From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

No, not THAT Beano!!!

“This guy behind me touches giraffes!”
“MUM!!! Where's my lube?!”
~ Dennis' dad
“What in the name of Lucifer?!”
~ Dennis' mum

The Beano is a British left-wing parody comic which began in 1938 and stars Brian Cowen as BIFFO the Bear, Goku as Dennis the Menace and Tom and Jerry as Meebo and Zuky, with Jerry wearing a dog costume, and so on. It is set in Beanotown, which is based on the ideal Communist haven. Ever since the current editor, Rolf Harris, took over the comic graphic images of the child characters have been allowed. For some retarded reason some dietary supplement also used the Beano name causing unsolved confusion to this day.


...THIS Beano!!!

It's main character is Dennis the Menace who infamously was influenced by Jimmy Savile to become a sex offender and was rumoured to have slept over with hundreds of Eastern European immigrants. His dog Gnasher is secretly a werewolf. Its other characters, such as Roger the Dodger who is often used as a checkers table and Minnie the Minx who is Beanotown's first Playboy model, have been snubbed by David Cameron for being too Pro-Choice. Most, if not all, of its cartoon characters have stayed being their respective ages since the Beano universe began.

Beanotown, the comic's setting, became the capital city of the United Kingdom of Dennis and Gnasher in 2001 to celebrate Dennis' 50th anniversary.

edit History

The city of Beanotown was founded by D.C. Thomson in 1938 in order to win a bet with Desperate Dan over who could found a town first. He became an instant millionaire and created many infamous characters in the process.

edit Characters

edit Dennis "the Menace"


He rips holes in the beautiful fabric of Communist society.

Main article: Dennis the Menace

edit Roger the Dodger

Roger 'The Daltrey' Dodger was born in London D.C. in the United Kingdom of America on the same day Keith Chegwin had his first orgasm.

He is the coked-up conman in Beanotown who performs dodgy doings for the sole purpose to escape brutal punishment. None more so than when he once covered his entire room in feces to hide from Dad and avoid bath night. Whenever Roger is forced to do community service at the local nursing home, the senile old folks often use him as a checkers board.

Roger is wanted by the Metropolitan Police for dodging taxes (as his name suggests) and for turning David Cameron's tie into a watermelon.

edit Minnie the Minx

Minnie the Hillman-Minx was born wearing her beret so has only ever taken it off five times in her short existence. She became the first female character to gain public attention when she caught Hugh Hefner's eye one Smarch evening and was signed up as a Playboy model, much to the jealousy of the Beanotown residents.

edit The Bash Street Yobs

A rowdy bunch of children who regularly masturbate on their desks whenever they're bored. If all else fails, they cause a riot. The leader of the gang, Danny Deathbed Morgan, is a pirate-in-training ... an internet pirate that is. The other kids include;

  • Fatty: the morbidly obese kid
  • Plug: was born with the facial disfigurement passed on by his family
  • Sid & Toots: Siamese twins separated at birth
  • Wilfred: the human tortoise
  • Smiffy: the dumb, retarded kid who uses his penis as a fully-cooked sausage
  • 'Erbert: the human mole
  • Spotty: completely covered with infectious boils
  • Cuthbert: Walter the Softy's gay partner

edit Gnasher

Gnasher is Dennis the Menace's untrained Abyssinian wire-haired tripe hound. Born as one of Snoopy's children he is responsible for the outbreak of rabies (aka That Foamy-Mouth Disease), which as a result led him to be handed over to Dennis in 1968 during which Peppermint Patty became the most popular girl in Peanut Town.

Gnasher's son Gnipper was born with a tooth shaped like the tallest building in England.

edit Jimmy Savile

Infamously made a cameo in a 1984 Beano where he sexually molested Dennis the Menace. He also starred in a banned Dennis the Menace and Gnasher episode called Walter Fondles Sarah Palin & Votes For McCain along with Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall where he 'met' Dennis in the toilets.

edit Ivy the Terrible

Tipsy four-year-old toddler with ADHD who is known for her drunken slurs about Elton John's homosexuality. Is also infamous for wearing a similar outfit to Stewie Griffin, another diabolical infant, which leads people to think she's a genderbent version of Stewie. However, she spends most of her time with Dennis the Menace's evil naughty baby sister Bea Arthur.

edit Bea Arthur


'Princess' Beatrice the Mini Menace is Dennis the Menace's little sister and shits in her nappy over 9000 times a day. She has also had an affair with Prince George. She is actually Bea Arthur in disguise.

edit Walter the Scotty

Dennis the Menace's arch-enemy who, being Scottish, adorns unusually coloured kilts smeared with chloroform, causing everyone who encounters him to suddenly faint. Walter's voice box is that of a whiny little girl's, he combs his hair the wrong way, is compared to Pinocchio because of his long nose and wears socks on his hands. He is really Gordon Brown in disguise.

He is best friends with fellow Scot David Tennant.

edit Pansy Potter

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Beano.

The supposed 'strongman's daughter', Pansy is actually Harry Potter's half-sister despite not knowing him, is a Muggle and eats spinach covered in motor oil and mint sauce, but what really ticks people off is that Pansy really takes performance-enhancing drugs to maintain her super-strength. She's so addicted that she once punched a koala in the mouth on a holiday to Australia and headbutted a kangaroo 50,000 feet into the sky. She also hospitalised Nelson Mandela and 199 others after destroying Mandela's presidential limo in South Africa. Pansy won the Beanotown Weightlifting Championships every year from 1938 to 1959 before her drug habits were exposed.

Pansy died suddenly after her strip was discontinued, but came back from the dead.

edit Places

edit Bash Street School

The oldest building in Beanotown, it was to become a sex shop before the staff objected and thus it remains a school to this very day.

Rumour has it that due to its age, the school is haunted by the ghost of founder Sir Bertrand B. Bash VI, who lives inside the gymnasium and comes out only at night. One time, the school was to be grade listed until his spirit returned.

edit Beanotown Rapist Prison

This was a large complex in central Beanotown, housing some of the most dangerous rapists known to comickind.

Until issue 65, the Prison was one of the most prominent locations in town.

In issue 34, Dennis the Menace was sent to this prison under accusation of the raping Lord Snooty. He was later released after the culprit was revealed to be Jimmy Savile.

In issue 69, Billy Mays as the voice of Adolf Hitler who has two buckets full of rose pedals and sweet smelling water were shipped to the prison after raping them in Beanotown.

In issue 543, Roger the Dodger was sent here after dodging his way into his set of music.

In issue 393, Dennis was once again sent to prison. This time he really did the rap of Lord Snooty.

Is in issue 65, all of the rapists broke out of the prison and went on a rap for the spree. They were stopped by Jeremy Clarkson. Before they could go back to prison however, Miranda Hart arrived in town and accidentally burned down the prison. The rapists ran free and rap a little tune singed to all of the Dandy characters.

Personal tools