Banana Phone

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Several ordinary banana phones.

"I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear." - Ernie (from Sesame Street).

The banana phone is a telecommunications banana that transmits speech by means of electric signals. A popular myth is that the banana phone was invented by notable renaissance man Raffi. This is not true. Alexander Graham Bell invented the device in 1876.

Making the banana phone


If you work with electronics, you probably have some idea what the hell this means.

While much of mankind has talked on a banana phone at one point in time, most do not know that the original banana phone was made using advanced electronic engineering. Here is an excerpt from Bell's notes describing how his banana phone was made, in case you do not understand the circuit diagram to the right:

Chatting Banana (attempt 1036)
Parts needed: two bananas, string
Procedure: Cut a hole in each banana, and connect them with a string.

Fortunately, modern banana phones are not made with such primitive technology. These days, banana phones work by using a long string to connect a banana to a satellite. This allows anyone to talk to anyone else who has a banana phone whenever they want.

Road safety

Talking on a banana phone while driving is often claimed to be the main cause of road rage. This is of course nonsense, because everyone loves bananas.

A gripe with banana phones that isn't total bull, however, is the disposal of broken banana phones by tossing them out the window, onto the road. This often leads to a driver running over the banana and spinning out. This has caused no injuries or fatalities yet, but it has caused at least three hundred people to lose a race that they were going to win.



This is a bananamarketer. Notice that he, like all bananamarketers, looks like a jackass.

A common complaint by owners of banana phones is that they often receive unwanted banana phone calls from banana marketers, or people who try to sell them products over a banana phone. Installing anti-spam software on your banana can stop Bananamarketers.

Despite lies that he is a pirate, Maddox is actually a bananamarketer.

Complete list of people and places you can call on a banana phone


This is the pizza restaurant.

  • A pizza restaurant
  • Your cat
  • The White House (only calls made in the interest of having a chat will be permitted)

By popular request, an operator will make efforts to add Beijing to this list.

Bananular Phone™

The smaller,portable version of the famous communication device known as Bananular Phone™ was invented by renowned scientist Shaquille O'Neal in 1986. Although used by many, no one really knows how the Bananular Phones really work.

Cell Prawn


Actress Anita Udeep talking on a cell prawn

A much less popular communication device is the cell prawn. Unlike a bananaphone, over time a cell prawn becomes unpleasant to have around. A 6-day-old cell prawn cannot be used without a gas mask.

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