Morning assembly under the new regime

Barton Court Grammar school is currently a dumping ground for children with middle-class parents too stingy to pay for private schooling and too snooty to send them to a state comprehensive. It is made up three politically influenced backgrounds. The clueless tory faction is small but wealthy and incompetent (as with most conservative groupings), the "hoodies 4 meatheads" party takes a majority of the school, with a small minority of socialists rebelling against the imposed class systems by writing damning reports on websites imitating encyclopedia-like search engines.


It was established in 1875 as a waste storage site, as the London sewers were becoming too expensive to build, so rather than building the pipelines out to sea or looping them into each other, they simply built all toilet facilities at one end in London, and the exit end underneath Barton House. In time the pile up of excrement became too great for the residents of the house, so they sold off the estate to become a girls grammar school.

The waste was drained off to the nearby Chaucer comprehensive school in 1980, as part of Margaret Thatcher's "dump shit on the poor" policy. A pond replaced the quagmire of excrement and after much careful renovation (putting up a few posters and lightbulbs) the dank, cramped and repulsive sewer lines were turned into dank, cramped and repulsive corridors to new buildings for the school.

In 1999 staff were brought in to actually EDUCATE the students struggling through the corridors, and extra construction (such as rooms and doors for the corridors to actually lead to) took place. Grades fell drastically and the government decided to once again raise grades by removing the staff. However, rules dictated they could not, so they attempted the next best thing to having no staff whatsoever; hiring mush-for-brains oxygen wasters of people to oversee the student's entire destruction of the educational facilities.

However, in 2004 this was to change, as the government realised that grades were still falling. In co-operation with MI5 and the local zoos, they brought in a fearsome new beast to tame the students, and introduce order through utter insane chaos. This creation was a crossbreed between both Klingon and lamppost, and with its Klingon heritage was named Duchtah Killeeh (pronounced Dr. Kelly). After being introduced to the school (but being kept within the confines of the well guarded science block) Grades began to rise, but the number of cases of unexplained mutilation, mental breakdown and involuntary urination among students rose drastically. Some other notable changes since then have been the introduction of modern computer screens (powered by 50 years old cream-coloured plastic boxes with little hamsters on wheels within) and the forced labour of many sixth-formers to build a new sports hall, right next to the brand new sewer lines.


Hung from every available pole (and some Hungarians too), the new regime's flag inspires all students to work hard at whatever they should be doing

Despite becoming somewhat unfashionable post 1939, Fascism (Artistic Movement) has once again become prevalent at Barton Court, with the appointment of a new hardline regime after the 'Duckpond Coup' in 2010. The incumbent autocratic leaders were ousted after their leader Tsar Manning XVI was deemed by the politburo as "a waste of space...although we do so like his Crazy speeches". Upon the establishment of a totalitarian-authoritarian-pointlessitarian leadership, several new decrees were passed to remove the traditional system of “sod all”.

Telescreens have been bought for every classroom (replacing outdated pictocubes, but with the sole intention of showing propaganda and monitoring the student's toilet breaks, tie lengths and how much they love Big Brother), and thoughtcrime is being reduced through an active policy of inactivity.