Barnabas Bluevine

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“You know, Barnabas, there are those who claim that for unquestioning respect and eternal devotion, all one needs is a dog”

~ Oscar Wilde on Barnabas' Obsession

Production Still from "A Day Out with Barnabas" (1961)

Consisting of Pure Energy, Sir Professor Barnabas of Bluevine (AQA, RSC, PMT, PDSA, RSPB) has swiftly become one of the most recognisable faces of the athletic community, taking the 1988 Winter Olympics at Hiroshima by storm, winning three consecutive brass medals in ice-breaking, cot-mending and portraiture. He is the brother, and through a miraculous incestuous twist, the uncle, of Cecil "Deadly Cecil" Crumblewall MP, and is married to the state of Florida. He is also an intermittent Pope.

[edit] Birth

A "medical marvel" of the day, Barnabas was born three years after his brother Cecil in 1925. At the exact moment of the severance of his umbilical cord, a dove flew through a rainbow, creating a miracle known only as "Mool", or as it is known in France "Oysters D'Argent de la Agincourt de la natation". This symbol was taken as a sign that Barnabas was a holy man, and he was immediately ordaned as a priest at the age of 5 days of age. Barnabas was educated in schools across Cuba, and attended the University of Hull for precisely three days.

[edit] Career

Barnabas has enjoyed a variety of employment, including Midwifery. However, it as a jigsaw designer-cum-political hothead that Barnabas really made his mark, introducing both War & Fire to England in 1940. Through the nineteen fifties and sixties, Barnabas mostly kicked back with some fruit smoothies in his home in St.Kitts but not Nevis, and let the world lap around his ankles like warm piss.

[edit] Nervous Breakdown

After the death of his lover and lifelong companion Marvin Gaye in 1984, Barnabas fell out of favour with The King Of Eng-Land, and was forced to go into hiding. This did however, lead him to a crippling addiction to Fuzzy Felts.

[edit] Pure Energy Stage

After discovering what can only be described as a fuck-off-huge Obelisk in his back garden, and aided by his brother Cecil, Barnabas has for the past few years enjoyed a life as a selection of ultraviolet beams, but can now no longer touch anyone without giving them life-threatening skin cancers and lymphoma.