Baron Corbin

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Baron Corbin.


Baron "Baroness Andrea" Corbin, is a homeless American lesbian most famous for showing up at NXT events when the crowd gets too loud in an attempt to bore them to sleep so he can go back to watching old episodes of Friends in peace.

edit Early years

Corbin was born .... somewhere? Maybe? to parents Les Ferdinand and Kim Jong Un. At first the parents were proud, however within weeks they decided they preferred Corbin's identical twin brother Oprah Winfrey and so Corbin was exiled to Peru where he tasted his first success as a 57 time Goldfish Wrestling Champion. His final reign ended prematurely when his addiction to drawing on himself with magic markers led to an incident where he accidentally wrote "dildo" on his forehead. Keith Chegwin just happened to be sitting in the crowd that night and took offense to this, being a giant nob himself, and proceeded to beat Corbin unconscious with a llama.

edit Return Home

Disgraced, Corbin returned home where he moved into the frozen foods aisle of his local Lidl with flatmate Barney the Dinosaur. Things turned sour one night when Barney came home drunk and mistook Corbin for his inflatable love pillow. The police were called and Corbin took out a restraining order. No longer able to afford the rent without Barney he moved out and has been homeless ever since.

edit American Wrestling

Corbin was originally supposed to debut on an episode of Nitro in 1997 against Buddha in a top hat on a pole bra and panties match however the match was pulled when it clashed with Buddha's already scheduled toe nail clipping. Despite the match not going ahead WCW president Bridget Fonda paid him his doughnut, an act which earned Fonda the Nobel Peace Prize, A $10 gift card for Subway and a free carrier bag from WH Smith. Corbin then returned to the sewers for the rest of the decade.

edit NXT

Corbin reappeared some time later in NXT. He had been sleeping rough outside the venue when the cheers woke him up so he came inside to try and send everyone to sleep. Unfortunately Corbin had developed a condition called "severe douchism." The side effect of this is if he's in a room with more than 5 people for over 60 seconds he will die. The NXT crowds hopefully counted the seconds hoping this would finally be the time, however he always managed to hit his finisher, "The End of Days" a modified (botched) flatliner made famous by Boris Johnson, and ran away. At the start of 2014 in a match against Christina Aguilera, Corbin failed to beat the count and exploded. It was a happy day. President Morgan Freeman declared it a national holiday.

edit Resurrection

Corbin was dead for almost 9 months and all was well, however in a quest to gain eternal life Mr. Burns dug up the body and enlisted voodoo expert Cliff Richards in a plan that would allow them both to live forever. The spell failed, Corbin rose from the dead and Mr Burns died a week later. Cliff Richards was heartbroken and committed suicide so some good came from the whole situation.

edit Personal Life

Corbin currently lives in Zimbabwe with life partner Des Lynam and his 3 kids, Pikachu, Carlton Banks and Vladimir Putin. He aims to one day work for Simon Cowell's "American Simulated Sports House Of Legendary Emu's" (ASSHOLE) where his dream opponents would be Nelson Mandela, Super Mario and El Ligero.

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