Banned from the Internet

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When online, the Masters of the Internet are all hot Anime babes, especially the one with the brown hair.


In real life, the Masters of the Internet all look like this Cosplay asshole.

  • Top Posting - Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.

As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently banned from the Internet. The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the Masters of the Internet feel like it.

Getting banned from the Internet means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's license permanently and go to jail.

How to get banned

  • Illegal Activity - This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc.
  • Warez Handling/Sharing - An mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
  • Swearing - The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught Swearing on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single fucking warning.
  • Piracy - Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)
  • Pornography - Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about Pornography on the Internet will get banned. See also Pics Plz.
  • Fibbing - The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned and the information will be removed.
  • Wiki Vandalism - Not unlike shoplifting YOUR MOTHER BLOWS DOGS LOLOL!!!!11!, wiki vandalism hurts everyone.
  • Refusing to Forward Chain Mail - The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends.
  • Forwarding Chain Mail - According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, seriously. They actually said that.)
  • Presenting False Personal Information - Everyone on the Internet is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
  • Being a skeptic - Failure to believe everything you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
  • Eating Bon-bons - It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught eating bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of death in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising.
  • Speaking "Leet" - Leet Speak was banned in April of 2005 when it was announced by the U.S. Department of a Unified Homeland (DUH) that it is the secret code-language of illiterate terrorists.
  • Camping in Counter Strike - Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a knife or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
  • Hitler- As soon as you compare someone to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the internets, you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler.

See also

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