Beaked through the head

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Getting beaked through the head remains the #1 cause of death worldwide.

“Getting Beaked through the head is no laughing matter. What's wrong with you? Stop laughing! It's not funny!”
~ Oscar Wilde

“That's about as much fun as being beaked through the head”
~ Common expression

edit Beaked Through The Head And The Human Condition


Stick Figure with GBTTH

Since time immemorial, there have been 3 distinct fears that are present throughout the human condition:

  1. Being psychologically isolated.
  2. Not having a comfortable home with available food supplies.
  3. Getting beaked through the head.

Certainly the most relevant of the three fears, the possibility of being beaked through the head has been a fact of life for human beings ever since our creation by God a few thousand years ago. Among causes of death, it still rates #1, followed by old age and accidental death. Though numerous strategies have been created to keep the average person safe it is still largely responsible for keeping the human race's population in check.

edit Safety Tips

  1. Keep an eye out for moas at all times.
  2. Wear a helmet, or some other kind of protective head gear.
  3. Don't piss off birds.

edit Philosophical Views On GBTTH And The Human Condition

The human condition encompasses the totality of the experience of being human and living human lives. As mortal entities, there are a series of biologically determined events which are common to most human lives, and some which are inevitable for all, the foremost of which is Getting Beaked Through The Head. The ongoing way in which humans react to or cope with these events is the human condition, excluding the of the total death caused by GBTTH. However, understanding the precise nature and scope of what exactly happens when one is Beaked Through The Head is in itself a philosophical problem.

The human imagination has no physical boundaries, but our bodies do. In our minds, we can instantly travel to the ends of the universe, the center of the earth, even the center of the sun. We can use our mental microscope to visualize germs, viruses, atoms, quarks. However, a certain philosophical problem arises when we are beaked through the head (and therefore the mind); is death caused by one being beaked through our head in the physical sense, or is death the direct product of the mind's belief in being beaked through the head?

This paradox presents universal, inescapable questions about life. Whenever any people lift their thoughts from daily routines, they may ponder this question. Attempts to explain or resolve this paradox are the domain of religion and philosophy. One might argue that Getting Beaked Through The Head is, in the background, the central subject of all literature, drama and art.


An unfortunate swimmer is violently beaked through the head by a Britainy Spear.

edit See Also:

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