Barrel Clown

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Revision as of 13:00, November 30, 2005 by David Gerard (talk | contribs)

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Ah, construction barrels. So seemingly innocent. However, if you look deeper, I'm sure you'll find that something sinister lurks inside. Inside of the 14th barrel, to be exact. And that thing, my friends, is a barrel clown.

Barrel clown

An artist's rendition of a barrel clown.

So What Exactly IS a Barrel Clown?

I'm glad you asked. A barrel clown is a clown that sleeps in every 14th construction barrel on the road. They sit in there all day, eating sandwiches until somebody hits their barrel with their car. If you do happen to hit a barrel clown's barrel, he will hop out from under his orange home and into your car, whether you like it or not. You hit the barrel, now it's your responsibility to take care of the little fella. How, you ask?

Barrel Clowns as Pets

Barrel clowns sure are a handful, but can be a BARREL of fun if you take care of them properly!


First of all, have the right food on hand. All that a barrel clown can eat is sandwiches. If you do not have any, he will die, and when barrel clowns die, they smell like rotten crayons and take an awful long time to decompose. Always have the ingredients for a sandwich ready, and make sure you have enough ingredients to create different sorts of sandwiches. Barrel clowns hate monotony.

Health Risks

Barrel clowns are great, but there is a downside. Besides the obvious dangers of having a clown sleeping in your home, barrel clowns have been known to attract meteor showers (for this reason, 7 out of 3 astronomers own barrel clowns). If you're going to own a barrel clown, be safe and own a strong helmet as well.

Barrel Clowns as Spouses

"When in a fix, a barrel clown makes a handy spouse."

~ Oscar Wilde on Barrel Clowns

Hey, you can't get any more desperate. It's worth a try.

Barrel Clown Preservation

Now, I know we've had a lot of fun talking about barrel clowns, but it's time to get serious now. Barrel clowns are vanishing from this earth with alarming frequency. The number one cause of barrel clown death? Meteor showers. The second? DRUNK DRIVERS. If you're going to be drinking, save a life. Get a designated driver. If nobody volunteers, at least try to avoid barrels. Thank you.Template:ArticleFH

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