Baldrick

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FBI

CONSPIRACY TO MAKE CUNNING PLANS RESULTING IN NEAR DEATH AND EMBARRASSMENT, SUSPICIOUS REINCARNATIONS THROUGHOUT HISTORY, FRAUD, SEXUAL DEVIANCE, TURNIP TRAFFICKING, INTELLECTUAL CRIMES, CROSSDRESSING, MALE PROSTITUTION, COMMUNIST AND ARISTOCRATIC SYMPATHIES, FEEBLE CHARLIE CHAPLIN IMPRESSIONS, MANUSCRIPT BURNING, AND EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS

BALDRICK


Baldrick series 3

Date of Photograph could be 15th, 16th, 18th, or 20th century

Aliases: Turd, Malodorous Runt, Worst Cook in the Entire World, Lord Baldrick, Sodoff Baldrick, The Other Woman, Frozen Horse, Private Baldrick, The 'Man Who Cleans Out the Septic Tank', Little Sausage.

DESCRIPTION

Date of Birth: Unknown Hair: Sewage Brown
Place of Birth: Satan's Bottom Eyes: Brown
Height: 5' 2" Complexion: Revolting
Weight: Light enough to fling around Sex: Male
Build: Skinny Nationality: Stateless
Occupation: General Dogsbody
Remarks:  Known to be as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, Baldrick is the main instigator of plans in the Baldrick-Blackadder crime syndicate. A tall, handsome stallion of a man who was once called the 'greatest genius who ever lived'. Baldrick has also published poems in a proto-Minimalist journal of the early 20th century.
Scars, Marks and Other Peculiarities: Difficult to tell which ones are actual features and which ones are marks of abuse although he does have a large growth in the middle of his face of unknown origin.

CAUTION

BALDRICK IS WANTED IN CONNECTION WITH FAILING TO ADD 2 AND 2 TOGETHER, SELLING OWN URINE AS PREMIUM WINE, IMPERSONATION OF CHARLIE CHAPLIN, SEVERAL MALAPROPISMS, BURNING BOOKS OF EDUCATIONAL VALUE, AND THE REPEATED HINDRANCE OF EDMUND BLACKADDER'S ACTIONS.

CONSIDERED STUMPY AND EXTREMELY SMELLY

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT SAMUEL JOHNSON, OR THE BABY EATING BISHOP OF BATH AND WELLS.

ACCOMPLICES

Mrs miggins

A deranged woman

Melchett2

Deranged General

Blackadder

Deranged Soldier

Prince minibrain

Prince Minibrain (the most deranged of the lot...)

REWARD

The Mensa Society, working in conjunction with the FBI, is offering a years free supply of crossword puzzle books and brainteasers for any information, observation or otherwise that may lead to the apprehension or conviction of this philistine. An additional baker's dozen of pies is being offered by Mrs. Miggins's Pie Shop.


WARNING

In spite of being kicked, having a milk-jug broken on his head, being roasted on a red-hot spit, and subjected to days of exposure, Baldrick is still with us. Do not expect him to be a pushover.

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