Bavaria

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Bayern
The land of everflowing beer or Oktoberfest
a place that isn't Germany
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Crapulam terribiliem habeo: Þynnkan skelfileg er." (Latin: "The hangover is terrible.")
Anthem: "In Weißbier we trust"
Capital Toytown (also known as Munich).
Largest city Garmischpartenkirchen
Official languages English with a German accent, something else utterly incomprehensible.
Government Christian Democrats 1945 to 1998 Apres-Ski party 1998 to present
 Wizard  Barbara Streisand
National Hero(es) Heidi Von Klummelberger, DJ Ötzi, Jesus, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbara Streisand and Milli Vanilli.
Declaration
of Independence 		 December 21st 2011 at 5 past 1 in the afternoon
Currency Brezn(pretzels) and beer.
Religion beer Feminism, Spoon-satanism, Fork-godism
 Major exports beer, Barbara Streisand
 Major imports Americans, theBritish, Prussian people
 Opening hours Monday–Saturday from 06:00-23:59, Friday is "one night stand" night

“"I live in a giant beer glass," said the young boy”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bavaria

“The Rebel base must be here”

~ Darth Vader on Bavaria

“They sure like beer here!”

~ Captain Obvious

“What's beer?!”

~ Captain Oblivious

“Can I have some money daddy? I'm just buying a Bavaria”

~ Paris Hilton

Bavaria (known as Bayern) is a country to the South of Germany. The name Bayern is thought to come from 'FC Bayern' although the origins remain elusive. Bavaria is best known for things such as Purity, Beer, and Laws, and is also home to Gingerbread, Austria, and Barbara Streisand.

Contents

[edit] History

Chieftain Heidi Von Klummelberger with her War Armour, ruled Bavarian tribes with an iron fist

Traces of Germanic settlers date back to the end of the last Ice Age, around the time where the Great Beer Glaciers began to melt. The advance of the Romans was halted in 9 AD by the Bavarian tribes under the ruthless Chieftain Heidi Von Klummelberger at the battle of Gefühltestreusselschnecke in modern-day Wisconsin. Bavaria passed from ruler to ruler after the collapse of the Holy Roman Empire, the most prolific of which was Emperor von Dachshund, a short-legged, elongated individual from the Hund family. Bavaria was not politically unified until the 1870s, at which point it was ruled by Chancellor Wolfgang Petry. The Bavarian sub-region of Europe was accused of separatism in 1914-1918 and 1939-1945 and was subsequently handily defeated in both Wars. Modern Bavaria is characterized by rampant progress and catastrophically low inefficiency levels.

[edit] Culture

Local women are very friendly to tourists and other vistors.

Cultures of the region have been classified as primarily 'Hunting-Drinking' societies, although some scholars prefer to classify them as a 'Yodelling-Marching' society. Bavarians are regarded as proud, and they do not hesitate to impose their culture on you, a testament to their extreme generosity and concern for the well-being of others. The concept of 'Gemütlichkeit' (hospitality) is endemic to the part of the world, although in recent years has been emulated elsewhere, with little success. Homoeroticism is vigorously encouraged in all regions.

[edit] Biological and Ethnological Classification

Biologically speaking the Bavarians are classified as Homo Bavaricus, and inhabit the upper echelon of the food chain. Their only natural predators are Volpertingers, Pterodactyls and Fear itself. Bavarians have been known to clash with a similar species, Homo Teutonicus (Prussians), often leading to brief periods of world domination and genetic purity. Bavarians are best distinguished by their ability to yodel and consume copious amounts of pretzels, whereas Prussians are known for being able to screw in lightbulbs using five people instead of one. Much like Prussians, their diets consist mainly of cannonballs, steel, fermented vegetables, Jägermeister and the weak.

[edit] Major regions in Bavaria

The former region of Gingerbreadhüttenstadt until it was destroyed by two greedy Hessians.

There are three major regions in Bavaria. These are Mallorca, Oberammergau and Unterammergau. Historically, a fourth region existed (Gingerbreadhüttenstadt) until it was consumed by Hessian children who became lost and hungry. Bavarians pride themselves greatly for their heritage; they often dress in traditional fetish gear known as Trachten, which dates back to the first Lederspankenfest in 1020 AD, in the Alpine town of Futzen. Bavaria is home to a diverse geography. The North is characterized by absolutely nothing, whereas the South lays claim to the Gumdrop Forest, the Himalayas, and Lake Nicaragua.


Bavarians dressed in traditional fetish wear Trachten at the bi-weekly Lederspankenfest

[edit] Politics

Politics in Bavaria is dominated by two leading parties, the Christian Democrats and the Apres-ski Party. Tensions between both parties remain high and are a source of much debate among Bavarian wizards and brewmeisters.

[edit] Tourism

Tourism is a major industry in Bavaria. Millions of tourists flock to Bavaria every year to see Castle Neuschwanstein, the Himalayas, the Oktoberfest and the Berlin Wall. Bavaria is also home to the Naked Olympics, Naked Special Olympics and Naked World Domination events. Bavarians are some of the world's most avid tourists, making frequent excursions into Poland, France, Russia, Eastern Europe.

Bavarian restaurants are noted for their authenticity and repetitive traditions, especially those done to accordion music. Such traditions recognise the regional traits of Bavaria. Commonly mentioned traits include: not being in Venezuela, mountains that stick out of the ground, trees made of wood, and sheep that "seldom wear spectacles". Because of this, some speculate that Bavaria is the birthplace of Captain Obvious, but they are clearly mistaken.

Many foreigners inhabit Bavaria, most of them Turks and Chinese, whose recent political situation have led to instability on the German-Chinese border and civil unrest in major Bavarian cities.

[edit] Notable Citizens

Important Bavarians include Heidi Von Klummelberger, DJ Ötzi, Jesus, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbara Streisand and Milli Vanilli.

[edit] See also

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