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“Smashing through the boundaries, lunacy has found me, Cannot stop the Battery!”
~ James Hetfield on the battery
A battery is an animal that stores electricity and batters people. Batteries are able to sense when they are required and suddenly run out. They originally just beat people up, but eventually started to store electricity to shock people and then beat people up. They are also incredibly dramatic. some things break and other runout...but batteries DIE.

Batteries now run on..... you guessed it, batteries

edit Rechargeable batteries

Rechargeable batteries are a problem because unlike non-rechargeable batteries, which die after shocking someone and battering them up, they can teleport to their charging station to recharge to injure more people. Although they need supplies from a Refinery (Petrol) and Power Generator(Electricity), it is a menial thing compared to a innocent murder of a civilian. They can recharge in as little as 15-30 minutes. NiCD batteries is the most common subspecies of rechargeable batteries. However many other subspecies exist such as NiMH, dilithium ion, and rechargeable alkaline.

edit Voltage

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Battery.

Voltage is a measurement of a battery's power. The higher a voltage, the more powerful a battering is. 1.5 volts barely hurts at all. Higher voltage batteries such as 9 volt batteries should be approached with caution. 12 volts is exceptionally painful, causing electrical burns and bruises. Large groups of batteries should be avoided at all costs. The highest known combined voltage is 250 volts which is extremely lethal and able to kill 4 humans simultaneously.

edit Milli-amps per hour

Eating batteries

Milli-amps per hour or MaH is a measurement of how many hours/1000 the pain lasts after the shock and battering. For example 7000 mAh is 7 hours of pain. Many battery subspecies have a high milli-amp rating, including but not limited to the lithium, NiMH, Alkaline and Lithium ion subspecies.

edit Strengthening Voltages

Batteries can combine to heighten their voltage. With more voltage comes more beats, and more beats means more pain. A domestication of batteries is the the battery pack. The battery pack allows batteries to combine with ease. Battery packs are similar to batteries, having terminals on their bodies. Also batteries packs can reach high voltages.

edit Defences

The art and sport of defending oneself against batteries is known as earthing.The main weapon of the art of earthing is the earth staff. The earthstaff works like a earthstick which is found near circuit boards. I.E They conduct the shock to the ground.

Some have also advocated the use of salt as a weapon against offensive batteries (as it is known to corrode the terminals), but the act of harming and discarding of batteries is illegal in most jurisdictions, being classed under the felony of A Salt and Battery. Punishments include instant decapitation. Odite svi doma.

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