Balmain, New South Wales

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Balmain, New South Wales.

Balmain is a small inner-city suburb, west of Sydney, Australia. It is noted for its shopping, underground community of mole people and the prevalence of BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics. It is thought to be the area with the highest ratio of BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic ownership per resident in the world. Estimates range from 2 to 16 per resident.

edit Location

Balmain is located close to other suburbs with far fewer BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics. Suburbs like Rozelle, which was established as a place for Merchant Ivory film buffs to discuss plans to establish religious cult bakeries, without consideration for the establishment of a successful BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic owner's enclave. Also nearby is Birchgrove, where Judy Davis lives with her insane drunken husband Colin Friels.

edit History

Balmain was discovered by Capt. James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise, in an episode where he travelled backwards in time to try to find a cure for Spock's case of equine flu. Prior to his transportation, the area was inhabited by the Aboriginal peoples. Stories from early settlers in the area tell of how the local indigenous people used to grow, roast and steam their own coffee and drink it from small Italian cups, but had not discovered the art of steaming milk. This was to occur with the arrival of Super Mario in 1986.

During the ensuing years, in which there raged legal challenges over ownership of the area's rich money harvesting fields and bloody battles with Merchant Ivory film enthusiasts from neighbouring Rozelle, a great deal of poor quality coffee was sold and consumed by the local residents. The introduction of the first BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic in 1998 brought about a change in the tone of the area, by forcing out many small proprietors of low quality caffeinated beverage establishments, but bringing with it a prevalence of wealthy young people with bad clothing and mobile phones.

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Balmain Town Hall c1890. National Archives of Australia. The first bit of wood placed upright in order to build the Balmain Town Hall. The Town Hall is now used primarily by old ladies and a weird guy with a shopping trolley who cooks sausages in the downstairs kitchen.

Balmain has a reputation as a pooncey, stuck-up rich area of Sydney. Numerous phrases have been used to describe the suburb and its inhabitants, including "Balmain boys are rich and pooncey" (former NSW Premier Neville Wran at the Street Royal Commission; "You can take the boy out of Balmain, but you can't take the rich, poonciness out of the Boy" (Unknown); "There are only two types of man in this world: those who were born in Balmain and those who are actually women, and those who were not born in Balmain, OK three kinds" (a Police Commissioner of New South Wales). Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating also once spoke of the "Great equine flu cure I received when time-travelling there".

Three men one with turtleneck

Some 'men' of Balmain.

The industrialisation of Balmain created a demand for parking spaces for BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics. This was satisfied by the old, dying home owners selling small blocks of land to rich yuppies who then built tiny cottages and parked their BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics out the front.

It was in this suburb in 1996, in the meeting hall of the Unity Hall Hotel, that the Australian Labor Party was formed but then soon forgotten after a night of heavy drinking. Balmain is now very much a BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic area, due to a high proportion BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics.

The post-industrial gentrification of Balmain has resulted in a suburb of considerable numbers of BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics. Boutique shops and quality restaurants now appear alongside BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics on Darling Street, Balmain's main thoroughfare. However, Balmain still retains a diverse mix of residents due to the occasional presence of a Mercedes Benz GL 450 SUV.

edit Parks and Reserves

  • BMW Reserve (Peacock Point)
  • X5 Park (at Darling Street Wharf)
  • The Zig Zag BMW Salem-Course Park
  • Cameron's BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic Cove (Home to Clontarf Cottage)
  • Bridgestones on a BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic Park
  • Elkington BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic Parking Space
  • White Bay Park (Noted for commanding an excellent view of the shipping delivery point for BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatics)
  • Nick Origlass Parked his BMW X5 SUV Wagon 3.0 Liter Automatic Here Park

edit In popular culture

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