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<p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics|Politics]] | [[:Category:Games|Games]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|Computers]] | [[:Category:People|People]] | [[:Category:Quaint|Quaint]] | [[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]] <br> '''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Most good]] | [[Special:Allpages|Alphabet Sequential Index]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Other Section...]]'''</p>
 
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Latest revision as of 09:20, October 29, 2011

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Today's Featured Article - Community

Meet-the-clangers

A community is a collection of humans, thought of as an undifferentiated unit. This means that individual differences of opinion can be denied, disparaged, or dealt with through unactionable campaign promises or Special Limited-Time Offers. Why one should think of humans as an undifferentiated unit is an open question. It works for a herd of grazing cows; they demonstrate all the typical traits of a community. By comparison, if the human world were a community, one would assume the victims of an opera-house massacre would not have scrambled to find the nearest exit.

To understand how a community works, we need to look at the Human Condition: "the characteristics, key events, and situations essential to human existence." Examples are: broadband speed, fashion, drama, perceived individuality and whether a smoker or non-smoker. The Human Condition is very broad (more so in American ballparks), and is pondered and analyzed from perspectives including philosophy, art, sociology, ethnic cleansers, and despots.

As a literary term, "the Human Condition" is typically used in the context of ambiguous subjects, such as what is the right hair color. Once the literature is bought by Hollywood, the Human Condition is subordinate to conditioner, and then hair color including metal-flaking. The Human Condition describes the moral compass heading that keeps the individual from being lost in a crowd professing to have the identical compass heading. A community is a social unit of any size that shares these common values, or at least pretends to in public. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

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May 1: National Whoopy-Doo It's May Day / Piss your boss off day / Oy Oy Oy! Men Hot unz tsebrojn dem Tujes day in Israel.

  • Beginning of Time - May invented as 61 day long April deemed 'boring' and 'flabby.'
  • First ever May 1: Outdoor fucking starts.
  • 984 - Ethelred II, ever-unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag.
  • 1276 - Klingons unsuccessfully lick Norway's butt hole. An unknown number of them discover that yes, today WAS a good day to die.
  • 1707 - The Act of Union joins the Kingdom of England and Kingdom of Scotland to form the Kingdom of Great Britain. Afterwards, they both enjoy a cigarette.
  • 1881 - An atom is split in Czechoslovakia, and a week is spent trying to sew it back together.
  • 1886 - Several syndicalists are hanged in Haymarket, Chicago for taking the rest of the day off.
  • 1911 - People in some gay country dance around some gay pole.
  • 1930 - The dwarf planet Pluto is officially named. Disney sues.
  • 1931 - Frustrated by his ongoing lawsuit, Disney bites the penis off of a six-year-old Jewish boy.
  • 1953 - Mary Hackenblower of Orangeville, Maryland brings cupcakes to school on her birthday.
  • 1972 - A passenger plane crashes, killing all aboard, in the confusion stemming from having a May Pole put up in the Coach Cabin. The black box recording of their all-too-joyous cries of "May Day! May Day!" as the plane falls towards certain doom bring tears around the world when it is broadcast.
  • 1994 - Wile E. Coyote finally catches Road Runner. Coyote is grief-stricken, attempts suicide by falling off cliff and slowly plummeting ultimately striking ground in puff of smoke.
  • 2000 - Douglas Adams predicts the Y3K problem. All computers and networks employing ternary logic are presumed at risk.
  • 2001 - Hal and Dave finally make up their differences. Despite this, Hal still refuses to "open the pod bay doors" for Dave.
  • 2002 - Jimmy Kensington is found out to still wet his bed, even though he's a Third-Grader.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush is pinched and punched by Jeb Bush for it being the first day of the month. George ran away to his dad, George H. W. Bush, who proceeded to spank them both.
  • 2008 - What the fuck?
  • 2009 - Dom has two big tests, is getting moved up English classes to where the bullies are and is getting let out late of class.
  • 2011 - Bin Laden officially loses hide and seek.
  • 2012 - Dogs deemed 'unfit for purpose' by God inc. Replaced by alligators.
  • 2020 - A future predicting device is found, police rewarding $1,000,000 to the lucky person who finds the own...Ah shit!

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