Baraq Hussein Osama
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“I too HOPE for CHANGE!”
~ Hobo on campaign slogans
“I did not share about with Mr Jackson”
~ Obama bin Laden on campaign slogans
“No, but I DID stay in at a Holiday Inn Express last night!”
~ Baraq Hussien Osama on his qualifications to be the next president
“That's the guy from them caves that we've been looking for, right? Well, we'll get him now. Standing for president was a big mistake.”
~ George Dubya Bush on Barack Osama
“I have a dream. I have a dream that hard working rich people everywhere will be thrown out of their three story deluxe mansions so that lazy parasitic homeless bums can live in them instead. Also, I have a dream that the government will one day wake up and realize the mistake they made in Iraq; they should have called the troops advisors, and they should have called the occupation a humanitarian envoy. So as president, I'll correct those mistakes by getting our troops and calling them something else so that Islamic fascists can quickly take over Europe and fight us here on our home soil with their evil Jihad navy fleets that they don't have yet. I have a (cocaine induced) dream.”
~ Baraq Hussein Osama on why America sucks
Baraq Saddam Hussein bin Laden Farrakhan Adolf Castro Stalin Osama Malcom X Tiberius Obama™'''' is the sharia-law-supporting Islamocommunofascist Muslim President of the United States. For reasons unknown, friends, family and those close the alleged president have given him the nickname of "Obama". This is most likely an effort by the liberal media to hide his real surname name. A tactic very similar to how the liberal media also likes to down play the fact that his middle name is Hussein. In 1996, he was elected as a Defeatocrat to the Illinois state senate. His record shows that his tenure in this office (under the Clinton administration) is when his father, Osama bin Laden, was able to turn him over to the dark side. It was in December of 2004, one month after Osama cheated his way into the U.S. Senate, that honorable news journalist Geraldo Rivera was able to release substantial evidence that supported the universally accepted theory that Osama was the individual that convinced president Bill Clinton not to kill his father, who as we mentioned before is Osama bin Laden, thus is single-handedly responsible for the 2001 September 11th attacks on America...home of the brave. Mom's sweet apple pie. Freedom. For more information, see Path to 9/11.
On February 10, 2007 in Springfield, Illinois, Baraq Hussein Osama announced his candidacy for, intention to win the 2008 presidential election by any unethical means necessary. An apparent Muslin, Baraq Hussein Obama chose to take his oath of office on Harry Potter.
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[edit] Proof that Obama is a Communist Muslim
- Has a birthmark shaped like Gorbachev's head on his ass.
- Was once quoted as saying, "Fuck you, you Christian, capitalist swine." In a calm voice, no less.
- Is related to Larry Clark.
- His father is black and from Kenya and only less than 1% of black people from Kenya are non-religious
- He swore on the Koran into office.
- He never attended church in Massachusetts.
- Obama chose the name renegade which according to Conservapedia means "Christian turned Muslim" and since its from Conservapedia, it's an established fact.
- the name Obama rhymes with Osama.
- He wants to make the super-rich people of America share their "hard-earned" money, which is something only a wicked-hearted, mentally ill, liberal Marxist would do.
- Arabs are terrorists...and...he's an Arab cuz his middle name is Hussein...and...he's also black, so he's not white, so he's not American...and...he's a Muslim...and...if anything happens to us he's gonna destroy us with all our nuculer bombs...?
- On one campaign ad, he's facing the same direction as Lenin's ads which is proof that he's a Muslim communist.
[edit] Early Life
As a young lad, the spawn of satan Damien...whoops...Baraq Osama the anti-christ, was the shy child of a decent white woman who was raped in a dark ally by a nasty threatening-looking black gang member. Which caused him to love men and turned him completely GAY! That black gang member turned out to be Malcolm X, who like Martin Luther King, was a trouble maker.
Despite the understandable inclination one would have towards abortion, the mother made the right choice and was going to give birth to the ugly bastard. That was until God himself came down from heaven to tell her to go ahead with the self-inflicted miscarriage as this incident was the obvious exception. Unfortunately for the world, the aborted fetus was stolen by the Taliban and sold to Al-Qaeda where the bin Laden family placed the boy in an unholy incubator... kind of like how Anakin Skywalker's body was taken by the Empire and put in a special nebulizer breathing suit at the end of Episode III. Yeah! That's exactly how it was like.
For the next ten years he was raised by the famous terrorist leader. Baraq looked up to his surrogate father and even took his first name as his last name. As a boy, Osama tortured small defenseless animals for fun. According to the Washington Post and Time magazine, his favorite childhood beverage was the blood of goats. During his teen years, Osama snuck back into the United States...illegally! Even though he dropped out of High School his freshman year, Osama was able to get a scholarship to an Ivy League University of his choice due to the sneaky liberal technicality known as affirmative action. His dorm roomate, Michael Moore, has mentioned on several occasions that during their college years, the two of them had a poster of Saddam Hussein on their dorm room wall as Saddam was a personal role model to both men (hence Baraq took his last name as his middle).Also Moore has mentioned the games he and Baraq used to play in their dorm that involved bananas, insertion in the rectum, and not so happy endings. You found a secret!
[edit] Early Political Career
In 1996, Osama tricked millions of dead people in the state of Illinois and was able to get himself elected to the Illinois State Senate from Chicago's 13th District.
When 2000 came around, Osama made a primary run for the U.S. House of Representatives seat held by four-term incumbent candidate Bobby Rush. By the wonderful grace of God (and not Allah), Osama's bid was unsuccessful. Rush, a retired Black Panther and community activist (aka, all American hero), kept his seat and America was safe from Islamic infiltration once again. Bitter, Osama vowed to one day pass Rush and advance ahead of him.
In 2004, Obama ran for the U.S. Senate open seat vacated by Peter F. Scott Fitzgerald. Famous CIA agent Jack Ryan stood in his way with the American people behind him. It looked like once again America would triumph victorious. This was until Ryan's sister Jeri "Seven of nine STDs" Ryan made a confession that she had had an incestuous relationship with her brother during his famous hunt of a Russian submarine. He regularly enjoys cradling balls, stroking shafts and swallowing the gravy. The citizens of Illinois had a tough decision to make: in the end, they felt that they would rather have a terrorist in the senate than a pervert. Contender Alan Keyes tried to take Ryan's place as the Republican candidate but was later found out to be a white supremacist.
[edit] 2004 Democratic National Convention
During the 2004 National Church of Satan Convention...whoops!...during the 2004 Democratic National Convention, Baraq Osama delivered the keynote address because he was black and the Democrats didn't want to seem racist or something. The black towelhead gave a short boring underwhelming speech that nobody liked, including you.
[edit] 2008 Presidential Campaign
On the dark day of February 10, 2007...two days after Anna Nicole Richie Smith was killed by being torn limb from limb by Howard Stern, Larry Birkhead, Larry King and Prince Frederick Zsa Zoo Gabor, Baraq Osama went to his home town of Springfield, Illinois to announce his candidacy for President of the United States of America. During his pro-communism motivational speech, Osama mentioned his various crazy opinions about the country. One of these opinions dealt with his feeling that the country was too polarized and divided between blue states and red states. This is ironic as the Osama speech was delivered at the former state capital where Abraham Lincoln delivered his "House Divided Speech". (In Lincoln's speech, he spoke about the polarization of the country over slavery and how he didn't believe that a house divided could stand -- thankfully, John Wilkes Booth shot that awful liberal traitor of the GOP.)
On February 13, 2007, Osama flat out said all American troops in Iraq that died were useless pieces of crap and that if you didn't pee on their graves, you were not only patriotic, but actually wanted America to win the war on terror...which is a bad thing to him because he hates America.[1]
The November 4th elections made history: Osama became the first muslim president of United States
[edit] Controversy
[edit] Joe Biden
On January 31, 2007, Senator Joe Biden announced that he, too, was starting a presidential campaign for 2008. However, his comments concerning his personal evaluation of Baraq Osama got him in some trouble. Biden was quoted in the New York Observer as saying: "I mean, you got like, for the first time ever, this muslim Hawaiian dude who is articulate and bright and clean and smart and outgoing and vulnerable and sexy and cool and spunky and hip and sophisticated and great and a nice-looking guy....I mean, that's a storybook, man....you know....like in a fairy tale....a fairy tale I'll never be in." Biden went out of his way to clear up the controversy by apologizing to Osama and his five wives on the same day for coming on too strong. The senator then really drove home his regret on The Daily Show that same evening, saying: "Listen, none of you idiots understand how alone I feel inside....how cold it is at night. " When Jon Stewart brought up the fact that he was married, Biden asserted his desire to play for the other team. The whole entire week, various media observers labeled Biden's announcement a "launch pad disaster." A month after the incident, Senator Biden claimed Baraq Hussein Osama walked up to him one day and declared a fatwa against him before slicing off his arms and stabbing him several times. At first, the news media accused him being racist until Biden reminded them that Osama was mixed and from Hawaii of all places. When cops found DNA similar to that of Baraq Osama on Joe Biden clothes, a police warrant was made for the junior senator. It seemed as if Osama had really did slash Biden afterall. Accusations of homophobia nearly cost Osama his campaign, until it was found out that the DNA on Senator Biden's clothes were actually that of Baraq Osama's little reject brother, Baraka Osama.
In August, 2008, Baraq met the senator at a Starbucks to make amends to Joe Biden and apologize for his little brother, who Baraq explained, escaped from his cage. Joe Biden accepted his apology and asked if he had picked his running mate already. Baraq thought of his concubine Sarah Palin , but Baraq told Biden that he had planned to call his father, Osama bin Laden, and ask his hand in taking over America. However, Baraq worried that his ticket might not have strong electability with his dad's name next to his. Biden then pulled down his pants, took an American flag and proceeded to wipe his butt with it as a gesture of friendship. Assured in his hatred of the US, Baraq shook his hand (eww!) and later announced Biden as his VP to the media. Joe Biden has been criticized since the incident and has been accused of pandering to Baraq Osama by wiping his ass with the American flag.
[edit] Jeremiah Wright
Near the end of Obama's race for the 2008 presidential nomination, someone released tapes of his pastor Jeremiah Wright saying, "God dam America," and, "America's chickens are coming home to roost." While some perceived vitriolic overtones in Wright's comments, Obama assured them that Wright was purely discussing management of the local Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet, and furthermore that he could not be Wrong, because he was Wright.
Furthermore, since Jeremiah Wright is married - everyone knows two Wrights can not equal a wrong.
[edit] Bill Ayers
During the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign, the relationship of Osama and some distant associate his best buddy in the whole universe, Bill Ayers, an unrepentant terrorist, was brought up and vigorously discussed by the media. It was also lightly mentioned in passing by both his opponent John McCain and comedian Tina Fey. McCain mumbled in an interview that he had no problem with Osama having any kind of relationship with Mr. Ayers. Baraq was furious and responded that these allegations of friendship with Ayers, while true, were out of bounds and wrongfully accused McCain and Palin of attempting to reveal his hidden agenda to blow up America. Osama then issued a fatwa on their heads.
[edit] See Also
| Candidates in the 2008 U. S. Presidential Election |
| Republican Candidates |
|
John McCain the Elder | Rudy Giuliani | Mike Huckabee | Ron Paul | Ronald Reagan's Ghost | Mitt Romney | Tom Tancredo | Fred Thompson | Tommy Thompson |
| Democratic Candidates |
|
B. Hussein Obama | Hillary Clinton | John Edwards | Mike Gravel | John F. Kennedy's Ghost | Baraq Hussein Osama | Tom Vilsack | Stephen T. Colbert, DFA |
| Independent Candidates |
