem is that nobody believes him. But that doesn't bother him. The mayor of tielt, Mao Zhedong recently opened up the free market so Tielt can now start exporting dead socialists. Starting with Johan Vande Lanotte, he is believed to be worse than Stalin, Mao and Kim Jong Il together!


Home town of cone head Ben crabbé, the drummer of The Kreuners. It's a part of the 'Marginale driehoek'. It's for your own good to stay the hell out of Tienen. (Also known as the town of sugar.)


Is the hardest village to describe, this is the only town in the world where men are able to have children. They are usually dressed in clothes that are sent by third world countries in order to get rid of the poverty. It's also a part of the Marginale driehoek. (Yes.)


Homebase of "Lethal Bregt", also known as "Crimegt". One of the leading artists on the Hardjump Scene, he is known to be very stupid, which is because he listens to Jumpstyle and calls it something even more stupid and also because he calls himself lethal bregt, common who the fuck calls himself like that.


Sometimes spelled as "Loqeren". Home of "Jump Crew Lokeren".Basically a group of random people dancing around spasmic on techno.Jumping is for hyperactive disabled retards who try to fly. Ninety percent of all inhabitants are Muslims. Famous Citizens: Gabber Freddy.


English: "Antwerp". This harbor city was originally founded after someone cut off the founder's hand and threw it in the river. Currently the local citizens ("Führers") are at war with Morocco. In British English, "twerp" is a slang term meaning an idiot or fool. This might be a coincidence, though it's not bloody likely, is it? The only three remaining Whelks in the world live here. Mostly because they feel this is the only place left in the world where the people arn't completely retarded. They call all black people "makakken" which you can get killed for if you say it too loud in the wrong place.


Manneken Pis ( Peeing Boy ), period. Oh yes and some kind of Old Mountain, meh who cares? Also home of Croatian mob branches,the most famous being the Malfrovices, lead by the mighty Andriy Malfrovic. the school (KA Geraardsbergen) is also terrorised by disformed creatures claiming to be teachers, an example of this is HangWang De Jonge (in english: flappingcheeks The Young), in contradiction to her name she is believed to be well over 500 years old and tortures students by showing them used anticonseption devices. Please note that this is the most dangerous city in Belgium. "Marginalen" often get in fights with eachother, that means : lacostenikewearing tuningboys and retards calling eachother gay and saying "dikken a bakkes" (roughly translated : fat guy, keep your mouth shut!). They don't go to school, but if they do they're probably part of the KA. Their other hobbies are: smoking on the playground without getting noticed, beating up the cool kids and getting drunk before 10 am. Which is not that weird, coz Geraardsbergen is the city with the highest alcoholaddict-rate.

Kabouter plop

The mayor of Brussels (middle, down below) and some of his friends


This is the city where people decide whether or not you will be wearing red or purple underwear next year. It is the capital of the European Union. Brussels is also famous for its large red tape industry. It is also where the Commission européenne isn't based or as the locals call it, the Belgian. it has over 10,000 ppl put there.



Bornem is the booby-capital of the world. On November the 29th a booby-conference is held in the C.C., led by a guy named Homomanpiet( Booby-festivities include giant bras, confetti and boob-shaped pies, booooooring look if you want to see transvestites you can always go to aalst, apparently there are allot of them during carnaval.

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This article was mentioned in Humo (Belgium), further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here
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