Baby geniuses

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Baby geniuses poster

Baby holding test tubes of his daddy's sperm.

“If you give a baby a genius he will be smart for a day, If you experiment on a baby he will be a freak who can do backflips
~ Oscar Wilde on Baby Geniuses
“I've done it. I've created the worst movie ever!”
~ Bob Clark on Baby Geniuses, obviously before he directed Baby Geniuses 2


Baby Geniuses (Also known in Latin as Terribilis Struem Quisquiliarum) is a film released in March 1999. It was praised for it's special effects, where they took other peoples lips and superimposed them onto babies. That didn't give me nightmares. These babies all got a 1600 on their SAT scores and had a IQ of 160. Also they could do Vector calculus. Although they are great at math they still wear diapers.

edit Plot

At BabyCo baby geniuses (not to be confused with genius babies) are being experimented on for profit. The scientists testing these babies are trying to build a baby theme park for world domination or something. They figure out that before children are two years old they are super duper intelligent, but upon turning two they become drooling little idiots.

In the group of lab rat babies at BabyCo there is an even smarter baby genius named Sly, a genius baby genius if you will. He devises a plan to escape and succeeds. He then finds his long lost twin brother Whit in a shopping mall play area. (Apparently i'm no baby genius because I, upon writing this article, for the first time realized the two twins names were synonyms for smart) The twins are swapped, Whit is taken by the evil scientist trying to build a theme park through exploiting children and Sly is taken home by their idiot mom who didn't realize she gave birth to twins. Dummy. Blah, Blah, Blah, stuff happens and they save the day through super baby genius twin teamwork or whatever.

Smart-baby

This is a baby genius.

SmartBaby

This is a genius baby. Notice the difference.

Einstein baby

This baby is actually a dumb baby posing as a genius. What a poser.

edit Cast

Baby Genius 1 - Played by Baby George Dubya Bush

Baby Genius 2 - Played by Baby Adolf Hitler

Baby Genius 4 - Played by Baby Double D

Baby Genius 5 - Played by Baby Sarah Palin

Sly - Played by three triplet babies who are not actually geniuses, I know what a let down.

Whit - Played by those same three dumb-asses.

Dr. Heep - Christopher Lloyd

Dr. Kinder - Carl Sagan (often mistaken for Kathleen Turner)

Mommy - Kim Cattrall

Jordan-2-Delta - Ewan McGregor

Lincoln-6-Echo - Scarlett Johansson

Damn, I think I'm forgetting a cast member. Where's a baby genius when you need one.

edit Sequel

A sequel titled Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 was released in 2004. In film critic Roger Ebert's review of the film he gently stated "HOLY SHIT THEY MADE A SEQUEL FOR THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!".

After releasing the sequel, the director Bob Clark promptly died. No joke. It was his last film, any correlation? I think sooooooo. What I'm trying to say is it KILLED HIM! Because it was so so stupid.

edit Reception

Although Baby Geniuses had sickening special effects, a terrible plot, horrible writing, and a cast of almost all people who weren't old enough to wipe their own asses it was a box office hit. With a 12 million dollar budget they made 36 million dollars and 12 cents. Yeah that's right they made a 24 million dollar and 12 cent profit on a movie about babies being intelligent. Have you looked in the eyes of a baby, they have no souls, let alone brains. This is on you America.

edit List of Activities Baby Geniuses Excel at:

edit Trivia

Baby Geniuses are different from Genius Babies

"Don't have a cow Basil" - What the hell does this mean? Maybe it means this.

The sequel bombed at the box office causing a deficit of 10.5 million dollars.

Wait are you telling me they made 13.5 million dollars and 12 cents from these two movies. Jesus Christ...



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