Baby boomer
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“The hippies wanted peace and love. We wanted Ferraris, blondes and switchblades.”
A Baby boomer is someone born after WWII and before the Beatles, and who did or didn't experience the "Swinging Sixties," and who did or didn't survive the Vietnam War, and who did or didn't get zonked. Hardly anyone else can comprehend it, and those who claim to be able to do so also admit to not actually remembering most of it. These were battered kids born to war-mongering, Spam-eating, beer drinking, Bob Hope listening, Joe Louis cheering, Hitler hating, Camel smoking, A-bomb blasting, Kennedy assassinating, pinball playing, Empire State building, square parents who lived or died during WWII, and are forever caught in an emotional triangle of Humphrey Bogart, puritanical values, and shell-shock caused by the prospect that getting laid once cost an entire lifetime.
The Baby boomers appeared just at the right time to grab the new contraceptive pill leaving their parents forever blaming their children for having missed out on all the fun. Unfortunately these days Baby boomers are now basically in-charge. And despite a 1960's of chilling out and telling their parents to be nice to people the WWII generation still managed to carry forward the notion that war was good business.
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edit History of Baby boomers
You might have figured that during WW2 there was a lot of shagging going on and that having everyone in Europe hunkered down together in a confined space while Americans watched ball games sounds like a recipe for lots of babies. The truth is that during the war the girls were not up for it at all. With explosions either knocking down their homes, rattling their radios or sensationalizing their newspapers they were not in a procreative mood. That coupled with the fact that most of the guys they actually wanted to shag were either already dead, or were overseas killing people themselves meant that most girls kept their legs thoroughly closed.
After four and a half years of no shagging the bankers finally realised that Hitler was not going to win and stopped lending him money. The war soon ended with a boom over Japan, and those men who were still alive came back home to catch up on all the snatch with a vengeance - thus causing a baby boom which would last until they let everyone have birth control pills. Unfortunately these offspring were not equal - some were worse than others. This shaped up as the divide between hip and unhip Baby boomers, with the Mods and the Rockers in Britain, while in America they were mostly rebels without a cause until the Vietnam War.
edit Two types of Baby boomers
“Hell NO! We won't go!”
“Hell NO! We won't go!”
Unhip Baby boomers emulated their uncool, angry, shell-shocked parents and became street cleaners, doctors, pawn brokers, janitors, lawyers, politicians, tax collectors, priests, bureaucrats, lawyers, judges, spies, sailors, pilots, taxi drivers, lawyers, real-estate dealers, reporters, postal workers, artists, investment bankers, lawyers, cops, narcs, soldiers, mass-murderers, dead dicks, or lawyers. Meanwhile the hip Baby boomers just got stoned hoping that Timothy Leary was right about turning on, tuning in and dropping out.
So there are two distinct categories of Baby boomers, hip & unhip. Below are a few examples:
- Unhip Boomers: Hillary Clinton, Gordon Brown, John Kerry, Janet Napolitano, Eric Holder, Timothy Geithner, and Bill Gates.
- Hip Boomers: Ringo Starr, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, Joe Satriani, Jane Fonda, Jimi Hendrix, Madonna, and Steve Jobs.
^ If you get the vague impression that hip Baby boomers are mostly creative artists while unhip Baby boomers are mostly destructive politicians - you could be on to something.
edit What are Baby boomers good for?
Absolutely nothing? Well, if not for Baby boomers you wouldn’t even be getting laid… to this day. If it was not for Baby boomers you would think cool refers to the temperature. There would be no porn on the TV and the internet - and what you could get from the newsagents would only be from the neck up. Without Baby boomers you’d still be using words like, “swell” and “broad!” and saying things like, "ain't she a swell broad?" If it wasn’t for Baby boomers you wouldn’t be sitting in front of your Mac, or your PC, and there wouldn’t be any Internet. You’d still be using a typewriter and counting with your fingers.
Baby boomers stopped the 'Nam War' (but invaded the Middle East). Boomers lobotomized "love" (but banned gay marriage). Boomers discovered Yoga (but just ended up doing lots of stretching). Boomers switched meat for potatoes (but ate Sushi). Boomers turned from booze to dope (but sniffed glue). Boomers put the ROCK into ROLL (and rocked on for a while, but then struggled to remember what they had rolled). Boomers used Porn to help Al gore create the Internet (but forgot that polar bears can swim). And, most significantly, Baby boomers mastered wireless technology (but used it to kill everyone far more safely).
edit Baby boomers developed unmanned warfare
Baby boomers were so repulsed by the Vietnam war draft that they developed remote controlled flying robot battle machines or Predator Drones, which will revolutionize robot v/s robot unmanned warfare[1]. Because of Baby boomers, wars in the future could really be a hoot, so much fun that the Army will be turning strong men away and recruiting only geeky, wiz-kids to man-the-bots. Wow! "Bot-Wars" - it sounds so cool.
The war heroes of tomorrow will be pizza-munching twerps who can bull's eye a Womp Rat back on their home console. Only winners can spawn - enemy bots cannot re-spawn. Take out 25 in a kill-streak and get control of a MOAB. Rack 600 points and get hold of a Cruise Missile. Win the war and you get a nuke. And all from the relative safety of Disneyland. Man! Whoever said the "pen is mightier than the sword" for sure never played Bot-Wars!
edit Conclusion
Therefore when you use your smart-phone, your cool car, your hip threads, your electric dildo, your hemp shoes, your nylon socks, your plasma TV, Your iMac, your foxy lady, your copy of Hustler, your bong or Rizlas, you can thank your local Baby boomers for making it all possible. Forget the golden age of aviation or the industrial age or all past discoveries, and don't notice that since the Baby boomers have been in charge China now owns the United States and there are millions of illegals wrecking a debt riddled economy. And social security is going under along with welfare because the whole thing is run by carrot-cumber juice drinking aliens, and it's just a matter of if the Magicians reverse engineer it all faster than the Nazis or the Masons and get it out to their military industrial complex before the Baby boomers off-spring finally finish inventing the internet and ban real war. Now go make some carrot-cumber juice and be grateful for the original and ground-breaking Baby boomers.
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