Base jumping
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“Bass Jumping really done shit my limbs up”
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[edit] History
Base Jumping is descended from the ancient English tradition of Bass Jumping, the art of throwing yourself from an incredibly tall fish. From as early as 1678nd there have been accounts of bravery and foolhardiness told of these sportsmen, the people came from miles around to watch the great legends of old in slippery action. Cloudy McDimming-Switch, Willifer Wishpipe and Terminal Submission were among the most famous of the Bass Jumpers. They pioneered techniques in falling from distances of up to an inch and a half, these techniques are now commonplace in the sport and you can be forgiven for thinking that these are commonplace or easy: The Clutching Hag, Half-Twisting Willy, Steven O'Seagal's Fancy, The Triple Nightmare, Ulterior Motive, Your Blind Navel, the list goes on.
[edit] Tragedy Strickens
The pastime grew beyond a fad and was soon sweeping the nation from as far south as Oneupmanshire all the way to Outpost RXF-34 Delta; there was a time when you couldn't walk 30 seconds without seeing some daring soul staring death in the face, about to put 3 and a half feet of Big Air between himself and the cobbles. In 19A5 Bass Jumping suffered it's first fatal death fatality. Woodgrain Complication The 3rd sadly died during atmpospheric re-entry after getting his footing wrong on a nice piece of Haddock. The swift introduction of parachutes (later renamed Coward Sheets) ensured the future of the sport and became a mandatory part of the basic equipment (beforehand this had included only a pair of night-vision goggles, 4 spoons, some string and some more string).
[edit] Jumping Today
At some point the name was changed to Base Jumping (no-one knows exactly when but it may have coincided with the re-introduction of Eminem into society). This change in title was to prevent any prior confusion with Bass Jumping (pronounced "Bass") as opposed to Bass Jumping (pronounced "Bass"). The amount of lawsuits filed against failed Jumpers looking to get their kicks leaping from the shoulders of Bass-playing heavy metal superstars grew to astromonomical proportions. Detrimental Radius Flange, bass player for Headtramp, summed up the situation very simply:
"F***ing b*****d fish c***s."
He later made a public apology for his outburst in court and confessed his true feelings.
"I actually really like f**h."
[edit] The Losers Who Haven't Tried BASE Jumping
See Also: Sky Diving Bungee Jumping
