Backstreet Boys

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The Backstreet Boys during a music video in 1998.

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The Backstreet Boys during "We've Got It Goin' Anal" music video in 1998.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Backstreet Boys.
“ Oh, I want it that way....”
~ Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb
“ I like Spanish Eyes...They go great with this fine wine and parsley.”
~ Dr. Hannibal Lecter

The Backstreet Boys, are a notorious group of radical serial killers whose murder victims have been found in many areas in the international community.

The "Modus Operendi" of the Backstreet boys is to lure young adolescent girls to various locations with the promise of wholesome entertainment. The Backstreet Boys, once they have lured their victims to the location, commence a series of loud and unstable vocal noises along with a series of hand movements (debate as to whether the Backstreet Boys are of Italian descent is yet unknown). The vocal noises reach a climax, and the unwilling victims can do nothing but screech in unbearable pain, and soon faint. Hours, or even days later, the victims are discovered, their bodies crushed as the result of large amounts of merchandise being piled onto them.

Attempts to discover the identities of the Backstreet Boys has so far yielded little to no information. There have been groups of male adolescents who have spoken with great authority on the subject, but as of yet, their statements that the Backstreet Boys are "Gay" has proved inconclusive.

The Backstreet Boys earned their title for their habit of leaving victims in the aforementioned "Backstreets" of various cities, and even the most hardened members of the Backstreets live in fear of the notorious group.

Another Habit of the Backstreet Boys is their release of "Albums" every few years. These Albums contain images of the bodies of their victims, and occassionally include handwritten messages by the killers themselves (their most notorious album, the "Millenium" Album, showed an image of one of their victims with two CD cases embedded in her skull and her arms wrapped around her ribcage to the point where they are crushed, with the message 'I Want It That Way'). Their Albums took an even more violent turn with the appearance of the "Black and Blue" album, which showed some of the victims suffering from large quantities of charred skin and others having died of hypothermia.

After the Black and Blue Album, the Backstreet Boy's rampage suddenly came to a screeching halt, many suspected with relief that their reign of terror had ended entirely, but in 2005, another album appeared, this one titled "Never Gone", obviously referencing the public's belief that their murders had stopped. Their next album, "Unbreakable" was found in 2007, and showed their victims' limbs in unnatural positions and angle, sometimes with the bones jutting out. There have been rumors of an upcoming album, slated to be their worst one yet, but as of yet these rumors have been uncomfirmed.

Supposed Similarities with 'N Sync

Several Criminal Investigators have speculated that Backstreet Boys are in fact the same group as the Serial Killer Group 'N Sync. This idea has been supported on the basis that their MOs are remarkably similar. This idea has been discredited, however, as Critics have pointed out that no 'N Sync Victims have been reported since 2001, and there is near-universal agreement that one of the members of 'N Sync now works on his own as the notorious "Timberlake Killer", who first began his killing spree in late 2002, when the body of a college girl was discovered at Camp Timberlake, apparently killed from a series of rocks thrown at her body.

Discography

Studio Albums

Backstreet Boys (Self Titled, lack of creativeness)(1996)

  1. We've Got It All From Porn
  2. Quit Playing Games (Like Yhatzee)
  3. I won't Love You In The Morning
  4. Everybody (Backstreet's Back, Hide the Kids)
  5. All I Have to Give is a Crap
  6. NoWhere for You
  7. Hey Mr. DJ (Keep Playin This Song, and I'll kill you)
  8. I'll Never Let A Fart
  9. Marlin'
  10. Get Down (And do that thing to me with your tongue I like, you know, that thing...yeah, that.)
  11. Babe, You got an Ostrich Kiss
  12. If Only I could be a Bad Girl (Cause I'm Into The Bad Boys)

Decade (Still a long ass time with these guys)(1999)

  1. Larger Than Life (But Only Under that Magnifying Glass)
  2. One Of Us is Gay (More like all of us)
  3. I Like Being Covered In Macaroni
  4. I Like Men Too
  5. I Need You Tonight, Billy Mays
  6. From The Back
  7. Don't Wanna Let it Go Now
  8. No Fun
  9. I'm Not That Smart
  10. Spanish Eyes and Chianti
  11. Don't Come Close, I got a Restraining Order
  12. The Perfect Man (Gotta Be One For Me)

The Color Problem|Black and Blue(2000)

  1. The Obcene Call
  2. Smell of My Fart
  3. Need Another Boyfriend
  4. Grinding Hard
  5. I Promise You (I Won't Get Caught With Another Man)
  6. The Answer To Our Problem (Is to Add Another Guy to the Mix, Babe)
  7. Noone
  8. Nope, Thats It
  9. Mine
  10. Women, Not For Me
  11. No, I won't
  12. It's True, I did Have Sexual Relations With That Man
  13. Why Are You Still Here?

Never Gone(2005)

  1. BatleStation Not Yet Operational
  2. Figured I'd Tell You
  3. Crawling Away From Me
  4. Crazy World, Isn't It?
  5. I Kill....
  6. Little Girl
  7. Lose Myself In It All
  8. Chained To My Walls
  9. Puts the Lotion on The Skin
  10. Safest Place To Hide
  11. Garage
  12. Never Gone (So Don't Try To Sneak Away)

Unbreakable(2007)

  1. Intro
  2. Everything Is Mine
  3. Inconsolable
  4. Something That I Already Know About Your Family
  5. Helpless
  6. Any Other Way
  7. One in a Million Chance You'll Get Away
  8. Panic
  9. You Can Let Go
  10. Trouble Is
  11. Treat Me Right, And I'll be Gentle
  12. Pain Will Keep You Up All Night
  13. Unmistakable Face of Mine
  14. Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon, Thats Where I got You
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