Today's Featured Article - Question Authority

The Question Authority is an agency of the United States government, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority.

The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including:

• Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling?
• Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him?
• May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant?
• What was that noise? Did you hear that?

(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Probability theory

Probability theory was developed by Gerolamo Cardano, Pierre de Fermat and Blaise Pascal. In this research team, there was no cooperation at all, because they all lived at different times and were too lazy to invent the time machine. So the development of this theory lasted for centuries and is (probably) not yet finished. Cardano et al. were all committed into mental hospitals late in their lives. What are the odds against that? It is not clear whether they were actually mentally disoriented, or merely seemed to be, because of answering simple yes-and-no questions by speculating about "the chances."

The reason for this theory — as mathematicians do things only on purpose — is unknown to humanity. But some think that these scientists had had enough of answering the questions exactly and decided that with the theory of probability it would be a way easier. But when they were told that they were not doing their job properly, to complicate the situation more, these mathematicians developed some incomprehensible formulas to prove the opposite.

The theory of probability should be used in several cases:

• When you don't want to give a direct answer to a question
• When you don't have an answer to a question but want to make people think that you do
• When you want to complicate everything you have said and make everyone confused

People who very often use the theory of probability are called politicians. (more...)

• Free, single and plenty of fish to choose from (pictured)

• Zimbabwe presidential elections features a hair metal candidate

• Baseballer says his piece and puts everyone on high alert

• Anorexic cheerleader scandal

• Trusted news service hacked ( listen)
• Reese Witherspoon very confused

• Norway returns to darkness

• Kim il-Thatch dead and not loving it
• Dead rapper does an Elvis in the Middle East

• Gangster's uzi kills gangster's wife

• Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy day!

• Diamond found inside cubic zirconium

May 19: Do What You Were Supposed To Do On May 18th Day (Procrastinators)

• A long, long time ago - Jedi Purge Day
• 3141 BC - The world is invented, no-one notices.
• pi - Someone decides that really long numbers are cool but hard to write down.
• 1897 - "No longer is there such a thing as an imprisoned Oscar Wilde." -Oscar Wilde
• 1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
• 1964 - JFK/manwhore was assassinated in a Ford
• 1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit planet Mars. Due to budget cutbacks, Mars 2 has four holes in its center, and appears to be two dimensional.
• 1997 - Chunnel declares civil war, dividing into North Chunnel and South Chunnel.
• 1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in the movie Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace earns him much popularity.
• 2005 - Attempting to stay in business, the free encyclopedia Wikipedia sells advertisements using a bizarre method: for one hundred dollars, you can have every noun in any one sentence replaced with your product's name permanently.
• 2005 - Later that Pepsi-Cola: Attempting to parody Pepsi-Cola, the free Pepsi-Cola Pepsi-Cola sells Pepsi-Colas using a bizarre Pepsi-Cola: for one hundred Pepsi-Colas, Pepsi-Cola can have every Pepsi-Cola in any one Pepsi-Cola replaced with your Pepsi-Cola's Pepsi-Cola permanently.
• 2019 - Uncyclopedia suddenly doesn't suck