Battle of Jieqiao
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Yuan Shao, even though you are not responsible for Gongsun Yue's death, you are responsible for Gongsun Yue's death!”
“Come at me bro.”
|Battle of Jieqiao|
|Yuan Shao||Gongsun Zan|
|Commanders and leaders|
|Yuan Shao||Gongsun Zan|
The Battle of Jieqiao or the Battle On A Bridge Called Jie was a military mass mutiny that took place in the year 191 CE. Combatants were Gongsun Zan (AKA Gongsun Zazz) and Yuan Shao. Though fighting alongside each other during the Battle of Hulao Pass, these cool cats stood on opposite ends of the battlefield.
The Battle was the first of many nonstop fights of the
"Family Feud" rivalry between the Gongsun family and the Yuan family. The families competed for not cash money but rather control of Gee and and Ching provinces somewhere in the massive country of China. All notable information about these provinces is that the two are located northeast, close to the Vietnamese.
Around Christmas of 191, following a fashionable blow against the Yellow Turban leftovers, Gongsun Zan became bored of the lack of war (coming off from the Battle against the Dong a few months before) and decided to use the death of his brethren Gongsun Yue (given name pronounced "You-ee") as a crutch to declare war on the nobleman Yuan Shao. When Yuan Shao wasn't looking, Gongsun Zan stole multiple cities from under Yuan's nose and declared war against him. Yuan Shao, becoming angry and offended, decided to raise an army to ultimately destroy the Gongsun and exterminate their clan. Since Yuan Shao would need to lead because he is just so picky about how things are done, he gave the control of Bohai in the hands of Gongsun Zan's distant cousin Gongsun Fan. Since Yuan Shao had Gongsun Fan as an associate and often picked on his name, Gongsun Fan gave up the control to Gongsun Zan. Yuan Shao would be humiliated for months to follow.
edit The battle
Soon Yuan Shao himself came with his men towards Jie bridge, hoping to get a piece of Gongsun Zan's ass. (which was out theeere oon the otheerrr sidddee!)
Gongsun Zan's troop amount was exposed, stating that an impressive 40,000 troops followed him. (They were currently planning on how to get single file to cross the bridge) Yuan Shao however took the advantage and attacked the enemy. Gongsun Zan tried to get back at Yuan, but it was too late and he already looked stupider than when he fought at Hulao.
The aftermath of the battle was that more battles would follow. It wasn't a One-time stand. Even though this battle seems unimportant, many historians just consider it important because they find it funny that Gongsun Zan came off strong for a change and ultimately ended up a failure again.
edit See also