Barry from Eastenders
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“ I want a pet Barry From Eastenders.”
“ It was a wild Barry From Eastenders that caused my downfall, not Bush!”
Barry From Eastenders was a mythical creature dating from around 917 AD. Rumour has it, It is still alive this very day, and can often be seen in Pantomimes, or Jobcentres up and down the country. It is rare to spot Barry From Eastenders, as it is scared easily.
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[edit] Appearance
The creature's appearance has often been described as not dissimilar to that of a trolls: Short, chubby, balding, and slimy. The hair on it's knees has worn away because of all the scuttling through caves at night.
[edit] Diet
Barry From Eastenders feeds mostly on:
- Large Foxes
- Cats
- Dogs
- Beans
- Dot Cotton
It has been know for the creture to adopt cannibalism.
[edit] Charity Work
The NSBFE (National Save Barry From Eastenders) is a charity dedecated in getting Barry From Eastenders work in any form of industry. Please help this charity's vital work: If you are a factory owner, or a pimp, please get in touch.
[edit] Origins
It is believed that its mother was an overfed gypsy from the outskirts of Winnersh who went on to sell Barry From Eastenders because it "ate too much." It was bought by the producers of 'Eastenders' after it was noticed that it's name fitted in well with the show; and so seven years of everyone laughing at [not with] Barry From Eastenders ensued. It did not know his father although many people have come forward including the likes of Nelson Mandela and Robert Lindsay, but no one has been proven to be Barry From Eastenders' genuine father.
[edit] Future Plans for Barry From Eastenders
After watching Barry From Eastenders on "Z-List Celebrity Fame Acadamey: Oh Yes, Another God-Awful Reality TV Show, Where We Couldn't Even Get Real Celebrities Because We're Skint", the directors of London Zoo are looking to purchase it. (You may be wondering how a creature like Barry From Eastenders [wild and savage, yet to be toilet trained] got on to a show like that? Strict Security measures were in place:
- Barry From Eastenders was chained to the stage at all times.
- It was semi-sedated by a shot of Keith Richards' urine.
(However it was this point that caused controvesy among viewers. Critics say the semi-sedation severely numbed Barry From Eastenders' performance, reducing it's rendition of YMCA to mere screams, growls and yelps. Other fans say they didn't notice the difference.)
- Barry From Eastenders was kept fully fed on a vegetarian diet thoroughout the period, avoiding the severing or mauling of audience member's limbs.
It was here disaster stuck. On the 5th show, Barry From Eastenders ate Jade Goody. Reassurringly, nobody cares.
Barry From Eastenders was crowned 3rd in the dire show, and immediately after filming was chased into the wilderness surrounding the BBC Television Centre, London, by 2 employees of London Zoo. They were dressed in khakhi British Military Uniform from the Boer War, and armed with butterfly nets. They wanted to put Barry From Eastenders in a cage. The poor sod.
According to record, Barry From Eastenders lost the persuers just outside North Peckham. No one has seen it, or heard it since.
There is very little knowledge about the next idiotic way Barry From Eastenders will break into stardom.
Speculation says that Barry From Eastenders is set to appear in "Bi's and Ho's" in a carboard box, in the West End in the near future, starring as a mole named phil.
[edit] Concern Over Health
Although Barry From Eastenders is wild, fat, and about as funny as Ian Hislop, the nation has grown attatched to the podgy little beast. If you have seen it, or know of it's whereabouts, or infact you are Barry From Eastenders (I'm watching you! Although it is Illiterate, so couldn't be reading this), then please, for God's Sake, get in touch.
Otherwise Bob Geldoff will get involed, and Phil Collins will write another damn song about it.
