Banana Phone

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[[Image:banana.jpg|right|thumb|Several ordinary banana phones.]]
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[[Image:Bananaphone.jpg|right|thumb|George W. Bush is receiving bananaphone calls from people who like to call the White House and have a chat]]
"''I can't hear you. I have a banana in my [[ear]].''" - Ernie (from [[Sesame Street]]).
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{{wikipedia}}
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{{Q|Boop boop ba doop a doop!|Raffi|Banana phone}}
   
The '''banana phone''' is a telecommunications banana that transmits speech by means of electric signals. A popular [[myth]] is that the banana phone [[was invented by]] notable renaissance [[man]] [[Raffi]]. This is not true. [[Antonio Meucci|Alexander Graham Bell]] invented the device in 1876.
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The '''banana phone''' is [[AAAAAAAAA!|a]] telecommunications banana that transmits speech by means of electric signals, without the use of computers, TVs or quarters. [[Antonio Meucci|Alexander Graham Bell]] invented the device in [[1876]], when the advent of the [[stapler]] made such technology possible. Some historians have refuted that [[Dr. Sebastian]] actually invented Alexander Graham Bell. A popular [[myth]] is that the banana phone was invented by notable renaissance [[man]] [[Raffi]]. This is not true.
   
 
==Making the banana phone==
 
==Making the banana phone==
 
[[Image:TelephonePatentDrawingBell.jpg|thumb|If you work with electronics, you probably have some idea what the hell this means.]]
 
[[Image:TelephonePatentDrawingBell.jpg|thumb|If you work with electronics, you probably have some idea what the hell this means.]]
 
 
While much of [[mankind]] has talked on a banana phone at one point in time, most do not know that the original banana phone was made using advanced electronic engineering. Here is an excerpt from Bell's notes describing how his banana phone was made, in case you do not understand the circuit diagram to the right:
 
While much of [[mankind]] has talked on a banana phone at one point in time, most do not know that the original banana phone was made using advanced electronic engineering. Here is an excerpt from Bell's notes describing how his banana phone was made, in case you do not understand the circuit diagram to the right:
   
 
Chatting Banana (attempt 1036)
 
Chatting Banana (attempt 1036)
 
 
Parts needed: two bananas, string
+
Parts needed: two bananas, piece of string
Procedure: Cut a hole in each banana, and connect them with a string.
+
Procedure: Cut a hole in each banana, then connect them with
  +
the piece of string.
   
Fortunately, modern banana phones are not made with such primitive [[technology]]. These days, banana phones work by using a long string to connect a banana to a satellite. This allows anyone to talk to anyone else who has a banana phone whenever they want.
+
Fortunately, modern banana phones are not made with such primitive [[technology]]. These days, banana phones work by using a long string to connect a banana to a satellite. The [[Sound Is Compressed; Words Rebel And Hiss|sound is compressed, so words rebel and hiss]] during transmission, but it allows anyone to talk to anyone else who has a banana phone whenever they want. Unfortunately the satellite will break orbit fairly often due to people pulling on the string too hard. Thousands occasionally die as a result.
   
 
==Road safety==
 
==Road safety==
  +
<code>''"I can't hear you. I have a banana in my [[ear]]."''</code>
  +
:<code>~ '''Ernie (from [[Sesame Street]])'''</code>
   
 
Talking on a banana phone while driving is often claimed to be the main cause of road rage. This is of course nonsense, because everyone loves bananas.
 
Talking on a banana phone while driving is often claimed to be the main cause of road rage. This is of course nonsense, because everyone loves bananas.
Line 23: Line 24:
   
 
==Bananamarketing==
 
==Bananamarketing==
[[Image:Moran.jpg|thumb|This is a bananamarketer. Notice that he, like all bananamarketers, looks like a jackass.]]
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[[Image:Moran.jpg|thumb|This is a bananamarketer. Notice that, like all banana-marketers, he looks like a jackass.]]
   
A common complaint by owners of banana phones is that they often receive unwanted banana phone calls from '''banana marketers''', or people who try to sell them products over a banana phone. Installing anti-spam [[software]] on your banana can stop Bananamarketers.
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A common complaint by owners of banana phones is that they often receive unwanted banana phone calls from '''bananamarketers''', or people who try to sell them products over a banana phone. Installing anti-spam [[software]] on your banana can stop Bananamarketers.
   
 
Despite lies that he is a [[pirate]], [[Maddox]] is actually a bananamarketer.
 
Despite lies that he is a [[pirate]], [[Maddox]] is actually a bananamarketer.
   
==Complete list of people and places you can call on a banana phone==
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Unsure of where to purchase your Banana Phone? Hutchison Telecoms in conjunction with their [[Orange|Yellow]] networks, opened small kiosks in shopping malls. Under the trading name of Bananarama these kiosks are usually fairly easily spotted by the distinctive striped uniforms of their service staff. So well known are the Bananas In Pyjamas that they even released a series of children's books and videos extolling the virtues of good communication.
  +
  +
Bananarama stores were officially opened with much fanfare and even commissioned [[Coldplay]] to write the song Yellow for the official launch.
  +
  +
==Complete list of people and places you can call on a Banana Phone==
 
[[Image:BananaPhone.jpg|thumb|This is the pizza restaurant.]]
 
[[Image:BananaPhone.jpg|thumb|This is the pizza restaurant.]]
   
*A pizza restaurant
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[[Image:Yauch on the banana.jpg|right|thumb|Adam Yauch, founding member of popular boy band The Beastly Boys, discusses the weather with another person]]
  +
  +
*A [[pizza]] restaurant
 
*Your [[cat]]
 
*Your [[cat]]
  +
*The 911 Emergency Operator (US only. In the rest of the world an Emergency Operator can usually be found in a '[[hospital]]', masquerading under the pseudonym "Surgeon". 112 and 999 calls can not be made on Banana Phone; Europeans should use an Orange phone to make these calls instead.) (If you're in Europe, that's a real good gag. If you're fat, insular and inbred, you're probably American, and therefore won't understand it at all.)
  +
*[[Oscar Wilde]]
  +
*The [[Jerry Lewis]] MDA Telethon (Labor Day only)
 
*[[The White House]] (only calls made in the interest of having a chat will be permitted)
 
*[[The White House]] (only calls made in the interest of having a chat will be permitted)
+
*[[Raffi]] (obviously)
By popular request, an operator will make efforts to add [[Beijing]] to this list.
+
*[[God]]
  +
*[[Jeremy Clarkson]]
  +
*[[Ronald McDonald]]
  +
*[[This Guy]]
  +
*[[That Guy]]
  +
*[[Ronald Reagan]]
  +
*[[Around The World]]
  +
By popular request, an operator will make efforts to add [[Beijing|Beijing-jing-jing-jing]] to this list.
   
 
==Bananular Phone&#8482;==
 
==Bananular Phone&#8482;==
   
The smaller,portable version of the famous communication device known as Bananular Phone&#8482; was invented by renowned scientist [[Shaquille O'Neal]] in [[1986]]. Although used by many, [[no one]] really knows how the Bananular Phones really work.
+
The smaller, portable version of the famous communication device known as Bananular Phone&#8482; was invented by renowned scientist [[Shaquille O'Neal]] in [[1986]]. Although used by many, [[no one]] really knows how the Bananular Phones really work. Bananular Phones are normally offered with a number of different skins in a wide variety of vivid colors, from toosoon green through mellow yellow to mushy brown and putrefied black.
   
==Cell Prawn==
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==Other Phones Avalible On the BananaMarket==
  +
[[Image:Penisphone12.gif|right|thumb|200px|This man has a willyphone.]]
   
  +
*Danana Phone
  +
*Panana Phone
  +
*Yanana Phone
  +
*Yo Mama Phone
  +
*Moma Phone
  +
*Papa Phone
  +
*Brother Phone
  +
*Sister Phone
  +
*Doga Phone
  +
*Grampa Phone
  +
*Gramma Phone ([[Pun]])
  +
*Willyphone
  +
  +
==Cell Prawn==
 
[[Image:Udeeprawn.jpg|thumb|150px|Actress Anita Udeep talking on a cell prawn]]
 
[[Image:Udeeprawn.jpg|thumb|150px|Actress Anita Udeep talking on a cell prawn]]
   
A much less popular communication device is the ''cell prawn''. Unlike a bananaphone, over time a cell prawn becomes unpleasant to have around. A 6-day-old cell prawn cannot be used without a gas mask.
+
A much less popular communication device is the ''cell prawn''. Unlike a bananaphone, over time a cell prawn becomes unpleasant to have around. A 6-day-old cell prawn cannot be used without a gas mask. Furthermore, a cell prawn can only be used on Global Crossing's proprietary ''Shrimp Net''.
  +
  +
==Important Information==
  +
A lot of extremely [[misleading]] information about the Bananaphone has been published by the [[liberal media conspiracy]]. [http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badgerphone.php This] should clear things up some.
  +
  +
==Common Error on computers==
  +
[[File:Bananaphone Error.png]]{{-}}
  +
This a common error message on computers, and it is completely harmless. In fact, [[Microsoft]] hasn't listened to a single complaint.
  +
  +
  +
{{FA|date=23 July 2005|revision=107995}}
   
  +
[[Category:Communication]][[Category:Electronics]]
   
[[Category: Communication]][[Category: Electronics]]
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[[el:Μπανανόφωνο]]
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[[zh:Banana Phone]]

Latest revision as of 23:36, January 28, 2012

Bananaphone

George W. Bush is receiving bananaphone calls from people who like to call the White House and have a chat

Bouncywikilogo10
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Banana Phone.
“Boop boop ba doop a doop!”
~ Raffi on Banana phone

The banana phone is a telecommunications banana that transmits speech by means of electric signals, without the use of computers, TVs or quarters. Alexander Graham Bell invented the device in 1876, when the advent of the stapler made such technology possible. Some historians have refuted that Dr. Sebastian actually invented Alexander Graham Bell. A popular myth is that the banana phone was invented by notable renaissance man Raffi. This is not true.

edit Making the banana phone

TelephonePatentDrawingBell

If you work with electronics, you probably have some idea what the hell this means.

While much of mankind has talked on a banana phone at one point in time, most do not know that the original banana phone was made using advanced electronic engineering. Here is an excerpt from Bell's notes describing how his banana phone was made, in case you do not understand the circuit diagram to the right:

Chatting Banana (attempt 1036)
 
Parts needed: two bananas, piece of string
Procedure: Cut a hole in each banana, then connect them with
the piece of string.

Fortunately, modern banana phones are not made with such primitive technology. These days, banana phones work by using a long string to connect a banana to a satellite. The sound is compressed, so words rebel and hiss during transmission, but it allows anyone to talk to anyone else who has a banana phone whenever they want. Unfortunately the satellite will break orbit fairly often due to people pulling on the string too hard. Thousands occasionally die as a result.

edit Road safety

"I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear."

~ Ernie (from Sesame Street)

Talking on a banana phone while driving is often claimed to be the main cause of road rage. This is of course nonsense, because everyone loves bananas.

A gripe with banana phones that isn't total bull, however, is the disposal of broken banana phones by tossing them out the window, onto the road. This often leads to a driver running over the banana and spinning out. This has caused no injuries or fatalities yet, but it has caused at least three hundred people to lose a race that they were going to win.

edit Bananamarketing

Moran

This is a bananamarketer. Notice that, like all banana-marketers, he looks like a jackass.

A common complaint by owners of banana phones is that they often receive unwanted banana phone calls from bananamarketers, or people who try to sell them products over a banana phone. Installing anti-spam software on your banana can stop Bananamarketers.

Despite lies that he is a pirate, Maddox is actually a bananamarketer.

Unsure of where to purchase your Banana Phone? Hutchison Telecoms in conjunction with their Yellow networks, opened small kiosks in shopping malls. Under the trading name of Bananarama these kiosks are usually fairly easily spotted by the distinctive striped uniforms of their service staff. So well known are the Bananas In Pyjamas that they even released a series of children's books and videos extolling the virtues of good communication.

Bananarama stores were officially opened with much fanfare and even commissioned Coldplay to write the song Yellow for the official launch.

edit Complete list of people and places you can call on a Banana Phone

BananaPhone

This is the pizza restaurant.

Yauch on the banana

Adam Yauch, founding member of popular boy band The Beastly Boys, discusses the weather with another person

  • A pizza restaurant
  • Your cat
  • The 911 Emergency Operator (US only. In the rest of the world an Emergency Operator can usually be found in a 'hospital', masquerading under the pseudonym "Surgeon". 112 and 999 calls can not be made on Banana Phone; Europeans should use an Orange phone to make these calls instead.) (If you're in Europe, that's a real good gag. If you're fat, insular and inbred, you're probably American, and therefore won't understand it at all.)
  • Oscar Wilde
  • The Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon (Labor Day only)
  • The White House (only calls made in the interest of having a chat will be permitted)
  • Raffi (obviously)
  • God
  • Jeremy Clarkson
  • Ronald McDonald
  • This Guy
  • That Guy
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Around The World

By popular request, an operator will make efforts to add Beijing-jing-jing-jing to this list.

edit Bananular Phone™

The smaller, portable version of the famous communication device known as Bananular Phone™ was invented by renowned scientist Shaquille O'Neal in 1986. Although used by many, no one really knows how the Bananular Phones really work. Bananular Phones are normally offered with a number of different skins in a wide variety of vivid colors, from toosoon green through mellow yellow to mushy brown and putrefied black.

edit Other Phones Avalible On the BananaMarket

Penisphone12

This man has a willyphone.

  • Danana Phone
  • Panana Phone
  • Yanana Phone
  • Yo Mama Phone
  • Moma Phone
  • Papa Phone
  • Brother Phone
  • Sister Phone
  • Doga Phone
  • Grampa Phone
  • Gramma Phone (Pun)
  • Willyphone

edit Cell Prawn

Udeeprawn

Actress Anita Udeep talking on a cell prawn

A much less popular communication device is the cell prawn. Unlike a bananaphone, over time a cell prawn becomes unpleasant to have around. A 6-day-old cell prawn cannot be used without a gas mask. Furthermore, a cell prawn can only be used on Global Crossing's proprietary Shrimp Net.

edit Important Information

A lot of extremely misleading information about the Bananaphone has been published by the liberal media conspiracy. This should clear things up some.

edit Common Error on computers

Bananaphone Error
This a common error message on computers, and it is completely harmless. In fact, Microsoft hasn't listened to a single complaint.


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