Banned from the Internet

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*'''Top Posting -''' Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.
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{{Message_box| message='''You''' have been banned from Uncyclopedia for misconduct. May your sad fate serve as [[AAAAAAAAA!|a]] warning to others.<br>Make [[Uncyclopedia]] better, not worse. Stop the cycle of violins. | heading = I was banned from Uncyclopedia, and all I got was this lousy template!| image = Stop_crap.png}}
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<div style="border:1px solid #000; width:100%; margin:auto;" id="mw-blocked-text">
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<div style="width:100%; margin:auto; text-align:center;"><div style="font-size:140%;">'''Block'd!'''</div>
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'''''You can still read pages''', but cannot edit, change, alter, modify, emend, revise, or create them.''
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</div>
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<div style="margin:auto; width:70%;">
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<div style="text-align:justify;">
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Editing from '''[[special:MyPage|{{USERNAME|127.0.0.1}}]]''' (your account, IP address, or IP address range) has been disabled by [[Order of Uncyclopedia|The Right Honourable]] {{admin}} for the following reason(s):<br clear="all">
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<div style="margin:1em; padding:5px; border:3px #666 double;"><choose><option>Vandalism</option><option>Abusing multiple accounts</option><option>Trolling</option><option>Vandalism only account</option><option>For the lulz</option><option>Edit warring</option><option>Being too Welsh</option><option>Just asking for it</option><option>Anti-Yaoi</option><option>Being a Loser</option><option>Posting consturctive criticism to an admin</option><option>Not a brony</option></choose></div>
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This block has been set to expire: '''{{#time:D, j M Y H:i:s}}'''. Block ID is '''{{CURRENTTIMESTAMP}}'''.
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</div></div></div>
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{|border=0 align=right
 
{|border=0 align=right
 
|[[Image:Animebabes.jpg|thumb|When online, the '''Masters of the Internet''' are all hot [[Anime]] babes, especially the one with the brown hair.]]
 
|[[Image:Animebabes.jpg|thumb|When online, the '''Masters of the Internet''' are all hot [[Anime]] babes, especially the one with the brown hair.]]
 
|-
 
|-
|[[Image:Doofus.jpg|thumb|In real life, the Masters of the [[Internet]] all look like this [[Cosplay]] asshole.]]
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|[[Image:Doofus.jpg|thumb|In real life, the Masters of the [[Internet]] all look like this [[Cosplay]] [[asshole]].]]
 
|}
 
|}
*'''Top Posting -''' Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.
 
As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently banned from the Internet. The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the [[Masters of the Internet]] feel like it.
 
   
Getting '''banned from the Internet''' means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's [[license]] permanently and go to jail.
+
As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently [[Banned from the Internet|banned from the Internet]].
  +
  +
The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the [[Masters of the Internet]] feel like it.
  +
  +
Getting '''banned from the Internet''' means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's [[license]] permanently, go to [[jail]] (...directly to jail! No passing go, no collecting $200), be forced to have a philosophical conversation with Neil Young, be slapped in the face with a [[Hello Kitty Vibrator]], and cast into the [[outernet]]. Furthermore, you will be briefly sentenced to the 5th Layer of Hell, but only the part where goblins poke out your guts with spoons lubricated with mayonaise.
   
 
==How to get banned==
 
==How to get banned==
   
*'''Illegal Activity -''' This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc.
+
*'''Illegal Activity -''' This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc. It is especially illegal to read [[Uncyclopedia]] articles or even worse, to write or edit them.
*'''Warez Handling/Sharing -''' An mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
+
*'''Warez Handling/Sharing -''' A mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
*'''[[fuck|Swearing]] -''' The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught [[Swearing]] on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single fucking warning.
+
*'''[[fuck|Swearing]] -''' The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught [[Swearing]] on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single mother fucking goddamn warning.
*'''[[Piracy]] -''' Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)
+
*'''[[Piracy]] -''' Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)...or you could just be a literal cyber sea pirate....arrrggghhh mateys! However, many environmentalists protest this rule because it contributes to [[global warming]].
*'''[[Pornography]] -''' Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about [[Pornography]] on the Internet will get banned. See also [[Pics Plz]].
+
*'''[[Pornography]] -''' Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about [[Pornography]] on the Internet will get banned. See also Pics Plz.
*'''[[lie|Fibbing]] -''' The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned and the information will be removed.
+
*'''[[lie|Fibbing]] -''' The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned, have their skin eaten and the information will be removed.
*'''[[Wiki]] [[Vandalism]] -''' Not unlike <strike>shoplifting</strike> YOUR MOTHER BLOWS DOGS LOLOL!!!!11!, wiki vandalism hurts everyone.
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*'''[[Wiki]] [[Vandalism]] -''' Unlike shoplifting, wiki vandalism hurts everyone and is punishable by [[death penalty|death]]. [[HowTo:Get Arrested|UR MOM IS GHEY LOL]] <!-- Disclaimer: this actually isn't vandalism. It's a funny joke, you dumbass. -->
*'''Refusing to Forward [[Chain mail|Chain Mail]] -''' The integrity of the systems that forward email around [[the world]] depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends.
+
*'''Impersonation of Cecil -''' 'As co-founder of the sub-terranean internetchamber system, the impersonation of Cecil is an offence punishable only by Banning. Or in some cases Death.' ~By Cecil.
*'''Forwarding [[Chain mail|Chain Mail]] -''' According to the [[IETF]], "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, [http://www.faqs.org/rfcs/rfc1855.html seriously]. They actually said that.)
+
*'''Refusing to Forward [[Chain mail|Chain Mail]] -''' The integrity of the systems that forward email around [[the world]] depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends. Note failure to send such mails can also result in bad luck, deteriorating health and the deaths of small children. Like this one guy, he didn't forward one, and he woke up at the bottom of a well where he was killed. True story.
  +
*'''Forwarding [[Chain mail|Chain Mail]] -''' According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, [http://www.faqs.org/rfc/rfc1855.txt seriously]. They actually said that.)
 
*'''Presenting False Personal [[Information]] -''' Everyone on the [[Internet]] is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
 
*'''Presenting False Personal [[Information]] -''' Everyone on the [[Internet]] is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
 
*'''Being a [[:category:scams|skeptic]] - '''Failure to believe [[everything]] you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
 
*'''Being a [[:category:scams|skeptic]] - '''Failure to believe [[everything]] you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
*'''Eating [[Bon-bons]] - '''It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught [[eating]] bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of [[death]] in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising.
+
**Also: "harrassing [[troll]]s; or using your real name." -Algore
*'''Speaking "[[l33t|Leet]]" - '''Leet Speak was banned in April of 2005 when it was announced by the U.S. Department of a Unified Homeland (DUH) that it is the secret code-language of illiterate terrorists.
+
*'''Eating [[Bon-bons]] - '''It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught [[eating]] bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of [[death]] in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising. This can cause [[Obesity]] as well.
*'''[[Camping]] in [[gaming|Counter Strike]] - ''' Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a [[knife]] or some lousy pistol, will be banned.
+
*'''[[Democracy]]- '''Talking about, thinking about or reading about democracy will earn you an instaban from the internet. You will be deported to China, where coincidentially this page got uncyclopedia [[Banned From China]].
*'''[[Hitler]]- ''' As soon as you compare [[someone]] to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the [[internets]], you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler.
+
*'''Speaking "[[l33t|Leet]]" - ''' 1337 5?34|< \/\/45 b4|\||\|3d 1n /\?R||_ 0ph 2oo5 \/\/h3n 1+ w@z 4n|\|0|_|n3|> 6y +|-|3 |_|.5. |>3?4r+|\/|3|\|+ 0|= 5 |_||\|1f!e|> |-|0|\/|3|_/\n|> (|>|_||-|) +h4+ |+ !5 +3h 5e<r3t c0d3-|_@n9u493 0f !||!+3R@+e +3rR0r!5+5. |-|0w3\/3r, !+ 1s 5+ihl !n usex0r !n +eh |_|n|>3r 9R0u|/||> teR|?0r!5+ +r4|n|n9 ?r09r4|\/| <0u|\|+3r5+R!|<3.
  +
*'''Attracting too much of [[Peer]]'s attention.'''
  +
*'''[[Camping]] in [[gaming|Counter Strike]] - ''' Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a [[knife]] or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
  +
*'''[[Hitler]]- ''' As soon as you compare [[someone]] to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the [[internets]], you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler. Rallying for the extermination of the Jewish race or proposing that people follow you in a war for the purity of the Aryan blood is an effective way to to assure you won't be banned from the internet. You will also win a [[Certificate of Hitlertude]].
  +
*'''Graphically representing the [[Encyclop&aelig;dia Dramatica|ash]]''' - This kind of activity is condemned, [[Sherrod DeGrippo]].
  +
*'''Anti-[[Yaoi]]''' 80% the admins in the internet, especially in [[Deviantart]], are yaoi fanboys/girls. You Dare insult their magificent Garra X Sasuke Non-canon couple,'''YOU'RE DEAD.'''
  +
  +
[[Image:Lose at internet.png|right]]
  +
  +
*'''Residing in the City of [[Detroit]]''' - No questions asked, its just a fact of life.
  +
*'''Being a [[furries|furry]] or furry fan''' - It's official, [[UnNews:God Hates Furries|God hates them]].
  +
*'''Not being a [[furries|furry]] or furry fan''' - They made rules like this just to piss you off.
  +
*'''Clicking popup and banner ads''' This makes huge companies get money. You wouldn't want that, right?
  +
*'''Being a member of the Global Cabal of [[Policeman|Policemen]] (GCP).''' No matter how quickly or slowly you enunciate your title, someone will figure it out and you'll be banned. That, and you have to tell them you're a [[Policeman]] if they ask. It's no fun at all.
  +
*'''Linking to your userpage''' - Even if the name doesn't match, It's disgusting, terrible, and just not right. [[user:kaploy9|'''I''']] for one never do that sort of thing.
  +
*'''Not being a brony''': Bronies are the new internet 1337ness, how dare you not get converted!
  +
*'''Being a brony''': all due to your sheer faggotry.
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
  +
* [[HowTo:Get Banned|How to get banned from Uncyclopedia]]
  +
*[[King of the Internet]]. Don't cross this guy. He'll eat you, starting with your long pork sword, pausing only to spit out the seed.
   
*[[King of the Internet]]. Don't cross this guy.
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==External links==
*[[Fr:Banni de l'Internet]]
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*[http://web.archive.org/web/20041011185016/http://www.io.com/~vitale/ban/ Keep the Net Free - Has your site been banned ?] archived at the [http://www.waybackmachine.org www.waybackmachine.org]
   
  +
{{FA|date=3 July 2005|revision=90453}}
 
[[Category: Internet]]
 
[[Category: Internet]]
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[[category:Uncyclopoly]]
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  +
[[fr:Bannissement d'Internet]]
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[[nl:BAN]]
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  +
== July 2010 ==
  +
<div style="clear: both; background-color: #ffeecc; border: 1px solid #aaa;"> [[File:Stop x nuvola with clock.svg|40px|left]] You have been '''[[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Blocking policy|blocked]]''' for a period of '''12 hours''' from editing for persistent [[Wikipedia:Vandalism|vandalism]]. Once the block has expired, you are welcome to [[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Five pillars|make constructive contributions]]. If you would like to be unblocked, you may [[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Appealing a block|appeal this block]] by adding the text <!-- Copy the text as it appears on your page, not as it appears in this edit area. Do not include the "tlx" argument. -->{{tlx|unblock|Your reason here}} below; but you should read our [[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Guide to appealing blocks|guide to appealing blocks]] first. [[wikipedia:User:Courcelles|Courcelles]] ([[wikipedia:User talk:Courcelles|talk]]) 17:40, 3 July 2010 (UTC)</div><!-- Template:uw-vblock -->
  +
:''If this is a shared [[IP address]], and you didn't make the edit, consider [[wikipedia:Wikipedia:Why create an account?|creating an account]] for yourself so you can avoid further irrelevant notices.''

Latest revision as of 21:14, July 12, 2013

  • Top Posting - Due to several cases where people have gone blind from reading things out of logical order, top posting is prohibited on all Internet newsgroups and mailing lists.
Stop crap I was banned from Uncyclopedia, and all I got was this lousy template!
You have been banned from Uncyclopedia for misconduct. May your sad fate serve as a warning to others.
Make Uncyclopedia better, not worse. Stop the cycle of violins.
Block'd!

You can still read pages, but cannot edit, change, alter, modify, emend, revise, or create them.

Editing from 127.0.0.1 (your account, IP address, or IP address range) has been disabled by The Right Honourable Hotadmin4u69 for the following reason(s):

Abusing multiple accounts

This block has been set to expire: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 10:46:53. Block ID is 20140820104653.

Animebabes

When online, the Masters of the Internet are all hot Anime babes, especially the one with the brown hair.

Doofus

In real life, the Masters of the Internet all look like this Cosplay asshole.

As agreed on by the Masters of the Internet, there are several different ways to get permanently banned from the Internet.

The list is not strictly followed, and people are commonly banned just because the Masters of the Internet feel like it.

Getting banned from the Internet means getting your IP address removed, and your modem, computer, and any storage media that you have confiscated without trial. You will also lose your driver's license permanently, go to jail (...directly to jail! No passing go, no collecting $200), be forced to have a philosophical conversation with Neil Young, be slapped in the face with a Hello Kitty Vibrator, and cast into the outernet. Furthermore, you will be briefly sentenced to the 5th Layer of Hell, but only the part where goblins poke out your guts with spoons lubricated with mayonaise.

edit How to get banned

  • Illegal Activity - This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc. It is especially illegal to read Uncyclopedia articles or even worse, to write or edit them.
  • Warez Handling/Sharing - A mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
  • Swearing - The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught Swearing on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single mother fucking goddamn warning.
  • Piracy - Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)...or you could just be a literal cyber sea pirate....arrrggghhh mateys! However, many environmentalists protest this rule because it contributes to global warming.
  • Pornography - Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about Pornography on the Internet will get banned. See also Pics Plz.
  • Fibbing - The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned, have their skin eaten and the information will be removed.
  • Wiki Vandalism - Unlike shoplifting, wiki vandalism hurts everyone and is punishable by death. UR MOM IS GHEY LOL
  • Impersonation of Cecil - 'As co-founder of the sub-terranean internetchamber system, the impersonation of Cecil is an offence punishable only by Banning. Or in some cases Death.' ~By Cecil.
  • Refusing to Forward Chain Mail - The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends. Note failure to send such mails can also result in bad luck, deteriorating health and the deaths of small children. Like this one guy, he didn't forward one, and he woke up at the bottom of a well where he was killed. True story.
  • Forwarding Chain Mail - According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, seriously. They actually said that.)
  • Presenting False Personal Information - Everyone on the Internet is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
  • Being a skeptic - Failure to believe everything you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
    • Also: "harrassing trolls; or using your real name." -Algore
  • Eating Bon-bons - It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught eating bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of death in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising. This can cause Obesity as well.
  • Democracy- Talking about, thinking about or reading about democracy will earn you an instaban from the internet. You will be deported to China, where coincidentially this page got uncyclopedia Banned From China.
  • Speaking "Leet" - 1337 5?34|< \/\/45 b4|\||\|3d 1n /\?R||_ 0ph 2oo5 \/\/h3n 1+ w@z 4n|\|0|_|n3|> 6y +|-|3 |_|.5. |>3?4r+|\/|3|\|+ 0|= 5 |_||\|1f!e|> |-|0|\/|3|_/\n|> (|>|_||-|) +h4+ |+ !5 +3h 5e<r3t c0d3-|_@n9u493 0f !||!+3R@+e +3rR0r!5+5. |-|0w3\/3r, !+ 1s 5+ihl !n usex0r !n +eh |_|n|>3r 9R0u|/||> teR|?0r!5+ +r4|n|n9 ?r09r4|\/| <0u|\|+3r5+R!|<3.
  • Attracting too much of Peer's attention.
  • Camping in Counter Strike - Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a knife or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
  • Hitler- As soon as you compare someone to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the internets, you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler. Rallying for the extermination of the Jewish race or proposing that people follow you in a war for the purity of the Aryan blood is an effective way to to assure you won't be banned from the internet. You will also win a Certificate of Hitlertude.
  • Graphically representing the ash - This kind of activity is condemned, Sherrod DeGrippo.
  • Anti-Yaoi 80% the admins in the internet, especially in Deviantart, are yaoi fanboys/girls. You Dare insult their magificent Garra X Sasuke Non-canon couple,YOU'RE DEAD.
Lose at internet
  • Residing in the City of Detroit - No questions asked, its just a fact of life.
  • Being a furry or furry fan - It's official, God hates them.
  • Not being a furry or furry fan - They made rules like this just to piss you off.
  • Clicking popup and banner ads This makes huge companies get money. You wouldn't want that, right?
  • Being a member of the Global Cabal of Policemen (GCP). No matter how quickly or slowly you enunciate your title, someone will figure it out and you'll be banned. That, and you have to tell them you're a Policeman if they ask. It's no fun at all.
  • Linking to your userpage - Even if the name doesn't match, It's disgusting, terrible, and just not right. I for one never do that sort of thing.
  • Not being a brony: Bronies are the new internet 1337ness, how dare you not get converted!
  • Being a brony: all due to your sheer faggotry.

edit See also

edit External links

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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 3 July 2005
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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edit July 2010

Stop x nuvola with clock
You have been blocked for a period of 12 hours from editing for persistent vandalism. Once the block has expired, you are welcome to make constructive contributions. If you would like to be unblocked, you may appeal this block by adding the text {{unblock|Your reason here}} below; but you should read our guide to appealing blocks first. Courcelles (talk) 17:40, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
If this is a shared IP address, and you didn't make the edit, consider creating an account for yourself so you can avoid further irrelevant notices.
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