Beer's Law

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Beer's Law is the strange phenomenon which occurs after drinking far too much beer, or any other alcoholic beverage. In stark contrast to Sods law, Beer's Law, like a pocket bouncer, protects you from dangers and makes everything all right when you're so drunk you have trouble seeing. Infact some studies show that once a person has had enough beer that their eyesight goes they rely on SONAR to position themselves. The Beer sonar is so powerfully strong that it can be detected from a small simple gargle.

"Who needs beer - I can do backflips forward..."

~ I am Chuck Norris on Beer's Law

[edit] It's all ok, dude!

One of the most common traits of Beer's Law is the ability to successfully navigate the endless maze of streets and back alleys that lead to your house, not only will you be able to find an interesting and usually ridiculously long path back home, you'll also walk past some very appealing signs that are just asking to be stolen. This beer radar, or "BEERDAR", is so ingrained into the human mind some see it as an evolutionary advantage.

Not only does Beer's Law allow for navigation when you have trouble walking in a straight line, Beer's Law also has the amazing ability of being able to track down all of your friends for you when they piss off for some reason.

[edit] Make new friends!

Other people under the shining beacon of Beer's Law instantly become more appealing, not only can you approach even the most rabid Hobo types, somehow you feel like you've been friends forever. It's as if you can connect on a spiritual level, so long as the spirit is rum.

[edit] It comes at a price

All this comes at a price though. The main drawback of Beer's Law is the insatiable urge for greasy Kebab it causes, though depending on personal taste this could also be replaced with Hobnobs or less commonly Petit Filous from the back of Somerfield.

[edit] Courage Beers

The entire phenomena is tightly attached to the idea of Courage Beers. When a particularly challenging mission needs to take place (either for free entry into a venue resulting in increased beer, or that wheelbarrow you think would make a great go-cart and "trophy yoink"), one may feel the need to quickly demolish several beers in order to get the effects of increased Dutch Courage and apparent stealthiness.

One should be aware however that Courage Beers' are not always recommended - If you're stopped by the police with a stash of traffic cones in hand with no chance of escape knocking back a can of Turbo Special Brew is not advised.

[edit] The Kebab Paradox

Another Beer's Law related incident, the kebab paradox is the situation an individual finds himself in when he must choose between a handful of greasy meat or another beer. Usually the circumstances are as follows. A fellow has £5, with which to buy an 8 pack of cheap lager. He drinks it and finds himself in need of a kebab. Without the cash, he fails and goes hungry, losing valuable strength points and HP. The reverse is that he chooses to buy a kebab first, eating it and gaining a +12 strength advantage and fully restoring his/her health. However, due to lack of ale, he/she loses the valuable Intelligence and Dexterity bonuses.

All is not lost however, for another individual under the influence of Beer's Law can alleviate the Paradox with the ancient greeting "Eyyyy, what's your fucking name mate...*hic* I fucking love you man, here, look, get us a couple of kebabs yeah? Fuck yeah, I love you maaaaaan" and then handing over a tenner.

The paradox comes from the idea that nobody in their right minds would ever buy a kebab sober. I mean come on, that's just fucking wrong.

For some un-known reason, mankind is always able to find a Kebab shop between "sssee youz l..ll..laterrr.rr" and "hunny i'm home?"

[edit] Beer Bouncebackability

It has been known that if a group of people are to get drunk together then each one will be practically invincible due to the universe bending itself around said drunks. Where as one could fall over on a pavement while sober and knock themselves out on it, a drunk will simply land on their back and get back up without much damage being attained, albeit with much staggering. Yet one sober person in a group of spiritually enhanced drunks will break the link of universe and man, thus negating the invulnerability upon said drunks. There is much debate to whether this is true or it being plain luck amongst scientists today, yet the plain luck theory has been dismissed as "boring".