Battle of Canada
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The Battle of Canada was a world altering battle held in the 60s. Back then, Canada was a hippie-infested Pot-fest due to the pointless wars America was waging on foreign unknown countries half way around the world at the time.
In the beginning
The war was started when Canadian penis hippies on vacation in then peaceful nation of Iraq kidnapped Saddam Hussein because they did not like his hair style (which was kept short at the time and looked like pubes), and took it as offensive (because they keep their hair long enough to the point that it is dirty and smelly enough to be home to pubic crabs). Saddam Hussein was smuggled in a cardboard box to Canada where he was tried of being an offense to Canada and sentenced to be an Old Person Escort at the Retirement Home for Groovy Hippies in Toronto, Hippieland (later known as the William Shatner Retirement Home in Toronto, Ontario).
Some crazy guy steals pies from the bakery and is blown up with a grenade
Saddam Hussein, not wanting to spend his life escorting old people fought back by calling a airstrike with his handly walkie-talkie that he had hidden in his pocket. Unfortunately, because of the enormous amount of time he spent watching out for Grues rather than develop Iraq past the stone age, the air strike came about fifty years after the war, when a caveman walked up to Steven Harper and threw a rock at him.
Hippies declare war on Iraq
This is basically the part where Canada invents the time machine powered by a hamster on a wheel and sees into the future an sees Steven Harper getting pegged in the nuts with a large rock and declares war on Iraq. Canada then sends hippies into iraq where they begin to do genocidal things comparable to the Halocaust such as the gassing of cavemen by Pot Smoke, killing cavemen with extremely crappy music, and some other crap that is too terrible to mention.
Enter the stick
Saddam Hussein, realizing that he could not win the war because of how crappy his country was at the time decided to hire mercenaries. Because Chuck Norris was not available at the time (he was helping the Americans kick ass at the time in Nam') he set up a paypal account and searched online for mercenaries. He ended up hiring 79532762396 black stick figures for the cost of 2 dollars and a peanut. The stick figures were sent in a single fedex file (because they were folded neatly and compressed and shoved into the cardboard box) into Iraq where they immediately began to blow themselves up (and occasionally pop a cap in the hippies with their homies, but more of the latter)for no reason at all. The hippies, thinking that this was not groovy, moved out of Iraq. The black stick figures thought that they were victorious and began to blow themselves up in celebration (and form gangs).[[Image:
Enter more stick figures
The hippies were not ready to give up. They hired white stick figures and shipped them to Iraq in a fedex box where they began to blow themselves up with black stick figures (and make fun of them). Saddam Hussein, and Canada found this pointless and decided to lay off the fatty foods and called upon America to nuke every square inch of Iraq and get rid of the damn stick figures. America did, and nuked Iraq and it became the nuclear wasteland it is today. And so, Saddam Hussein and Canada decided to never kill each other again which is why no terrorists have attacked Canada, and he got shipped back to Iraq in a gold plated cardboard box. You know, cause hippies couldn't afford to ship in anything more than a cardboard box. Wait a minute...
Stuff that happened after
To this day, Iraqis are still blowing themselves up in tribute to the gallant stick figures who did so 40 years ago indefence of the country. A large war monument has also been erected in honor of the sticks. This monument was unfortunately blown up the the Americans in 2006.
Stick figures are stupid and like blowing themselves up.