Baby-throwing

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Bored, tired of wanking to fetus x-rays? Got a pesky little girl or wife? Concerned about the global problems of overpopulation? Then Lebo baby-throwing is the thing for you!

Babyhead1

A professional baby-thrower taking part in a giant baby head-throwing contest

What Is Baby-throwing?

Baby-throwing is a recreational activity to replace alcohol, drugs, bridging, bricking, beastiality actions on grandmother, touching your dogs dick and welly wanging. Baby-throwing is also a lot more satisfying as you know you have helped with the growing problem of over population.

In the Inner-West, Psalms 137 recorded the fervent hopes of a shattered people that one day they might be able to kill the adults in their conquering nation and then throw the babies against the rocks.

The sport of baby-throwing originated in the Far East in China in AD 300, when a man named Fu C. King ran out of pregnant women to use in his Trebuchet and had to use aborted fetuses instead. How he managed to find hundreds of fetuses to use as ammo, yet could not find any rocks, we do not know. Many other men and women obseved the magnificence and beauty of a baby being hurled through the air and hundreds of miles per hour, and decided to replicate this awesome display themselves. Since then, the art of baby-throwing has become a worldwide phenomenon and now people can even throw babies with their hands! Yes, their hands! Want to become a baby-throwing master yourself? Then just follow these easy steps...

How do you do it?

Well, there are many different methods of baby-throwing, but we'll deal with those later. For you beginners, here is the most simple method.

1. Grab baby (preferably one that is awake or being double penetrated, it's great to see the shocked expression on it's face)

2. Clutch baby firmly in your hands

3. Throw baby as high as you can into the air

4. Listen for the satisfying 'splat' sound that you will hear if performed correctly.

5. If no splat is heard, repeat steps 1-4. Remember, never go back to a baby once it has been lit.

6. Rub tabasco sauce on pubeless clit and break and enter with intent.


Also; Try throwing babies onto various different surfaces. For example, a baby thrown on dry concrete will go 'splat', while a baby thrown onto wet concrete will go 'fshhh' and you can then sit back and relax while the baby slowly sinks into a whirl of death fun. Experiment, and discover the wonders of baby-throwing right outside your door!


Other methods of baby-throwing

The Medieval Method

1. Locate baby

2. Place in catapult, or for a more traditional approach, a trebuchet.

3. Cut the rope and watch that baby fly!

4. Play find the corpse first with your man club.

This method is extremely good because you can host competitions with your friends to see who can lob a baby the farthest. The current record is 5.8 miles held by 'Crazy O'Horman' who not only throws babies for fun, but also puts babies on spikes full time. It all points to good, wholesome family fun!

Splat

A lovely piece of art produced using the media of baby-throwing

The Elastic Nappy Method

1. Find a baby wearing one of these new-fangled elastic nappies, if you can't find one, you can make one out of some jam and an elastic band,

2. Nail front of nappy to wall or any other hard vertical surface.

3. Pull back of nappy as far back as you can without eating a llama.

4. Let go. The baby should be launched forwards onto the wall, making quite a pretty pattern. Repeat with multiple babies to make a rather interesting looking work of art.

Health Hazards

None, unless you have an extremely violent conscience, or your parents find out that that huge glob on the floor is actually your little brother. But you can just tell them that you are doing this to help over population, then they'll shut up, or join.

Cultural Influences

-Many films have been inspired by the art of baby-throwing. Here are a few;

  • "Baby-throwers of the Caribbean 2: Dead baby's mess" {2006}
  • "The Silence of the Baby-throwers" {1992}
  • "To Throw a Baby" {1962}
  • "B for Baby-thrower" {2005}


-Secondly, one of the main baby throwing foundations is the BTFA, or Baby Throwing Foundation of Afaganistan

-On an episode of Family Matters, Harriette Winslow struggled with teen pregnancy, racial discrimination, and her husband's lack of respect for Baby Throwing. Publess Clitorial creampie will be commited on corpse.

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