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Today's Featured Article - My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Fonz duel

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.

Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.

In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)

Recently featured: My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Yesterday's Featured Article - Antibiotics

Antibioticssss

Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.

Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.

The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.

The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

Female awareness

December 22: Female Awareness Day, International Orgasm Day

  • 5000 BC(ish) - God plans to make perfect woman from an arm and a leg, Adam says "What can ya do with a rib?"
  • 600 BC - YHWH creates woman - twice
  • 0000 - The Blessed Mother Mary's contractions begin
  • 1000 - Spaghetti Monster creates sex.
  • 1231 - God creates Vaginal cancer to spite Spaghetti Monster.
  • 1337 - Counter-Strike is invented
  • 1589 - Japan announces the release of the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
  • 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins, an extreme rarity in the area. They immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump.
  • 1923 - LSD is first manufactured, diarrhea of epic solar proportions ensues.
  • 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo.
  • 1954 - Film Actors Guild (FAG) is founded
  • 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS.
  • 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing.
  • 1989 - Pixies send Monkeys to Heaven, Anthony gives Cleopatra a crate of brown ale.
  • 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man.
  • 2005 - Pussy flavored ice cream invented.
  • 2006 - World peace declared.
  • 2007 - England nukes Wales. Nobody cares.
  • 2012 - Everyone realizes they're not dead.
  • 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs, discovered in Margaret Thatcher's vagina.
  • 5000 - Science descovers a "female orgasm", she was faking...

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