Bad Translation

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Recognize this? Of course you do.

Have you ever tried to speak a foreign language in a far off country, but just receive funny looks from everyone around you? Or maybe you tried to impress the Latin class by showing them your hot skillz in translation. Hell, there's a chance you just wanted to fit in some chatroom. Whatever it was, we've all been there, with an English-Spanish dictionary in one hand, and a mouse in the other; just trying to be cool. In that sense we all have little bad translating in us, kind of like Captain Morgan's, except maybe even more so at times.

For Instance

Remember that first paragraph? Let's see what that looks like translated into Chinese and then back again to English.

You tried to speak a foreign language, in a distant country, but only from the perspective received around strange people? Perhaps you tried to persuade Latin class by showing their hot skillz in the translation. Hell, there is a chance, do you just want to fit in some chat room. No matter what, we are all there, in Spanish and English dictionary, on the one hand, and the mouse in the other, just want to cool. In this sense, we have not nothing wrong with that in our translation, a bit like Captain Morgan, but perhaps more should be given time.

Get the Idea?


Bad translation has been around for ages, why do you think we got Florida back from the Spanish? Despite it's roots stretching back hundreds of years, Bad translating has only recently become prevalent in main stream society. Everyday people are using it all over the place; when they want to buy a drink on their Carribean Cruise, when they need to score some crack off that guy in China Town, or maybe that just wanted to cyber with that French chick. Whatever the situation is, Bad Translation is almost always involved, and there's no way to escape it.



Spanish Webster's Dictionary, the root of all evils.

Often, bad translation is caused by the translating services we use. Things like Webster's Dictionary, or, just dictionaries and cheap internet sites in general. They could give you the absolute correct definition of every word, and help us place them in the right spot. But instead, they choose to feed us lies, and then watch us as we make fools of ourselves. Well I'm not gonna stand for it! I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL BAD TRANSLATION!

Common Examples

  • Ahem..* There are millions of examples of Bad Translation to choose from, but in order to save time, we'll just give you a sample platter.

Girlfriend's Dog


Sure she's hot, but maybe next time you should think about what you're saying before you say it.

Say you're talking to that Spanish waitress on the phone, and she says something about her dog. Of course you want to say something nice, so you manage to sputter out, "Oh of course, I love your dog, it has such a nice coat," in horrible broken Spanish. Now what you meant to say was nice enough, but that's not what she heard. She heard, "Of course I worship bitch, it has a beautiful refuge." Good luck explaining that one.

Foreign Bartender

Ok, this one seems innocent enough. You're at a hotel in some resort, and the bartender doesn't speak much English. You pull out your handy-dandy dictionary and manage to utter something along the lines of, "Excuse my broken Spanish, but may I order a drink?" But then, an angry look begins to grow on the man’s face. He starts yelling at you, and motions you to get away. Here's what he heard, "I dispense with broken Spaniards, after I drink from them." Yeah, you kinda came off as a vampire in that one...

Spanish Chatroom

Alright, last but not least, you're in some chatroom and the guys saying something in Spanish. So, you pull up the translating website and it turns out he's bragging about all the hot girls he see on the beach. So you use that same site to translate, "Oh yeah? Well the girls that live by me are way hotter, and they've all got huge breasts!" All the sudden everyone else starts laughing. They heard, "Oh yes, all the ones that work for me are hotties, and they have such firm, muscular chests." Don't even begin to try to explain.

Looking Stupid

As you've probably noticed, all this bad translation is making everyone look bad. It is truly one of the most evil things in the world, and needs to be dealt with carefully. My advice: Start out the right way, the next time you're a baby refuse to talk. If you never learn language, then language can never make a fool of you. However, if you doubt that you'll ever return to childhood, you can start getting back at language by forgetting everything you've learned. Isolate yourself from the outside world for a couple of years, and then come back knowing nothing. Trust me, it's the way to go.

If in Doubt

Keep yelling at the foreign person in your own language and point in their general direction until they understand what your saying eg; "YOU GAVE ME THE WRONG CHANGE"

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