Bee
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Bees are diminutive, yet sentient beings originating from upstate New York. Bee is also known for being the 2nd letter of the alphabet.
-NOTE: This group has been labeled as being a part of the nefarious "Axis of sting". Source: Stingrays Declare War
Bees often show up in Bunnyheads after which, for some unknown esoteric reason, "BEE IN BUNNY HEAD BEE IN BUNNYHEAD BEE IN BUNNYHEAD" must be sung, otherwise Avril Lavigne ceases to exist. (It's unclear why this needs to be prevented.)Can you believe some jackasses die from bees, yes it was a glorious day for scientists when they figured out how NOT to die from a bee "If you hear buzzing RUN THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!!!
An advocate of bees James Savage really enjoyed bees and most modern encyclopedic knowledge comes from this man who not only ate bees but also snorted them, rolled in them and generally had a good time with them.
[edit] Bee Culture
Little was known about bee culture untill 1985, when the policies of the 159th royal Queen of Bees abolished their previously closed-door policy, to star in the American-produced drama series The Golden Girls, which depicted the hard lives of impoverished and socially repressed bee workers, who spent their entire lives producing precious golden honey. The comic relief was provided by that hairy mutant bee-boy thing from the Honeycomb breakfast cereal commercials, in his first televised role. The first merging of bee culture with mainstream American popular culture occurred in Post-WWII America, when the American soldiers returning from war brought back elements of the European Bees' bohemian lifestyle. Characterized by their lame poetry and goatees, which were intended to represent the bees' stingers, these Bee-tnicks, as they were called, remain a popular image associated with the 1940s. The '80s saw the rise of the tribal bee art form known as breakdancing. Practitioners in this form of dance are known as Bee-Boys. The growing popularity of breakdancing and its close association with hip-hop music introduced many bees to rap music. As bees embraced the art form, the created their own subgenre, referred to as Gangster Rap, after the tendency of hives to stay in groups, which many mistook to be gangs. Gangster rappers, or Bee-G's, can be characterized by their lyrics, which often flaunt material possessions, such as honey and pollen, and objectify women. Today, many bees have become assimilated into the rest of the American populace, but there is an obvious double social standard, as it is not uncommon for bees to experience discrimination. There have been several movements to bring attention to Bee Civil Rights, the most recent being Bee Movie, starring Jerry Sienfeld. (See Famous Bee Wars)
[edit] Capsaicin
Bees are known to contain a potent dose of capsaicin in their body during their life span. This dose of capsaicin makes them really fucking spicy. Like hot wings and shit, but even more painful. You'll need some cool ranch, a fucking pitcher of water, and some liquid nitrogen at the ready if you wanna eat these motherfuckers. However, recent studies have shown that only male bees contain Capsaicin. Female bees contain Doritos Cool Ranch powder, making them much more sexy.
[edit] Relations to Honey
Honey, which is seen in the Bee community as "Fucking delicious" plays a strong role in the life of a Bee. Bee's live off honey, which is produced by the African Honey Bear. Ironically, the African Honey Bear, is their natural predator. Without honey, bee's dry up, and form a stale, hard product, which can be harvested and crushed to produce the confectionery known as Nachos. Bees fed on Twiglets produce Marmite.
[edit] The Sexing of Bees
Over the eons of hominid existence, many prominent scientists, such as Nikola Tesla and Avril Lavigne, have struggled with the eternal conundrum of the sexing of bees. However, the bees themselves have had no problem sexing one another, although for the Flaming Bee or 'Kindle Bee' of Kamchatka reproduction is quite an uncomfortable process.
It has however been discovered that the music of techno band thewomb can help with the sexing of - and around - bees, wasps and general types of goldfish. It isn't, however, thought to work on human beings.
[edit] Spelling Bees
The simple answer is B-E-E-S, although many people fail to appreciate just how common dyslexia is amongst bees. Recent studies suggest that more than 100% of bees have trouble spelling simple words like PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS.
[edit] Famous Bee Wars
After losing his Voot Cruiser to a radical suicide bee, Bizarro Zim declared a fusion powered war against "The Bee". It is unclear to most which planet he destroyed in his madness, but most people think it is the reason Pluto is no longer recognized by NASAPlace as a legitimate planet. And you shouldn't fuck with bees, because they'll sting you all at once and kill you.
The Bee community has long been in conflict with Alan Driscoll, lead singer of techno band thewomb, who started a long-running feud when he publicly disowned all bees.
Most recently, a 2007 biopic starring Jerry Seinfeld as former bee-civil-rights activist Barry "Bee" Benson entitled "Bee Movie" was released, grossing a record-breaking million-zillion dollars on its opening night. The film chronicled the true life events of the Central Park Bee Protests of 1996, and the series of ruthless "Benson v. 'the People'" lawsuits that followed, in which Barry won back over 90% of the honey distributed worldwide, inadvertently leaving millions of bees unemployed and indirectly causing the revival of the bee community's socialist movement. The film's release, only weeks before Benson's death, met unanimously positive reviews from the critics. Upon seeing the completed film, Benson recalled that the catchphrase "black and yella get behind a fella" was totally gay and regretted its inclusion in the film.
When the great battle of Arse Sticks started, the Bees prime directive was to protect: Bees were forced to guard the jewels of the Jews. It was around this time, November, when bees naturally declared War on Ragman and other Rag producing sprites alike. A special Gun was constructed and given to both Bees and Ragman, so sayeth Balthazar, to make things more interesting. When questioned on this matter the Bee collective refused to comment but admitted sed weapon was too heavy.
In more modern times, bees have been trained by the military and equip with the latest in nano-weapons to fight in human wars. For more information, see Black Ops Bee.
[edit] History of Bee related phrases
In Victorian times, a prominent political hive was ruled by a queen known as Helen Clark, who denoted many key phrases to modern day society. Here is some of her most well known phrases:
- "Queen Bee" was doned upon civilisation when she proclaimed herself Queen of all queens, and said all other queens were just transgender male bees.
- "Bee in your bonnet" Bonnet was an early name for those large poofy victorian dresses, and males had much fun going under said queens skirt. They only ever did it once though as she got extremely annoyed and chopped off the male bee's (pollen) sacks, thus the phrase was coined for angry people.
- "Bees Knees" when the queen died in a freak accident involving a giant knife attached to string with a spring loosing when the queens office door was open, it cut her body clean away from her legs. When she was found the "wind" had blown her body through the window leaving only her legs standing in the doorway. Now the phrase is used to show if someone has intentions to accidently kill someone.
[edit] Albert Einstein's Relationship With Bees
Albert Einstein once said that if bees disappeared, human civilization would last about 4 years. This is because of bees' central role in conservative politics. Now the bees are disappearing around the world. It's called Colony Collapse Disorder. It could be mites, a fungus, cell phone signals, global warming, pollution, honey bee rapture or any number of combinations of these things - but basically, the food-gathering workers leave the hive never to come back (3 day ecstacy binges in ibiza have their toll on the working class). The drones don't actually find food, they just lie around the hive smoking cigars and tell the ladies where to go look for it....and they get so pissed off with those couch bees that they say, to hell with it...we're going to the Riviera with a couple of bumble bees we know. This is not funny, and this is true., well. sort of. Hope you know how to hunt.
...Albert Einstein didn't know shit about bees.
[edit] Western honey bee subspecies and breeds · Buckfast bee · Carniolan honey bee · Italian bee · Africanized bee ·
[edit] Buckfast
The subspecies known as Buckfast (or Gregorian bee) is known in bee keeping circles as a gentle, well tempered bee, it has all the traits best suited for a novice beekeeper but they are least productive on sundays as most of the colony tend to leave the hive for a few hours just before midday before returning back to the hive for a large meal and often leave the hive again later in the afternoon. On a warm day whilst out collecting pollen it will visit hundreds of flowers and with the aid of a powerful microphone they can be heard chanting. The otherwise known Gregorian bee can offer balm for the soul, a pleasent spread for your toast and if you listen hard enough, you may even hear a hint of the divine.
[edit] Carniolan
The subspecies known as Carniolan originates from Slovenia, but can now be found also in Austria, part of Hungary, Romania, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and Serbia. Although recently large numbers have been seen in all parts of Europe. They are mostly gentle and some may say hard working but the end product is nearly always some what lacking in its quality. The honey is left uncapped and its water content is still well above the recommended levels. They are well known in recent years to swarm and decend in large numbers any where they deem is suitable. The local area within days but mostly hours is often stripped bare and left in a sorry state, so a colony should never be sited without due care and would benefit with a surrounding screen of suitable material to protect the local wildlife. In recent years its been noted that if a swarm lands too close to another colony it can often lead to the orginal colony absconding and the Carnilon swarm will move in.
Removal of such a colony is often expensive and with take specialist assistance this will take more time and money than most other colonies and it may be difficult to achieve without another site being made available first.
[edit] Italian
The subspecies known as Italian bees, having been conditioned to the warmer climate of the central Mediterranean, are less able to cope with the "hard" winters and cool, wet springs of more northern latitudes. They do not form such tight winter clusters as other species for feer of being branded with a non PC label like lesbian. As a result more food has to be consumed to compensate for the greater heat loss from the loose clusters and ideally they need to be kept well away from other colonies for two principle reasons. 1. The swarming factor outside the hive when ever a reasonable food source is found. 2. When ever a small number gather they will generate a unrythmic hum which lasts until the early hours. The drones (males) are well known in bee keeping circles to preen themselves endlessly and anytime they are within direct sight of any female they will caress and cup themselves.
[edit] Africanized bee
The subspecies known as the African bee is not really suitable for a novice bee keeper as the young are deemed bad tempered and often prone to adpote a very defensive behaviour very quickly which can lead to stinging. Although smoke can be used to calm all bees some more than others the African bee and its cousin the Caribbean bee or Marley bee are well known to respond very quickly to smoke and will become very calm and gentle in this state they will not be productive at all. Most colonies tend to work well as long as the sun is shining and the nectar is in full flow. Sadly over the centuries this species has been the victim and is often the first to be blamed for most problems within any apairy by many beekeepers after being transported thousands of miles but thankfully this practice has been stopped. As the bee matures they lose much of their defensive behaviour and are hard working and will work well beyond most other types despite the weather conditions.
